Confused

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Confusedwife
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Mar 05, 2019 10:23 am

Confused

Post by Confusedwife » Tue Mar 05, 2019 11:26 am

Hi
Hoping someone has some advice.

So my husband was accused of sexually abusing his daughter over 10 years ago he was found not guilty however cps was involved and he was no longer allowed unsupervised contact with his kids.

We met and was open about this. Any way 18 months ago he was accused of downloading indecent images once again found not guilty.

Anyway due to the above and ive never wanted children and due to medical issues never thought we would have children so wasn't a problem.

However a week ago I found out I was pregnant my husband has said there's no way cps will allow us to have the baby unless I separate from him.

I'm so confused right now and don't know if to keep the baby or not I don't want to be a single mum however I'm not 100% sure I want a child either however all this is making the decision even harder as I have no actual facts just my husbands past experience.

So my question is does anyone have any experience in this and what actually happens? What's the actual chance of us been able to keep the baby and not having to be separated?

Thanks

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2247
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Confused

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Mar 13, 2019 4:22 pm

Dear Confusedwife,

I can see that you are pregnant and are in a dilemma about whether to go ahead with the pregnancy.

Your husband has been prosecuted by the police (though found not guilty) on 2 separate occasions due to allegations of child sexual abuse. One was of a contact sexual offence-against his daughter and the second was downloading child sexual abuse images.

Your husband seems very clear that he will not be able to live with you if you go ahead with the pregnancy, due to the allegations made against him. No doubt he was told this when he was assessed by children services in respect of his older children. He is only allowed supervised contact with them.

Ask your husband for a copy of that assessment and any other risk assessments that have taken place.

If you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy, and children services are informed about your husband’s risk, then a pre-birth assessment will take place to see whether your husband is still risky and whether you can protect your baby from his risk.

These assessments and support take time, so it is extremely likely they will want you to live apart from your husband once baby is born until the assessments are completed. Children services may decide to monitor this by way of a child in need or child protection plan.

Children services will say even though he was not convicted of an offence, this does not mean he did not carry out the sexual abuse.
To be convicted, the police would have to show “beyond reasonable doubt” that he had committed the offences. Children services need only prove on the “balance of probabilities” -so 51% he did it to 49% he did not.
Here is information about assessments.

If your husband is assessed as being dangerous to children, then he will only ever be allowed supervised contact, so realistically he will not be allowed to move back in with you as you would not be able to protect your baby when you are asleep.
If you failed to protect your baby –allowed your husband unsupervised contact or did not cooperate with children services, then children services will consider the court route-to seek a care order giving them parent responsibility so they could remove your baby from you.

To get a picture of children services involvement and how your case could escalate look at the triangle diagram -scroll down the page, on our young parents website.

What are the chances of you and your husband living together if you proceed with the pregnancy?


You could look at other threads on the forum. It seems, from the posts we have received, that the chances of you and your husband remaining living together is low. The fact that he was prosecuted (although unsuccessfully)for alleged sexual abuse of his daughter rather than a non-related child may increase the risk. The fact that the allegation was a “contact” offence will also increase his dangerousness to children. Given the allegation of an internet offence (non-contact) was very recent is also likely to raise his risk profile.

To get a better picture about your husband, ask for disclosure from the local police about your husband’s risks via the child sex offences disclosure scheme.

You could also contact your local children services for advice.

You should also speak to an adviser at the Lucy Faithfull Foundation on the Just stop it now helpline. They could give you an idea of your husband’s risk and what support might be available and the chances of him being considered safe to live with a child.

The Lucy Faithfull foundation also has a website "Parents Protect" which you will find useful.

I hope this advice helps. If you have any questions please post back or call our free and confidential helpline on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,

Suzie

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