SS involved following very old indecent assault offence regarding my partner

Post Reply
2017mummy
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Mar 29, 2017 11:18 am

SS involved following very old indecent assault offence regarding my partner

Post by 2017mummy » Thu Mar 30, 2017 12:37 pm

Thank you for accepting my request to join. This is long, but I wanted to give all the information that I could.

My partner was convicted of Indecent Assault in 2003. His girlfriend at the time had arranged a party at their house and after everyone got very drunk, it came about that a 14 year old girl accused him of having sex with her at the party. He told me that he can't remember that happening so he can't feel sorry about it, but that he is sorry that he was in that situation and that at the time he used alcohol to cope with life at the time. (He's not planning on telling SS that but will admit he did wrong at the time and that he understands the severity of the offence!). He was cleared of rape but was convicted of indecent assault. He didn't receive jail time but was given a 3 year community rehabilitation order and 5 years signed on the SOR. In that time, he did a group CBT programme for offenders and was classed as very low risk of reoffending by his probation officer. He has had no further convictions following that incident, almost 15 years ago. Last year when we were on holiday, we'd met a woman and her 15 year old daughter, and because of his observations, he noticed some men acting suspiciously. Circling the block in a car and watching her whilst other men tried to talk to others in the group and distract them. He rounded us all up and got us to a safe place where he told security at the cruise port that we passed. We were informed that there were a lot of Paedophile rings in the area and that it did sound like a group known to them who were probably looking for young white girls. They said he did the right thing and took a statement from us. This is one example of how he can prove that his past experiences and the rehab course he did have made him think carefully and to act responsibly and protectively.

In applying to court for contact with his son from a previous relationship, cafcass have brought up the conviction and have told SS. We have to have a pre-birth assessment now. I am 33 weeks pregnant and we were only told about this last week. We have a meeting with the SW next Tuesday but she didn't turn up to our home when she said she would come to check we had everything for the baby so I'm a little worried that she won't turn up for the meeting at her office either.

About our relationship - we have been together for 4 years and after the first year when things became serious between us, he told me about the offence. He has always been transparent and honest about it and has gone into more detail than is comfortable for him to discuss but he did so as he felt it was important for me to have all the information. We never argue and there has been no times where he's ever acted aggressively towards me. He also doesn't drink much at all and I've never seen him get drunk. He also doesn't go to parties anymore. There has been a complete lifestyle change for him. He's very mature now and is 33. I'm 32. This is my first baby.

I'm panicking a little as we are a great team and had fully planned on both being heavily involved in our child's upbringing but I've read that SS might make us live apart. This is devastating to me. Obviously, if asked to make a choice between my partner and my baby, as horrible as that would be, I would choose my baby.

I am risk manager at my workplace and have done many safeguarding courses in relation to children from infancy to 19 years old as I have worked in a nursery, special school and now in a college. I own my own home with a small mortgage and pay all my own bills and so I am financially independent. I have also lived in the same home for 12 years. In addition we both have a very strong support network locally as well as having family across the country myself. I am hoping that this will all come across as being positive factors.

We have everything we need for the baby including baby monitor and even a motion detect CCTV camera. I will be taking 9 months off work on maternity leave and then I plan to go back to work 3 days a week. If they want me to be around him all the time to supervise, that won't be a problem as it's what I had planned on anyway, but not for safeguarding, just because we spend a lot of time together and it would be important for us both to support each other in caring for our baby.

Just wondering if anyone can help offer advice on how to deal with SS at this time - especially given the timeframe between now and my due date. Also, I'm hoping that he will be allowed at the birth at the very least. This is an experience that I would not want him to miss out on, especially as his ex didn't tell him she was in hospital giving birth to their son.

Is there anything I can do to prepare for this, and has anyone else had a similar experience? Just worried about the outcome in the short term I guess. I can't see there being a long term problem if they do assessments with him.

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 4207
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: SS involved following very old indecent assault offence regarding my partner

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Mar 31, 2017 3:15 pm

Dear 2017mummy

Welcome to the Parents’ Discussion Forum.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group. I am sorry that you are feeling worried at the moment because children services (new name for social services) are going to be involved due to your partner’s history.

The best thing for you both is to engage with children services. Ask for a risk assessment to be carried out in relation to your partner to identify what, risk if any, children services consider he poses to your child one you give birth.

Your partner’s past might mean that children services as part of the pre-birth assessment decide that baby should be on a child protection plan. This decision will be made once the social worker has carried his or her assessment. A copy of our advice sheet about child protection procedures is here for your information.

Although your partner’s offence was committed some time ago, children services will still have concerns about whether he remains a risk. Children services could suggest that your partner leave the home whilst their investigations are carried out but as no child in the home at the moment you could ask them to explain why this would be necessary at this stage. The most important thing for you both at the moment is to engage cooperatively with children services. What children services will want to know is that you will be a protective factor for your baby.

If your work involves working with children or vulnerable adults and a child protection plan is put in place this could impact on your employment.

Regarding your partner attending the birth of your baby, I suggest that you discuss this with the social worker so that arrangements can be made before your confinement.

I am including here information relating to the Lucy Faithfull Foundation which is the organisation that works with sex offenders and can offer support and advice. They also carry out risk assessments and will be able to give you more detailed information specifically relating to your partner and you remaining together taking in account his history.
You may also wish to go our website and the frequently asked questions relating to child protection and the section specifically for fathers. The website is here

You may wish to speak to an adviser and you can telephone our free, confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m. Monday to Friday.

I hope you find this helpful

Best wishes
Suzie

Chancing
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2016 2:39 am

Re: SS involved following very old indecent assault offence regarding my partner

Post by Chancing » Sat Apr 01, 2017 4:25 pm

I will reiterate here what I said In a previous post.

The social work want you to be able to say I understand my child is at risk no matter how mall a,risk that may be. And I am taking steps to learn/recognise Any behaviours that may mean my partner is becoming a risk to my child.
And I will ensure to remove myself and child from the situation should it arise.

The more you claim your child is at NO risk the more concerned they will become that you won't protect your child.

I am sorry you are in this situation, having been there I know it isn't easy. I also say you might want to remember these kind of offences never go away.
It may be brought up when your child approaches school age.
You may not want to risk having friends stay over in case accusations get made.
Because your partner is also more at risk in these situations. It won't be safe for him to be left with your child's friends on a sleepover or birthday party.
Not because he would do anything, but because if he was ever accused again he would probably find it harder to clear his name.
I really do wish you a the best though. Take care.

2017mummy
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Mar 29, 2017 11:18 am

Re: SS involved following very old indecent assault offence regarding my partner

Post by 2017mummy » Sun Apr 02, 2017 12:11 pm

Thank you Suzie and Chancing for your replies. You have both confirmed that I probably have all the information that I need to make sensible decisions regarding my baby and the Children's Services.

Luckily, i was out at work when the social worker tried to call round to tell me about the referral. That was nearly 2 weeks ago and I had no clue just how seriously they would take this. Obviously, I know my partner - they don't. I understand now that they have a job to do and in the area in which I live, it's really important that they do it.

Whether or not my partner already had the schedule one conviction, I would definitely still be cautious of him or anyone else around my newborn. I would expect that to be the case with any new mum. I'm going to take my safeguarding certificates to the meeting with me as well as partner's alcohol safety certificates and I will make sure that I ask how they can support us to safeguard our baby.

I will be off work for 9-12 months and then I plan to go back for 3 days a week, with partner working same hours and using nursery for childcare and socialising from there on.

I'll make sure that I'm fully cooperative and humble about the whole process.

Thanks guys.

Post Reply

Who is online

In total there are 15 users online :: 0 registered, 0 hidden and 15 guests (based on users active over the past 5 minutes)
Most users ever online was 318 on Fri May 28, 2021 9:04 pm