Partner on SO Register

[Mirror222]

My partner is on the SO register due to a conviction of rape of his partner when he was 18, he was also convicted of hitting her and as a result served time in prison. He was originally a friend of mine when I met him which later became a relationship. He is now 26 and we live 2 hours from one another. I have a beautiful 5 year old son from a previous relationship, so my partner had to register my address for when ever he came and stayed with me. When the referral was made by his offender manager to Social services, they were told that he was living with me which was not true. My son was placed on a CPP with no contact with my partner which I immediately adhered to whilst a risk assessment was due to carried out on my partner. I have of course kept to the no contact arrangement which eventually meant that my son was lowered to a CIN. I should say that the risks they felt were to my son were around emotional abuse if my partner was ever violent/abusive to me. He has never been like this towards me and had 2 (albeit reasonably short) relationships since being released from prison where there were no domestic violence/abuse concerns of any kind, in fact the 2 women involved were happy to put this in writing if necessary! Still to this day no risk assessment has been done and even though my partner and I have been requesting support by way of suggested courses etc, no help at all was received.

However my situation has now turned....my partner had a pending drugs charge from over a year ago when we were still just friends. He is ashamed of this but it is something that we were prepared for as it was likely he was going to be getting time in custody. Unfortunately he has gone on the run (out of the country) - I think he had panicked at the prospect of further prison time but that is his decision which he will have to live with.

Social services have contacted me as my son is still on a CIN plan which is due to be reviewed next week. I have recently moved back in with my parents temporarily in order to save for a mortgage as renting was too expensive - they are pushing for me to tell my parents about my ex partners previous conviction however I don’t want to give my parents the worry as it seems irrelevant now that he has fled the country. Can they force that? My parents know that he is on the run and I feel bad enough for putting that stress on them, and would prefer to leave it all in the past where it belongs so that I can live on with mine and my sons lives. They are saying that they are concerned that my ex partner will turn up and my house and that that puts my son at risk. I don’t understand the risk, considering he has never been violent or aggressive to me, nor to my son? Also if he returned to the country (the police are aware this is the case), he would be arrested as soon as he feet touch the floor and would be remanded immediately, thus mitigating any further risk that they perceive.

It all seems unnecessary to me but I appreciate that they have a job to do. Having spoken to children’s services in another county I know this would have been handled differently but I’m aware that different areas have varying processes. Does this all sound normal? Sorry it’s such a long post!

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Mirror222

Thank you for your post.

You have said that you have the ability to safeguard your son and have proven this to social workers sufficiently and this has led them to consider your child a Child in Need rather than a child subject to a child protection plan.

The risk your partner poses to your son relates to his historic behaviours but is still relevant now. The reaction of social workers seems ‘normal’ especially because of the domestic violence your partner has perpetrated in his previous relationship. You have also said that he has misused drugs or certainly handled drugs and that he has fled the country whilst awaiting trial.

These factors are all worrying and pertinent information that your parents should know especially because you are all living together and they presumably providing some ‘care or support’ to your son. What might happen, for example if they are not told? They could inadvertently let your partner into the house if he were to turn up announced – this would put your son in immediate danger. If telling your parents makes you very uncomfortable, perhaps you might ask the social worker to tell them as it might be easier coming from them.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Mirror222]

Thanks Suzie. I have told my parents about his drugs charge (it was the concern of supply) and that he is on the run so they wouldn’t allow him into the house if he returned- which he wouldn’t as he will be arrested as soon as he came back to British soil.

I have said that I do not want Children’s services coming to my house at present, they are visiting my son at school and at his dads when they neeed to, can they force me to tell my parents about my ex’s past or can they tell them without my position? They have already been asking my sons dad to tell my parents.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Mirror222

Thank you for posting again.

I see that you have told your parents about your partner’s drug charge and the fact that he is on the run but you do not want to tell them of his history. You say this is because you want it all to remain in the past. Whilst I can see why you might want to keep things in the past, children’s services may take the view that you are really cooperating as your son’s grandparents are part of his life and ought to have all information which may potentially affect safeguarding.

You have said you do not want children’s services visiting your home, is there a particular reason for this?

Children’s services cannot force you to tell your parents but it will continue to be a worry that you do not want to. It is possible, from a safeguarding point of view however, if children’s services think our parents not knowing puts your son at risk, they could consider whether case go back to child protection. Please see our frequently asked question on sharing information here

I think children’s services may well consider that it is important that you make the disclosure to your parents. Saying that you do not want to worry your parents is, unfortunately, not a reason that children’s service are likely to think is enough. Children’s services will, I think, be more concerned about your refusal to disclose.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser, you can telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366.

I hope you find this helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie