Will social services tell my daughter ?

Scared2
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 5:05 pm

Will social services tell my daughter ?

Postby Scared2 » Wed Jun 28, 2017 5:11 pm

Hi
Cut a long story short , husband was arrested on possession of IOC , released without charge pending investigation , I told child services that he was out of the home , they said they wouldn't put my 14 year old on report , I have spoken to my husband and he has been round for dinner , but goes back to his own place , he put a picture of my daughter on this website in her uniform with her head chopped off in the undefined category so he says , my question is once the investigation is over will social services tell my daughter about the picture ? She is 18 now but obviously wasn't when he did this !

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Will social services tell my daughter ?

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Jun 30, 2017 4:38 pm

Dear Scared2

Thank you for your question, from what you have written you appear to have a few choices, here are some suggestions:

• ask the investigating authority whether they will disclose this information, if so, how and when
• tell your daughter what has happened and give her to opportunity to seek advice, this website might be useful
• wait until the end of the process at which time your husband (and you) may be given advice about disclosing and next steps

I hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie

PerfectlySafeDad
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Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:57 am

Re: Will social services tell my daughter ?

Postby PerfectlySafeDad » Sat Jul 29, 2017 10:17 pm

If she is 18 or over now, I really don't see why they should tell her, because there's no longer a safeguarding issue (not that there probably ever was) as she is now an adult ffs. Sorry but this whole witch hunt and paranoia that destroys families in the name of child -protection makes me so mad.
As I said in your other thread, Scared2, please try to trust your husband. The incident was probably something and nothing: maybe as a father, he was simply proud of her. If the picture was not in itself illegal, why should it concern the CS or police for that matter. They should both have better things to do, like cracking Rotherham sex-trafficking gangs or saving unwanted and abused babies around the country. Really the whole thing is OTT. Even if the photo of your daughter was not decent - so your husband had a bad moment, is that worth a family being traumatised and heart-broken for? He loves and cares for her, end of.

*** edited by Suzie as breaches rule 9 - Rules of Use
**** inappropriate use of language
Last edited by PerfectlySafeDad on Tue Aug 01, 2017 2:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Will social services tell my daughter ?

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Tue Aug 01, 2017 11:45 am

Dear Scared2

I see that you have had a belated response to your post regarding your daughter being told about what your husband did in uploading a photograph of her to the internet. I think it would be helpful to give you some further advice about this.

Whilst it is the case that she is now over 18 at the time it was done she was a child. It is of course for you to decide, as previously advised, whether you will tell your daughter yourself. If she were to find out in any other way she might feel upset with you for not telling her.

The reason children's services might consider telling your daughter is because if she does not know what your husband has done she will not be able to safeguard her own children if she were to start a family. The previous advice to remains the same so please discuss your concerns with the children's services or the police regarding disclosure to your adult daughter.

I understand that the situation you find yourself is both confusing and distressing but the fact is the police have an ongoing investigation into what your husband did and until you know the outcome of this it will be hard for you to decide how you will move forward from it. It is important that you try to be as open as possible with children's services whose role it is to ensure children are safeguarded.

Please telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366 to speak to an adviser if you think this will help. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays).

I hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie

PerfectlySafeDad
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Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:57 am

Re: Will social services tell my daughter ?

Postby PerfectlySafeDad » Tue Aug 01, 2017 2:36 pm

I repeat, Scared2 please try to stick by your husband in the face of this Inquisition. It sounds like he has done some wrong, but there is the danger Children's Services will see him as a far bigger risk than he really is - which I am sure is zero towards his own children.
Last edited by PerfectlySafeDad on Wed Aug 02, 2017 11:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Scared2
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 5:05 pm

Re: Will social services tell my daughter ?

Postby Scared2 » Tue Aug 01, 2017 6:05 pm

Thank you suzie and perfectly safe dad for your advice , my husband said that he was on this particular website , uploaded the picture and then was sent stuff from an email , which I think was pictures not 100% sure what he was sent tbh , what my question is he is saying he looked at it then deleted it , he seems to think the police have nothing on him since he didn't save any files ect , only thing is posting pic of my daughter and her bedroom , just don't understand and don't know what to expect , perfectly safe dad , what is a community order ect , don't know anything about the law , suzie you have been helpful too
Thank you

PerfectlySafeDad
Posts: 20
Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:57 am

Re: Will social services tell my daughter ?

Postby PerfectlySafeDad » Wed Aug 02, 2017 10:56 pm

I hope things work out for the best for you and your family, Scared2.
A 'Community Order' was the sentence I got after I pleaded guilty to possession of images. This is the lightest sentence possible, except for a 'caution' (but such leniency almost never happens these days).
Severest sentence is obviously prison (can be several months or several years). Below that is a 'suspended prison sentence' (does not go to prison but will do if he does not follow the conditions set). Lowest is a Community Order, which means an offenders treatment course is ordered, conditions like restrictions on the internet and restricted contact with children.
This is where the problem is, if the offender has children of his own. It would otherwise be a lenient sentence (apart from still having all the pathological stigma in society) but the Social Services step in and put restrictions on contact even if the judge did not order any. They will monitor the situation and make their own assessment on how 'risky' the offender is, and take reports from other professionals and watch his progress in the offenders course.
The difficulty for any family man in this position is convincing Social Services that he had no improper interest in his own children and never would - and generally they are very hard to convince, and they take their time over it (months or years) because 1) they are too understaffed and/or 2) they are trying to grind down the wife into divorcing, so the man no longer lives at home and therefore can't be any danger to the children. Note: This is in their eyes, but reality is the man probably is NO danger anyway (as I'm sure your husband is not). But the difficulty is convincing the SS.
I think this is what you and husband will be facing a few months down the line after the police and courts have finished with him. By the sound of it he HAS committed a crime, even if the images were deleted the police cyber department will find them, and if he knew what type of thing they were and looked at them, there is no escaping it.
However, it does also sound like he will be towards the lower end of offences. I am guessing, by what he says, but even if this is the case he should come clean and admit it. It will get a better result in the long run. As I said, the police will find everything, anyway.
Sorry if this is long -winded, but I am glad to be as much help as possible, especially with what your husband will be going through from now to the end of the police investigation. His lawyer should be giving him this advice, but frankly they can be very lax about it (they too are overworked, or just plain greedy for money).
I have been there, so can give your husband advice for the best outcome in the investigation, but after that - when SS step in in a big way - I am not so sure, because I am still in that big unknown myself and the moderators here can best advise you for that.
Feel free to message me here or in PM if you or your husband want advice on how to handle the investigation and court (if it goes that far).
The one thing I will say for sure right now is if your husband really has knowingly looked at illegal images on his comp, he really must plead guilty and show desire to repair his behaviour asap, otherwise he may well get one of the stiffer sentences and his attitude of denial would only make it harder in the long run to be trusted by Children's Services.

Chancing
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2016 2:39 am

Re: Will social services tell my daughter ?

Postby Chancing » Fri Aug 11, 2017 12:49 pm

Just a note to perfectly safe dad, not all internet offenders are harmless.
My own partner is the perfect case in point. He committed very serious real life offences and was sentenced to 7 years. He is currently on licence and will be on the register indefinitely.

Whilst you have some great information and advice to give, I think remaining unbiased and not assuming the posters/partners guilt or innocence would be more helpful.
That fact is we can't possibly know.
I would love to believe everyone is capable of the sort of reform my partner has shown. But an afternoon in his SO self awareness group showed me very quickly that wasn't true.
Incidentally most of them were arrested because of their internet activity, the full extent of their offences were unknown until after their arrest

Anyway, all the best for you and your family for the future.

PerfectlySafeDad
Posts: 20
Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:57 am

Re: Will social services tell my daughter ?

Postby PerfectlySafeDad » Sun Aug 13, 2017 11:53 pm

I agree Chancing, not all internet offenders are non-contact offenders or low risk, and the complexities of the issue (not that huge really) seem to be beyond our authorities. The problem I have with all this is that if there is no evidence of other offences after the investigation has been done, then innocence should be presumed. Sadly the CS seem to do the exact opposite, and they treat every offender as a future abuser. This is a basic human rights problem IMO, the CS in Britain needs a complete overhaul and redefining of their mandate.
The root of the problem is that 'sex offence' is in fact a collection of offences of varying harm, in many cases almost none at all, but the distinctions have been badly blurred (sensationalist reporting much to blame, and police and CS needing to score points for previous high profile failures). Who suffers most? Families with a parent-offender at the lowest end of the scale, where those offences do not even relate to their own children, which means about 90% of cases. It's a national scandal, and the children most in danger are failed because of this manic overstretching of resources.

Scared2
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 5:05 pm

Re: Will social services tell my daughter ?

Postby Scared2 » Tue Aug 15, 2017 1:12 pm

Hi thank you to everyone who read my post an for the advice
Perfectly safe dad I have pm you
Many thanks


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