Married to a sex offender worried how this is going to affect our grand children

DD2SS
Posts: 35
Joined: Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:56 pm

Re: Married to a sex offender worried how this is going to affect our grand children

Post by DD2SS » Mon Nov 26, 2018 3:18 pm

Thankfully, disqualification by association was essentially scrapped.

We don't know the facts of Mitzi's case, she doesn't say what risks he poses/posed, only that he wasn't at risk of grooming. There are other risks he may have posed. It sounds like the family found some sort of compromise they could all live with, not least Mitzi, and the kids have a good relationship with their dad. Who are we to say what works for people?

May, hope it all goes well!

Mitzi
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Jan 01, 2018 9:47 pm

Re: Married to a sex offender worried how this is going to affect our grand children

Post by Mitzi » Sat Dec 01, 2018 11:27 pm

May12345 wrote:
Fri Nov 23, 2018 4:17 pm
Hi Mitzi how are you since you last posted? We are awaiting our forensic psychologist reports having had them this week and were told that they would guide SS. I was surprised to see that SS did not agree enough to let your husband home. May I ask what his charge was and sentence etc? I am nervous about our results as CS have spoken of reunification and myself supervising if the risk is deemed manageable by the psychologist. We only had one session of about 2.5 hours each. How long was your assessment? I was mainly asked about my childhood, education and relationships. I had been expecting to be asked about our children.. But I think the reports from SS and involved professionals already covered that. The only thoughts I had were that if you've been able to supervise your children surely you can supervise your grand daughter if need be. This would get easier as she starts school (less time at home) and if keep safe work is done with her and her Mum is aware which I understand she is I don't see it as an issue especially as your husband has done various rehabilitation courses. Can you ask a solicitor their opinion maybe?
Hello May12345 sorry not been active much recently. The session we had with the psychiatrist was about 2 hours for me and 3 hours for my husband than he met with us both to establish how our relationship work he talked about sex and the risks that children’s services had outlined, we were open and honest with him because at this point we had nothing more to lose. He had to work out in our meetings whether or not he believed I could be groomed, he soon worked out that I was too strong and would not be groomed in any way to benefit him. Sadly the report that was written and the money they spent on him was wasted due to children’s services not really taking anything he said on board they still continued to make up their own rules, but I am not saying that to disheartened you as I’m sure things have moved on since this as it was a few years ago now. My husband was convicted for owning indecent images he never touched the children or any other child, the psychiatrist felt that he had many unanswered questions from the sexual abuse he suffered from his many step dads and the abuse from his maternal mother. When the closed the case I received a letter saying he would not return to the home until my youngest was 16. Obviously that can’t happen at the moment as my daughter lives here with my grandchild. I supervise contact or if the eldest 2 are here it is ok for him to be here. The eldest 2 know and it didn’t change their relationship they have asked many questions about the abuse he suffered as a child, the youngest 2 choose not to know at the moment but they do know I supervise contact well I have to be in the house they are much older now so no harm could ever come to them not that he would. We have spoke to solicitors several times and they have told us that they could change the outcome but every time we spoke to social about this they laughed it off and said it won’t happen. I still love in fear but it is getting easier. He was convicted in 2006 and has not reoffended he received a 2 year suspended sentence and had to complete courses which he did. Mappa told him once off the register (2013) that he could return home and be reaccessed again it was brushed off by social and was told I could lose the children. Since than we have just got on with our lives I have brought the children up and he visits. When will you get the results of your visit? Do you know what they were thinking? If you need someone to talk too I am here.

Mitzi
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Jan 01, 2018 9:47 pm

Re: Married to a sex offender worried how this is going to affect our grand children

Post by Mitzi » Sat Dec 01, 2018 11:53 pm

Thank you all for reply’s. He has been off of the register since 2013 and we continue to live the life we have lead for the last 12 years. Social services felt that the children could of been at risk of sexual exploitation due to the photos they found. However the forensic psychologist disagreed but they chose to pay a Hugh amount of money to ignore him anyway. But that is the choice they made. Life is ok and I can say we made it work. I only started the post because I don’t want any of my children to go though what I did as honestly I’m not sure they would be strong enough however on the flip side of that they would have me with them and they would have to reaccess their dad on his situation now and many years have passed and he has lead a normal life with no concerns. I have never been naive about the whole situation I just chose to look at every bit of evidence, he has been an amazing dad to his children and a grand father to his grandchild. I don’t regret the decisions I made
I am aware that barring by association is no longer an issue which I can see as a positive move as settings still want families to disclose so they are aware of family situations but it does not mean automatic disqualification I do believe that many teachers, nursery nurses and other people that work with children were unnecessary suspended, however I do also see why this came about to begin with. Slnce children services have closed the case they have never had a safeguarding concern with my family, I have continued to work with the children’s school and seek support when needed. As stated previously Mappa was under the illusion that he would be returning home because they stated he was no longer a risk otherwise they would of requested an extension to his 7 years on the register. Thank you again

Miserylovescompany2
Posts: 220
Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2017 6:55 pm

Re: Married to a sex offender worried how this is going to affect our grand children

Post by Miserylovescompany2 » Sun Dec 02, 2018 9:42 am

Hello Mitzi

Thank you for updating. I believe your journey so far will be of benefit to many others in similar situation/position or those at different stages of the process.

I have always found Children's services wording to be interesting - you were told you COULD lose your children. Not - you WILL or MIGHT lose your children. Just like you, I, myself would not take that risk. I wonder what would have happened if you had taken that risk? I am not suggesting you should - I just wonder how CS would of built a case to support their reasoning and to meet the threshold...

Mitzi
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Jan 01, 2018 9:47 pm

Re: Married to a sex offender worried how this is going to affect our grand children

Post by Mitzi » Sun Dec 02, 2018 5:22 pm

I could never of run the risk and still couldn’t today. My children are my whole world and I would not be put in that position and I think they knew that so they could say whatever they wAnted too because they knew I was never going to take that gamble. The road to where I am today has been long but ultimately I made the choices that I did to keep my family as much together as I could, the children have a relationship with their dad and so does our grandchild. We have come along way and even though social have never picked us up since the day they closed the case that’s because we have always followed the rules. I wish anyone good luck in whatever fight they are fighting today I know how hard that can be and how degraded we are made to feel but there is a light at the end of the tunnel 😊

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