Hi
I'm new to this forum and would really appreciate some advice. 8 years ago I was charged with possession of indecent images of children (levels 1-4), I received a 9 month sentence suspended for 2 years, had a 5 year SOPO (which finished 3 years ago) and had to sign the SOR for 10 years, that ends in 2 years. I also did a voluntary sex offenders course with the Lucy Faithful Foundation, did the probations **** sex offenders course and have been seeing a physiotherapist for 9 years (since my arrest, I wasn't sentenced till a year later) I have no excuse for my offending but have worked so hard on rehabilitating myself over the last 9 years and am in the best position mentally and emotionally I've ever been in my life. It upsets me that society doesn't believe people like myself can change and be rehabilitated, but that's another matter.
About 9 months ago I met a woman through dating site Ashley Maddison, at first I thought it was going to be just a bit of fun and that it wouldn't last. Over this time we've both fallen in love with each other and would love a future together, she knows all about my past and is incredibly accepting of it. There are a couple of big issues though, firstly she has 4 children, 3 girls and a boy, their ages are 10, 6, 4 & 2 and she has an ex husband, he knows about my past also and is relatively ok with me if I ever get the chance to meet their children. I will at one point if things progress speak to him face to face.
The questions I'd like to be answered are what view would child services have on us having a relationship together, we only see each other at the moment without her children being there, but I'd like to meet them and she's happy for me to see them. We live about an hour & a half apart so it's not like we see each other a lot and there is no talk of us living together for a while. We're both worried that child services will just put an end to the relationship as I'm seen as a depraved individual who just wants to pray on children. Will I ever be allowed to meet her children? Will CS take into account all the hard work I've put in over the years rehabilitating myself? If we did stay together for a long time would there always be child protection plans in place? Her eldest daughter who's 10, is seeing a counsellor through her school as she had a tough time when her parents split and the 6 year old daughter might start seeing one also as she's struggling with the nasty things her dad says to her and what he says about her mum, will CS be pleased with that in a way as the kids have got someone else to have support from. We want to make this relationship work and I know people out there will say she should run for the hills and that I'm scum, but she realises I've changed and deserve a second chance at life, I'm not who I was 10 years ago. Is there any chance our relationship can work or are we kidding ourselves.
Thanks for taking the time to read all this
Some Advice Please
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4249
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: Some Advice Please
Dear Bobhope,
Welcome to the parents forum.
You are right to ask these questions.
If you were to take things further with your partner, which involved possible contact with her children, and a referral was made to children services (due to you being on the sex offenders register), then children services will almost certainly become involved.
They will want to carry out an assessment to look at the children’s needs and their parent’s ability to protect against any potential risk that you pose.
The children will be considered to be particularly vulnerable both due to their ages but also because the older girls need mental health support.
It is positive that you have completed the two sex offenders’ courses and are still having psychotherapy. I think you are saying that because of these steps you have taken, your risk to children is reduced.
Have you been risk assessed recently so that you can evidence how safe you have now become?
If not, can you look into assessments yourself? You could then produce a copy as part of the risk assessment of you. Children services often don’t pay for specialist assessments of risky partners for some time. (See the difficulties that other posters have experienced getting risk assessments completed. This is due to the cost of these assessments).
Instead, they will do their own assessment of the family and look to provide support to the parents around protecting the children from your potential risk which they will assume is at the level you were last assessed.
If they do not know your risk, they will have to assume the worse. Given the age and vulnerability of the children, it is possible that they will insist that you have no contact with the children. They would monitor this by doing checks on mums home and speaking to the children as well.
Also given the nature of the more serious indecent images that you downloaded, it is very possible that children services may decide early on that you pose a significant risk to your partner’s children and may escalate matters to the child protection level.
If a child protection plan was made then your partner would have to comply with a child protection plan. Have a look at our FAQ’s about child protection
Children services will be concerned that both Mum and Dad are not worried that you might still pose a risk to their children. They will want to know why they are not concerned.
For the children to be safeguarded, mum would need to have full knowledge about the offences that you committed and whether you are still risky to children. Children services would expect full disclosure of this and might advise her to seek information via the Child Sex Offenders Disclosure Scheme (also known as Sarah's Law). They would then monitor her response to the knowledge she has about your possible risk.
Could she contact Parents protect or seek advice from the Lucy Faithfull foundation?
What are the conditions of your registration on the sex offenders register? At what stage, will you have to disclose your relationship?
There is a lot for mum to consider before she takes the relationship further. Children services will want to carry out an assessment and provide at the minimum, support as well as monitoring.
She would need to cooperate with the assessment and support offered.
If children services concluded that you were still a risk to children and mum did not understand the risks and they are likely to escalate this to child protection level or higher.
I hope this advice is helpful but please post back if you have any questions.
Best wishes,
Suzie
Welcome to the parents forum.
You are right to ask these questions.
If you were to take things further with your partner, which involved possible contact with her children, and a referral was made to children services (due to you being on the sex offenders register), then children services will almost certainly become involved.
They will want to carry out an assessment to look at the children’s needs and their parent’s ability to protect against any potential risk that you pose.
The children will be considered to be particularly vulnerable both due to their ages but also because the older girls need mental health support.
It is positive that you have completed the two sex offenders’ courses and are still having psychotherapy. I think you are saying that because of these steps you have taken, your risk to children is reduced.
Have you been risk assessed recently so that you can evidence how safe you have now become?
If not, can you look into assessments yourself? You could then produce a copy as part of the risk assessment of you. Children services often don’t pay for specialist assessments of risky partners for some time. (See the difficulties that other posters have experienced getting risk assessments completed. This is due to the cost of these assessments).
Instead, they will do their own assessment of the family and look to provide support to the parents around protecting the children from your potential risk which they will assume is at the level you were last assessed.
If they do not know your risk, they will have to assume the worse. Given the age and vulnerability of the children, it is possible that they will insist that you have no contact with the children. They would monitor this by doing checks on mums home and speaking to the children as well.
Also given the nature of the more serious indecent images that you downloaded, it is very possible that children services may decide early on that you pose a significant risk to your partner’s children and may escalate matters to the child protection level.
If a child protection plan was made then your partner would have to comply with a child protection plan. Have a look at our FAQ’s about child protection
Children services will be concerned that both Mum and Dad are not worried that you might still pose a risk to their children. They will want to know why they are not concerned.
For the children to be safeguarded, mum would need to have full knowledge about the offences that you committed and whether you are still risky to children. Children services would expect full disclosure of this and might advise her to seek information via the Child Sex Offenders Disclosure Scheme (also known as Sarah's Law). They would then monitor her response to the knowledge she has about your possible risk.
Could she contact Parents protect or seek advice from the Lucy Faithfull foundation?
What are the conditions of your registration on the sex offenders register? At what stage, will you have to disclose your relationship?
There is a lot for mum to consider before she takes the relationship further. Children services will want to carry out an assessment and provide at the minimum, support as well as monitoring.
She would need to cooperate with the assessment and support offered.
If children services concluded that you were still a risk to children and mum did not understand the risks and they are likely to escalate this to child protection level or higher.
I hope this advice is helpful but please post back if you have any questions.
Best wishes,
Suzie
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