partner of sex offender needs advice please

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partner of sex offender needs advice please

Post by claireds » Fri Jun 01, 2012 11:53 am

Firstly i would like to say i wish i had found your site a long time ago !!!!!!

I have been in a relationship with my partner for a year. in January after alot of painful months he was charged with sexual activity with an under 16. He pleaded guilty in march. ( this was something that happened before we were together, anyway childrens services became involved straight away as i have a 9 year old daughter. An initial assessment was done and all contact with my daughter was stopped. I cooperated fully and when he went to prison in april, a core assessment was done. I have been very naive.....i thought ss were there to help and support. The mistake i made was i made it clear that when he was released in october 2013 i wished to continue my relationship with him and hoped one day we could live as a family. Wrong thing to say as i discovered when i received a copy of core assessment !!!!!!!

It pretty much said i was not fit to protect my daughter and put my needs and happiness before her's. It said alot of other things, some completely wrong !!!! I love him very much but would never put my daughter at risk or risk losing her.
For now as he is in prison the case is closed and its a long way off till he comes home but i just wanted to ask a couple of questions....

Will the core assessment be used when he comes home or will they do another one ????

Although i want him to be part of the whole family and so do my kids...daughter 20 and son 18, if i say this will they automatically take my daughter off me ???

Would it be safer to agree straight away to no contact with my daughter ???

Realistically do you think they will ever let us be a proper family ???

I know this is a sensitive subject and a lot will have negative views towards me but any advice would be appreciated.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: partner of sex offender needs advice please

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Jun 01, 2012 2:56 pm

Hi Claireds
My name is Suzie, I am an advisor here at Family Rights Group. Thanks for posting and welcome to our discussion board. The situation you describe sounds really difficult.
In answer to your questions, first, yes the Core Assessment will be updated when your partner is being released from prison.
You also ask whether the social worker will “automatically” remove your younger child from your care if you and the older children say you would like your partner home when he is released from prison, and whether you will ever be able to live together as a family.
I am afraid I cannot answer these questions. For sure, the social worker will not agree to this if he or she feels this would pose a risk to your children. Of course, a sexual offence against a child is very serious, and I am sure the social worker is viewing it as such. But whether the social worker feels there is any way to make sure your children would be safe with your partner in the home or in contact, I could not say. You will have to discuss this with the social worker.
You also ask whether it would be safest to agree to no contact with your daughter. To this my answer would be yes, it is always “safest” to agree with a social worker about the safeguarding plans they wish to put in place. By “safe” I assume you mean that you want to work cooperatively with the social worker, and avoid any suggestion that he or she may decide to go to court. If you don’t feel what the social worker is asking of you is fair, my advice would be that you see a solicitor before you tell the social worker you are not willing to agree to their plans.
I am sorry not to be able to give you more definite answers. But of course, this situation is complex and as it should, depends on many, many factors. I couldn’t give a general one size fits all answer. But still, I hope this guides your thinking.
All the best,

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Re: partner of sex offender needs advice please

Post by Murray72 » Fri Jun 01, 2012 7:37 pm

In Short Claire NO, if he is considered a risk to your Daughter then you must protect her and sever all contact.

When your Child is removed from your care you have a long time to reflect on any mistakes you may have made and having a relationship with a Sex Offender is little comfort.

There are some agencies that offer to work with the partner of sex offenders and can support families staying together however they only work if Children's Services are supportive of the work and are willing to work with you.

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