My 2 children are under an interim care order following court proceedings last October. There are many things I have to adhere to, meetings, etc and one of the things is their dad is not allowed contact with me or the children unless at a supervised contact centre. There has been some domestic violence hence the reason why, and I'm perfectly happy being without him. He never and would never harm the children.
Last night I was very ill and felt so bad I couldn't look after the kids and get my eldest ready for school, and having absolutely no one else into help I called their dad to come just to get him ready for school etc, which he did no problems. A neighbour spotted him and reported him to SS who promptly turned up and caught him leaving.
They could see I wasn't well and I explained why he had been here but they will be telling the guardian about this "breach" and have left me feeling very worried.
The kids have been doing well without their dad as have I and I'm adamant he's not coming back but they don't believe me.
I don't want my kids taken from me for one isolated emergency incident, and could do without the extra stress while I'm feeling so poorly (I have bronchitis).
I think it's unfair to punish me and the kids when I was genuinely desperate and he only came to help for their sakes, not his or mine.
Advice needed!
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4256
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: Advice needed!
Dear Newone
Welcome to the Family Rights Group Parents’ Discussion Forum.
My name is Suzie, online adviser, at Family Rights Group.
I am sorry that you are feeling so worried and stressed at the moment because of your current situation and children services involvement with your family.
You say that your children are under an interim care order and have been since last October. I assume you mean October this year, as it would be very unusual for an interim care order to be in place for such over a year. Care cases are now expected to be finished within 26 weeks.
In any event, you clearly had a written agreement about the things that you are required to do one of which was to ensure no unsupervised contact takes place between you and your children’s father. Whilst I understand that your explanation that you were feeling unwell and needed help to get the children ready for school. I do not know the ages of your children, but if they did not need their father to actually take them to school, it is not clear why they would need him to get them ready for school. This is likely to be a worry for children services as it shows that you do not have a support network to help you out in an emergency situation and, as such, you will not be able to keep the children and yourself safe as far as their father is concerned.
It seems to me that you will need to show that this was really a one off, although it is likely you might not be believed, especially as you did not inform the social worker yourself of the fact that you needed to ask the children’s father for help as you were unwell. Do you have a friend or a neighbour who could help you, should the same situation arise again? I suggest you try and make arrangements to have alternative support as if you do not it will send a message that you are really not able to keep away from your children’s father, although from your point of view this might not be the case. The important thing is for you have a support network and let child the social worker know who you will ask to help you in future.
It is really important that you show that you can be trusted. Not informing the social worker or even the Guardian yourself of your need for help, could be looked at as you pretending to be separated but having secret meetings. This is probably why the social worker does not believe what you are saying about how the children’s father came to be in your home.
Have you taken part in any domestic violence courses? If not, I suggest that you make contact with Women’s Aid or Rights of Women who will be able to offer you advice and support as a victim/survivor of domestic abuse. Do make sure that you keep your solicitor informed and work with him or her who will be better able to advise you as he or she will know all the details of your case.
As it appears you are still in care proceedings I have included here a copy of our advice sheet for your further information. Please continue to work with children services and stick to any agreement to try and turn this situation around.
Should you wish to speak to an adviser, please telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m. Monday to Friday.
I hope you find this helpful
Best wishes
Suzie
Welcome to the Family Rights Group Parents’ Discussion Forum.
My name is Suzie, online adviser, at Family Rights Group.
I am sorry that you are feeling so worried and stressed at the moment because of your current situation and children services involvement with your family.
You say that your children are under an interim care order and have been since last October. I assume you mean October this year, as it would be very unusual for an interim care order to be in place for such over a year. Care cases are now expected to be finished within 26 weeks.
In any event, you clearly had a written agreement about the things that you are required to do one of which was to ensure no unsupervised contact takes place between you and your children’s father. Whilst I understand that your explanation that you were feeling unwell and needed help to get the children ready for school. I do not know the ages of your children, but if they did not need their father to actually take them to school, it is not clear why they would need him to get them ready for school. This is likely to be a worry for children services as it shows that you do not have a support network to help you out in an emergency situation and, as such, you will not be able to keep the children and yourself safe as far as their father is concerned.
It seems to me that you will need to show that this was really a one off, although it is likely you might not be believed, especially as you did not inform the social worker yourself of the fact that you needed to ask the children’s father for help as you were unwell. Do you have a friend or a neighbour who could help you, should the same situation arise again? I suggest you try and make arrangements to have alternative support as if you do not it will send a message that you are really not able to keep away from your children’s father, although from your point of view this might not be the case. The important thing is for you have a support network and let child the social worker know who you will ask to help you in future.
It is really important that you show that you can be trusted. Not informing the social worker or even the Guardian yourself of your need for help, could be looked at as you pretending to be separated but having secret meetings. This is probably why the social worker does not believe what you are saying about how the children’s father came to be in your home.
Have you taken part in any domestic violence courses? If not, I suggest that you make contact with Women’s Aid or Rights of Women who will be able to offer you advice and support as a victim/survivor of domestic abuse. Do make sure that you keep your solicitor informed and work with him or her who will be better able to advise you as he or she will know all the details of your case.
As it appears you are still in care proceedings I have included here a copy of our advice sheet for your further information. Please continue to work with children services and stick to any agreement to try and turn this situation around.
Should you wish to speak to an adviser, please telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m. Monday to Friday.
I hope you find this helpful
Best wishes
Suzie
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