Husband downloaded images, baby on CP register

[AER1983]

Hi

I am desperately looking for some advice please. At the end of November last year police came to my house with a warrant, searched it and my husband was arrested for downloading indecent images of children. His phone, laptop etc was seized and are currently being examined. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. We have a 9 month old baby girl. Anyway he appeared at court the following day & was bailed to our home address and wasn't to have any unsupervised contact with children under 16 except for his own daughter. SW came out that night (my daughter was staying at my mums) & said that they didn't agree with the bail conditions and that we couldn't remain living together and that we couldn't be alone the 3 of us. They said if we didn't agree they would seek a CP order from the court and my daughter would be removed. I was horrified and of course agreed and me and my daughter moved in with my mum. My mum had to supervise contact between us.

3 weeks later there was a full CP conference and our daughter was put on the CP register at risk of sexual abuse. We still were not allowed to be alone the three of us. two weeks later there was another more informal meeting at which time SW said I could supervise my husband and daughter but he still could never be left alone with her and we still can't live together. That's pretty much how it's been since and my SW is apparently going to do work with me about risk but says she can't really do that just now as police investigation still ongoing so they don't know all the facts. They did at the start seek clarification from the police that there was nothing to suggest these images were of our daughter or infants of a similar age to which the police confirmed they were not.

Basically my husband suffered terrible sexual abuse when he was about five at the hands of a male babysitter. He obviously should have but never did seek help for this when he was older and it has affected him terribly. I knew about the abuse but obviously had no idea how badly it had affected him. He is ultimately depressed and horrified about how he dealt with it and extremely upset. I, for now, have made the decision to standby him and support him. Both of us have now engaged with the Lucy faithfull foundation as they seem to be the only organisation able to give any help or advice. It is clear that SW see the situation as very black and white and that ultimately my husband is some kind of monster although he has told them briefly about what happened when he was younger. When my SW was in today she made a comment of Obviously we are not at a stage where we can tell you you can't be in a relationship which has worried me greatly as I don't know whether she's paving the way for that? I'm well aware that from their point of view it would be much easier for them if I left my husband and if I thought that was the right or best thing to do I would but I don't. I fully acknowledge what he has done is totally wrong as does he but there is circumstances that have led to it. Of course I can't say I don't believe he poses no risk but I firmly believe that it can be managed. He is fully engaging with any support services he can and needs and wants to get help. I have and will continue to cooperate with them wherever possible but never having been in this situation I can't help but worry about what's to come.

Sorry this post is long but wanted to try and explain as best I can. Any advice especially from those that have experienced this would be hugely appreciated thank you

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear

Welcome to the Parents forum.

I am sorry to hear about children services and the police involvement with your family.

I understand that the police are still investigating and have yet to charge your husband. In the meantime, he is bailed to the family home and you and your baby have had to move out.
This may be changed. Your husband could ask his solicitor to apply to vary the bail conditions-so he may be able to live somewhere else and you move back to the family home.

Children services have assessed you as understanding the risk of your husband enough to protect your baby daughter. So you can supervise his contact. This is good news.
However, until they know more information from the police, they cannot fully risk assess your husband.

They are likely to also rely on your husband being forensically risk assessed via the criminal justice or probation route. This risk assessment would feed into their own assessment. So if your husband was assessed as high or medium risk of re offending and high or medium risk to children then they may never allow him back in to the family home until he has accessed all the courses to reduce those risks.
As your daughter gets older, she can also be educated about how to protect herself-which would involve her having knowledge of what risk her dad might pose to her, if any.
Do you know how long the police are likely to take before they make a decision whether to prosecute? You could ask your husband to speak to his solicitor about this so that you have some idea about time scales.
So how long children services will be involved will also depend on what happens in the criminal case. So if your husband was imprisoned, any risk assessment would take place when he returned to the community.

I am glad that you are both engaging with the Lucy Faithfull Foundation. They have a lot of resource on their website. They can also advise you about support that is available to you.

I can see that you understand that your husband has committed the offences due to the sexual abuse he suffered in the past. He would have been traumatised by this. Is he looking for help and support to overcome this? His past abuse he suffered and the effect on his parenting may need to be assessed as well.
However, whatever the cause for his behaviour, the social worker is most concerned about the protection of your daughter. Children services are not in a position yet to ask you to choose between your daughter or your husband because they just do not know whether or not your husband is actually a risk.

Best wishes,

Suzie

[AER1983]

Hi Suzie

Thanks for that. He has been charged as a few images were found on a tablet but his laptop etc is also being examined so there is a likelihood of further charges. My daughter & I are now back living at home and my husband goes & stays at my mums at night. Easier that way & means my daughter is settled in her own home. My husband is starting counselling next week and is also seeing a psychologist through the LFF next month.

Whilst I understand that SW don't know the full picture yet the forensic examination of the laptop etc could literally take months. Lawyer confirmed this to us the other day. I cannot believe or understand that they can effectively do nothing more just now. Surely a risk assessment can be started just now & modified as & when new information becomes available? They initially said that they would get work started with me on risk etc but that now seems to be getting put on the back burner. My SW apparently has never dealt with this before as she told me so and basically says they don't really have a process in place for this kind of situation and only ever seems to talk of googling things and knowing about the LFF. She said anything they have is based around contact abuse so they can't use it. I don't think she's even thought to speak to LFF as I'm sure you know they also support professionals. I'm in Scotland in case that makes a difference but I'm fast becoming worried that I'm going to be left hanging due to SW not knowing what to do??

I'm unsure whether getting a solicitor would actually be a good idea?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear AER1983

Thank you for your further post.

I do not think I can add anything further to the advice given to your previous post as this sets out a general position regarding the situation you posted about. It may be that you will need to wait on the outcome of the assessment.

Our service provides advice in respect of the law in England and Wales so I am unable to give you specific advice regarding social services in Scotland.

I suggest you contact the Scottish Child Law Centre 0131 667 6333 who might be able to provide you with information specific to Scotland.

Best wishes,

Suzie

[AER1983]

Ok many thanks for that