can the ss take my children??

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Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 9:44 pm

can the ss take my children??

Post by NeedingUrgentAdice » Sun Jun 24, 2012 10:42 pm

Please i need some advice before monday (tomorrow) if anyone can.

My children are not on a at risk register, (YET) i have brought them up as a single mum for 8 years, 2 years ago i got obsessed with the internet, someone said something about me has a mum i took it literally,panicked, called police thinking what this person had said was true, end result i ended up in a mental hospital. No mental health issues was or has been diagnosed apart from stress and family adding to this.

I have no hospital doctor he signed me off last year,
have a support worker who my family call, problem with this is they called even when she wasn't needed,so she came to the conclusion that when family call her she would then call me to determine for herself if i needed to be visited.

Social services got involved, and this is where i get confused, has i feel they went against a court order! Mum has not been allowed unsupervised contact for 8 years, social said that has my children where older and they wanted to see their nan then they said ok, the unsupervised started everything went fine for about a month, then other family members caused rows via phone calls, social where coming out on weekly visits suddenly a row came about in jan i ended the contact has it was effecting my children and myself. When i stopped the contact ss came out, said that my older daughter didn't look happy and took her downstairs to talk with her, suddenly she was in tears, end result was there was some bullying going on at school, i have to be honest when i tell my children to tidy up their bedroom the three of them don't, they leave it for my older daughter to tidy so she felt has though i put to much on her, don't listen to her, the list was endless, all this came out of the blue via her being upset, ss was getting in touch with school to hold a meeting to get this sorted out. i agreed and also agreed to accept ss help and a family intervention worker help. meetings continued every month at school where a plan of help was set. All i thought was going ok untill after one meeting i asked why when the bullying is sorted, and i have improved myself has a mum are we still needing these meetings? the social worker said 'because she initially came out because the school raised concerns, strangely enough these are the same concerns raised back in 2004/5 when my children where just babies, strangely enough by the same child??? back then she was in nursery, today she is in year 5 of school. The things i have improved has a parent are...

In 6 months i have
* gotten bedtime routine in place (although no parent can make a child go bed at 8pm if not tired)
*de-cluttered a very cluttered children's bedroom in a week
*tidied up my home
*given the family dog back to the breeders
*gotten head lice under control
Basically improved myself has a parent, the more i improved has a parent the more the family caused rows, the more the family caused rows the more this effected my state of mind, the more the family effected my state of mind the more time the children where having off school.

My only mistakes has a parent are
*Not having my children everyday in a school (i moved them to a different school)-
* going against another court order because other family members where letting him near their children and my children where asking why they couldn't, getting upset so i met in a public place, just once with my children back in april.

Since about may there has been nothing but rows with my family,

Bringing this to recent-
Last sat i went up to mums to get school shoes with FULL intent of going home and the children being in school on monday, the shop didn't have school shoes the children would wear (past experience of buying them) so i called my brother who has a car to see if he could buy the shoes and drop them off, he said he was getting back to me, about 4:30pm he did saying he could buy them, when he could drop them off he thought he could the next day, i said i would stay at mums overnight.

Sunday he called to say he could buy the shoes asked how much money he was to spend, i called him to see where he was and he said he wasn't taking us home, he couldn't until tuesday. i explained to mum that i wasn;t happy but what could i do but stay at hers, it worried me that yet again my children would be having more time of school, i couldn't sleep which effects my state of mind.

Monday- My other brother was on mums phone to ask why my children where not at school, i was already upset, so when he was going on at me i got hot and next thing i was on the floor, an ambulance was called i think i just fainted,

Tuesday- My brother came with the shoes, he said he wasn't taking me back home, knowing that i had had little sleep due to the night before, me worrying about the school, and social services he started to ask questions about my health, my health was not the issue, getting shoes and my children in school was the concern. Next thing i was getting in a state, mum was saying things to him that i have improved on, some from 2 years ago, next thing i'm agreeing with my brother for him to take my children back with him, my children where sat listening to mum saying things that was not true today, the more i tried to stop her by correcting her the more she criticized me has a mum. Two of my children went with my brother the other one didn't want to. i knew something wasn't right when my youngest ran out to him with shoes, i followed her and has she ran back into mums my brother was faced with me, i just wasn't sure what at the time, or why he had let my other two go off on their own and he came back.

Weds i spoke to the children and they was fine

Thursday social services get in touch i arrange to see them at my mums, where i answered why the children where not in school not fully has i was not happy myself. i called up brother after seeing social worker and asked him to bring my children back on sunday, at which point he went mad, said he wasn't so i called my dad, went personally round his house at 1830 to get my children and take them home. he refused to answer the door or dads mobile, police where called who didn't do anything, emergency social services where called which called me back at 20:10 to say they have spoken to my brother and he has put them to bed and doesn't want them disturbing, i agreed although my other brother and my dad didn't, they went on to go mad at social services and the police, threats where issued.

At 23:30 I went back to my other child at mums where i stayed, my brother who has my children called mum at 2345 and got off the phone at quarter past twelve in morning when police had turned up at his house, he called mum back to say the chuildren where to stay where they are .

Next day i called up my social worker told her what had happened and she said there needed to be a way forward, i spoke to another social worker neither answered if i was getting my children back apart from both saying lets leave the children over the weekend and sort this monday. my brother calls and it results in mum critizing me again which angered me, i just walked out of her door, got my child out of the situation, waited for dad to come and take us home.

Once home i found out that mum had called social to say i had taken my child back home, i contacted social from home, my social worker said 'there needed to be a way forward and a solution' of which i agreed, i called up again and got another social worker and said that the way forward i can only think of is put my children on an at risk register, of which she said that was positive parenting and she was going to propose this on monday, i agreed but said i wanted my children back monday of which she said 'enjoy you're weekend with you're daughter and ss will come out on monday and talk with me. because there was no answer to me getting my children back it's worried me that past mistakes will now go against me. worried me that because ss from another district are involved that they will take it out of the hands of my ss and i won't get my children back, worried that the at risk register is actually being used has a means of saying my children are at risk from me has a mum, can ss do this? (i don't even smack my children, have not harmed them but will be honest and say that because of family i would agree emotionally yes to an extend they have been effected, this past week will of effected them emotionally)!

This weekend at 22:30 mum called to say my children want to come home, and that my brother was meant to call social and let them know if this happens, he hasn't, apparently my mum heard him whisper something, mum herself has reported this back to ss. Although i have realized that when mum was on the phone although i didn't know at the time about this she is now making it seem that i have told her to say this. I have had a social worker call me to see if we was alright, of which he couldn't get through has mum was on the phone, she called them back.

I am so worried about tomorrow what can social do? can they put my children on an at risk register then take them? will i get my children back?

thank you for any advice at very short asking

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2652
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: can the ss take my children??

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Jun 25, 2012 3:06 pm

Dear NeedingUrgentAdice

Welcome to the parents forum and thank you for posting. It sounds as though it has been a very difficult and distressing few days for you and your children. I am sorry that things have become so difficult.

I am sorry that no one has been able to respond to your thread before now. I note that you were awaiting contact from children's service today so appreciate that they may have been in touch and that things may have moved forward since you posted.

From what you have told us, only you have Parental Responsibility (PR) for your children. This means that only you have the legal right and responsibility to make decisions on behalf of your children, including where they live.

It sounds as though your family are very involved with you and your children. Neither your mum nor your brothers have PR for the children, however. This means that your brother had no right to take the children from your care against your wishes and certainly has no right to continue to keep them from you. In these circumstances, the police should have insisted that your children were returned to you. It may be that they were reluctant to do this as they could see that your children were asleep/ settled and instead suggested that you try to resolve the situation as a family.

Children’s services also do not have PR for your children. This means that they are not in a position to remove your children from your care unless you agree to this or they go to court. It does not sound as though they have any intention of taking this step at the current time.

The fact that children’s services have no PR also means, however, that they do not have any power to force your brother to return your children (although they may attempt to mediate or advise your brother on your behalf)

If your brother continues to refuse to allow the children to come home to you, I would advise that you contact the police again. Point out that your brother continues to withhold your children from you against your wishes. Highlight that you have tried to resolve this situation amicably but that this has not been successful and you now insist that the police take steps to return your children to your care. You may also decide to contact a solicitor for some legal advice.

You mention that you had a conversation about putting your children on the at risk register. There is no such thing as this register any more. Instead, if children’s services feel that children may be at risk of “significant harm”, they can call a “child protection conference” and may make children subject to a “child protection plan”. It may be that children’s services intend to instigate Child protection procedures in order to follow this process. They may do this because of concerns that your children are at risk of emotional abuse.

If children’s services do intend to hold a child protection conference, they will inform you of this. You will be fully involved in the meeting and have an opportunity to share your own views. The meeting can only decide whether the children should be subject to child protection plans. A decision cannot be made at this meeting to remove your children from you against your wishes.

I hope this helps NeedingUrgentAdice. Please do update us how things have gone today and ask any further questions that you may have. You may also wish to call our free advice line 0808 8010366 (open from 9.30am- 3.30pm, Monday- Friday) and speak to an adviser directly

Best Wishes

FRG Adviser

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