Bf rso child protection and court

E28uk
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Aug 02, 2017 2:16 pm

Bf rso child protection and court

Postby E28uk » Fri Aug 25, 2017 4:34 pm

Hi sorry I'm looking for someone who is going through or been through something similar.
So basically 19 months ago I started dating my current bf who is a rso he was charged for ioc. The girl he meet online on a dating site back in 2010/11 she claimed to be 19 but was 15 he owned upto to talking to her and exchanging images but obviously didn't know her real age until the end when he stopped talking to her. A few weeks before police investigation.
Long and short is we broke up and then have decided to resume our relationship. What's baffled us is social have obvious concerns around my background because I left my children's father due to dv and him abusing children. I then ended up with a guy or abused me only lasted 6 months as last 2 months the abuse started so I left. My bf is allowed around his nieces and nephews but now social have told me he isn't allowed around any children we live in 2 different counties is this why there's a conflict there?
Now a few weeks ago my parents who me and children are currently staying with kicked me and the children out but are now lying to social claiming I ran away to be with my boyfriend even though we had been over for 5 months this is why we decided to get back together because I have no other family or friends because when i moved in with my parents i was told to delete all my friends and with it being a weekend when they kicked us out we had no where to go they also rang my boyfriend to tell him that I was being kicked out. Social now believe that I will run away with the children back to my boyfriend because of their lies.
Social are looking at court because obviously thanks to what happened 4 weeks ago I'm convinced that I will lose my kids. Had my parents not have kicked us out 2 things could have happened between me and my boyfriend 1 we would have stayed as over or 2 spoken to social services to make an informed decision about whether or not we could somehow resume our relationship with their approval.
This obviously hasn't happened so far my words fall on deaf ears social don't listen and believe that I'm not stable enough to stay in one area because I've had to move several times due to childrens day following us, stalking us and harassing us. I left my own home in March to come to family because after months of stalking from their dad and being scared to leave my own house I decided we needed to be somewhere safe. I'm now being accused by social of not putting the kids needs first and putting my relationship with my bf first. We only decided to try again because being around each other remembering all the good times and having no support and him helping us by sleeping outside while me and kids had his bed and he slept in a tent until the Monday morning when he took us to the council offices showed me he cared. What happened after that when we couldn't be offered anywhere we went to his manager and social and informed them straight away. It was only then my parents decided to accept us back. Because of how I was forced out I decided that the first night when social asked to take the kids back to my mums I said I would stay with my bf he'd had a fit that day and I had to ring and ambulance so I wanted to 1 make sure he was ok and 2 I was scared incase I got back to have either verbal or physical abuse from my parents.
All I'd like to know is what can I expect because I love my kids and I've done my best yes not always the greatest of choices but I've always tried to do what I can to help them not to be too affected by whatever situation arises.
My parents claim social might be looking at temporary removal but I believe that it's going to be permanent. I lost my kids 3 yrs ago due to children's father kidnapping us and again because my parents claimed I ran away with him in lost my children for 6 months.
I didn't run away 3 yrs ago and I didn't run away 4 weeks ago.
My parents have said to me that they will not have their reputation tarnished because they do not wish to look bad because they have my sister and her child here which if social see the truth they will remove them also.
Like I say just a bit of advice on what I can expect because atm my health is being affected and I've had to start taking medication to help myou breathing which I have never had problems with until recently.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 1746
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Bf rso child protection and court

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Thu Aug 31, 2017 11:32 am

Dear E28UK

Welcome to the Parents Discussion Board

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group.

Having read your post you are having a very difficult time at the moment with children’s services (new name for social services) with your family. Children’s services concerns, from what you say, relate to your own background and choices of partners, I think they may consider you to be a vulnerable person. In addition, your boyfriend’s history as a registered sex offender will also be a concern in relation to safeguarding your children. It is not relevant whether he thought the person to whom he was speaking was 19 or 15. He viewed indecent images and was convicted for doing so and you might be seen as minimising what he did if you make comments about the young person involved.

It is not clear from your post whether or not your children have been placed on a child protection or other plan by children’s services. I am including our advice sheet relating to child protection procedures for your information. Did children’s services want you to remain living at your parents’ home to safeguard the children? If you are a young parent, that is 30 years old or under, I suggest you have a look at the website specifically for young parents here

The background that you have described relating to your relationships being abusive means children’s services might believe that you do not have the necessary insight and understanding to keep yourself and your children safe. If you have not already done so, I suggested that you make contact with a domestic violence service like Women’s Aid on 0808 200 0247.

Whilst I understand that you have been worried about your children’s father, you do not say what you have done to prevent him stalking or harassing you. Did you inform the police, or try to get an order from the court to stop him.

Your decision not to return with your children to your parents’ home seem to be one the reasons why children’s services are of the view that you put your needs before your children. The fact that your parents did not want you stay in their home must have been difficult for you. It would have been best for you to make contact with children’s services to explain what was happening to you and the children. Although you state that children’s services told you that your partner should not be around your children you took them there.

You want to know what you can expect and I assume you mean if children’s services go ahead and make an application to the court. Answering this point first of all, a legal planning meeting will be held to decide if, what is called the threshold is met to go to court.

Threshold means:
before the court can make certain order e.g. care it must be satisfied that, when Children’s Services first got involved in protecting the child, he or she was suffering or was likely to suffer significant harm, and that the harm was due to the parents ’care not being what is normally expected of a parent.

You will be entitled to legal aid so you can be represented by a solicitor in the court case. Please read our advice sheet relating to care proceedings for more details about what happens in care proceedings.

Children’s services should do a parenting assessment of you to decide whether you are able to provide safe long term care for your children. You may also be asked to be assessed by other professionals. If there are family members on either side willing to care for the children they could also be assessed in case your assessment conclude that you cannot care for the children.

I think it is important for you to engage fully with children’s services so that you have a good understanding of what their concerns are and what you need to do to show that you are able to safely care for your children. Children’s services could be asked to carry out a risk assessment of your partner if you want to be in a relationship. Although, as you say, you live in different counties, you could perhaps think about a relationship with him that does not involve him being in contact with your children.

I hope you find this helpful. However, if you wish to speak to an adviser, you can telephone our free advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday (except Bank Holidays)

Best wishes

Suzie

E28uk
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Aug 02, 2017 2:16 pm

Re: Bf rso child protection and court

Postby E28uk » Sat Sep 02, 2017 2:23 pm

Thank you for replying I have reported the children's father several times to the police for harassment and stalking it was taken to court only to be dropped. The children are on a child protection plan.
The legal meeting for children's services is in the next few weeks. I've been told that the next core meeting we are to discuss the children being placed in my mother's care. This to me tells me they are seeking to remove the children from my care. At the first case conference I was told that they are taking me to court and the judge will be looking at removing the children from myself. I told children's services that we would look at having a relationship away from the children I was told that I would not be able to maintain a relationship with him away from the children. I also asked about a risk assessment of him as police have stated he is low risk only to be told they have done a risk assessment of him already when he was placed on the register 6 yrs ago and he is high risk. In very report they write he is a massive risk yet his manager has reported other wise. I would like to work with social services but they are not talking to me between meetings and are making it very difficult to engage with them. I have worked with womens aid and completed the journey to freedom work last year. I have not been offered any parental assessment I have been told that they will discuss my mum having the children and who can help with their care at the next core meeting next week and then be told what order they wish to proceed with in court.
I have worked with children's services in the past but never have I come across this behaviour before with them. They don't tell me anything they make out I have lied in the past to them in their report it states I'm told the children's father my location when my mum can prove that I did not disclose me staying at her address and other places such as refuge to him. I will be bringing this up with the children's services. I feel like they are unwilling to work with me and I am trying hard to work with them only to be ignored. It very much feels like it is too much effort for them to do their jobs correctly. Because in all honesty my children and me will suffer from their lack of doing their job properly.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 1746
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Bf rso child protection and court

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Sep 04, 2017 4:30 pm

Dear E28uk

Thank you for posting more details about your involvement with children services.

You confirm that your children are on a child protection plan. Have you kept to the plan? It is usually a failure to do what is asked of you under a plan that would result in children’s services deciding that the best way to safeguard a child is to make an application to the court for a care order.

The fact that children’s services are considering court proceedings suggest that they have concerns about your ability to keep your children safe. You say that you have already discussed the possibility of having a relationship with your partner without the children being involved but children’s services have rejected this as a possibility. Have you been told why they do not think this would work? How are does your partner live from you?

You say in your post that children’s services do not believe what you say and have suggested that you have lied to them in the past. This may be the reason they do not feel confident you could maintain a relationship that does not involve the children.

It is unclear why children services would have carried a risk assessment of your partner 6 years ago. Does your partner have children of his own or was he thinking of living in a home where there are children under 16? If he was assessed 6 years ago, I imagine that during the intervening years he might have worked with his manager to do courses to address his behaviour. Is there any court order that prevents your boyfriend being around children under 16? Maybe you can ask the social worker to confirm why a risk assessment cannot be carried out in your case. Put your request in writing and ask for a written response.

I am pleased to see that you have engaged with Women’s Aid and another service, I hope that these were helpful to you.
Children’s services appear to have a worry about whether you are being completely honest and truthful so it is important that if you have information to support what you say that you let them have this. I suggest that you speak to your solicitor if you have one about the matters mentioned in your post as he or she will have all the information about your case and best placed to advise you. If you do not have a solicitor at the moment you will be entitled to have one if children's service to to court.

Please do telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366 if you wish to speak to an adviser.

Best wishes

Suzie


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