I cant cope anymore

[Nickie1994]

I have social involved in my family. They are putting a child protection plan on my baby. They are not getting involved with contact or where my baby resides that is all down to me and the dad.

He calims to social that i am mentally ill, my mum abuses me and now the social have added in my apparent anger managment. All of these apart from my mum abusing me i have had problems with in the past mainly when i was pregnant and after birth. They were from when i was with the father and i havent been with him for 2months now and i feel so much happier i also have my life back and my friends back. He mentally abused me but i didnt know at the time, he also claims i physically abused him through out the relationship. I have admitted i hit him when i was pregnant but i went to the doctors and got help with that as it wasnt me thats not who i am.

The dad refuses to let me have her back im only aloud visits with my baby and thats only 11-6 3times a week. Im not even aloud her overnight. I need my baby back. He didnt want to keep her or anything. He has a busy life with so many hobbies. He just dumps baby on his mum and goes to carry on with his life. He also works 4 on 4 off 12 hour shifts which are days and nights.

I broke down sunday night because after a month i've been strong for too long. I've missed out on nearly 2months of my babys life that i'll never get back. I really dont know what to do. I cant cope anymore. The social dont help one bit as they are very biased against me and advise baby stays with her dad while they do assessments etc but i need my little girl and she needs me. Shes going to be growing up with emotional abuse from her dad always putting her second to his hobbies its classed as neglect. He went to france for 9days while this was going on and left baby with his mum. They always keep her dummy in 24/7, they dont have baby monitors, they dont introduce her to new foods, they cant even take her the doctors shes come back to me with a rash before they knew about it and ignored it. I took her doctors and she had a viral infection rash.

Ive tried mediation but he refuses to go he went to the assesment and that was it he wont go now that was my only chance to talk to him and try and get my little girl home. Please help me

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Nickie1994

Welcome to the Parents’ Discussion Forum.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group.

I am so sorry that you are having such a distressing and upsetting time being separated from your baby daughter.

You say that your baby is on a child protection plan and children services are carrying out assessments. Why did children services become involved and is it because of your alleged mental health issues that there are concerns about your care of your daughter.

I assume that you attended an initial child protection conference and a decision was made then for your baby to be on a plan. Was it also part of the plan for your baby to remain with her father? If this is the case then you will need to stick with this whilst children services carry out their assessment. If you were to remove the baby, this could lead children services to make an application to the court for an order so they could place your baby in foster care. Please read our advice sheet about child protection procedure.

If your baby is subject to a child protection plan, then children services is able to suggest who the baby stays with if there are concerns that she is at risk harm. You say that children services have said they will not get involved in contact or where a child lives that is surprising if there is a child protection plan in place.

How did the father come to be caring for your baby? Is he on the birth certificate? If he is then he shares equal parental responsibility with you for the baby. If children services are saying it is not for them to decide then, you can make an application to the court for an order that your baby live with you. You can contact Coram Children’s Legal Centre to get advice about making an application. However, if there are ongoing assessments about your ability to look after the baby at the moment this might not be the best time to make such an application. The court would ask for children services to do a report and make recommendations about where your daughter should live.

From you post it appear that there were issues of domestic abuse in your relationship with the father. You have addressed your own issues in respect of anger management. Do you have a diagnosed mental health condition and, if so, are you engaging with mental health services.
It is really very important that you work and engage with children services during the assessments that are being done. You need to show that you are able to safely care for your daughter by making sure you do what you need to do to address the concerns that children services might have about you looking after the baby. Are you having a parenting assessment, psychological or psychiatric assessment? Have children services told you when their assessment will finish? Please read our frequently asked questions here which will explain more about the procedures children services follow in particular circumstances to safeguard children.

I understand your concerns regarding the father and the fact that his mother cares more for the baby than he does but this arrangement may well have been discussed with children services especially because of the work pattern you have described. How did the arrangement for you to have contact 3 times a week come about? There is no reason that you cannot ask children services to look into any concerns you have about how your daughter is being cared for by her father.

You may wish to speak to an adviser and, if so, please telephone our free and confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m. Monday to Friday.

I hope you find this helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie