three days left to decide

[carrotcake]

I have three children, and they live with a family member on a special guardianship order. The reasons for this are as follows. My ex husband was found to have indecent images on his computer (I was not aware of this) and he was arrested. In the years leading up to this he was abusive towards me and this event was a tipping point for me. I had a major breakdown, alone with three kids and still suffering the effects of abuse. I tried to kill myself and I could not cope with my children in the mental state that those circumstances created. I was scared of everything, I could not think clearly. I ended up in hospital. Initially social services decided to return my children to me, but during the time they were away, my family tax credits stopped and I could not afford my mortgage. My ex then took the house from me (nasty ploy to stop my kids coming home). I still see my children on a regular basis. SS did a mental assessment of me which found that I have no mental illness, other than the after affects of domestic abuse, described as a residual issue.
This happened in 2014. I am now in a new, very loving relationship with a man who has four kids of his own. My mental health has improved and I'm doing really well at university- to build a future for myself and my kids, to give them what I couldn't when I was abused and ill. The problem is, I am pregnant! Six weeks. ( I was on the pill) I want this baby so much, but I am worried that they would take it away. I'm with a god man, I'm making something of my life (planning to become a university lecturer). My partner is training to become a psychologist (whereas my ex was just a horrid sex offender). So things have changed for me, but will they see this?
I have a termination booked for Thursday but I am only doing it because I could not go through losing my baby at the hands of ss.

[Ignatious]

Hi HistoryGirl81,

Firstly I'll start off with my personal opinion. If you want this baby, as you've clearly stated, don't go through with the termination. I myself have not experienced it, but my partner has and it is not a pleasant experience.

You stated you don't want to lose baby at the hands of SS. Are they still involved with yourself I'm presuming due to the SGO? or regarding previous issues and your now in another relationship involving other children. If so, are they aware of the unborn child? Children's Services normally only get involved if they have concerns about a child(ren). Not knowing if SS / CS have any ongoing concerns, (not counting the residual issue already mentioned), they may not need to be informed.

That aside, Congratulations.

Not sure if you've seen the information sheet on Special Guardianship Orders, You might find some useful information there.

Your post doesn't say how long the SGO arrangements are for, long or short term, nor the conditions. I would imagine your situation has significantly changed for the better. You may be able to apply to the court to get the SGO discharged. Although not knowing the ages of all 7 children, the house may suddenly become ....interesting.

I hope this helps, and in the absence of any other reply's I wanted to post before Thursday.

Good Luck,... TP

[carrotcake]

The sgo is meant to be long term. Apparently if I want it overturned I have to apply to get leave of court first. I see my children once a month, usually go to the park or a museum. The only other concerns they had were about me not keeping on top of day to day things, but that was caused by the breakdown. I had issues at the time about trusting people, especially men (my social worker was a man) so I told them I was ok when I really wasn't ok. They used that against me. My ex was playing me off against them and I was very confused.

[carrotcake]

I have no involvement with ss at all now. They are aware my partner has children and don't seem bothered by it.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hello HistoryGirl81

My name is Suzie and I am an adviser at Family Rights Group.

Welcome to the discussion board and thank you for your post. I can see that you have had a nice, supportive response from TP already.

I am sorry that you are feeling so distressed about the possible outcome of your pregnancy. Clearly you are facing a very difficult and personal decision which you and your partner must make based on what you feel is right for you and your family.

I appreciate that you are very anxious about children's services becoming involved in your life again. Given your history, it is very possible that they would want to assess your current circumstances once they became aware of your new pregnancy. This does not mean, however, that they would automatically be concerned about your ability to care for this baby.

As you have clearly stated, you are not in the same situation as when your older children were removed from your care. Previously, you were in a domestically abusive relationship and your ex was arrested for a sexual offence. You were also extremely unwell and, by your own admission, unable to cope at that time.

You are currently well and have made significant improvements to your life. You are also in regular and, by the sounds of it, positive contact with your children without concerns being raised. Finally, and most importantly, you are with a new partner who is father to this baby. There is nothing to suggest that children's services would have any concerns about him or his ability to support you in caring for your child.

Clearly we cannot know for sure what conclusions children's services will draw if they assess your situation but bear in mind that they will be assessing positives as well as any potential concerns. As long as you continue to maintain positive contact with your older children, remain well and engage with any relevant support services (in relation to your previous mental health problems and domestic abuse) and assuming that there are no new concerns, I would expect children's services to be looking at how they could support you as a family.

If you wanted further reassurance, I would suggest that you could contact children's services and discuss your current situation with them before making a final decision. Although they cannot give you any concrete assurance, they can give you some clarity around what is likely to happen so that you can make a more informed decision.

I hope that this is of some help.

Best Wishes

Suzie
FRG Adviser

[carrotcake]

Thank you for your replies. One issue that greatly worries me is my oldest daughter. She is 15 and has expressed to me that if I was to ever have a baby she would be very upset with me. She has been through too much already and I don't want to hurt her. I think that in three years when she is 18 and able to be involved more that it would be different, as she would be 100% part of my life again and I would include her so that she knows how much I love her. I think that right now at 15 she would see this baby as a rejection of her by me. I only see her once a month.