Children now under child protection Plan and husband removed from home,

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Brokenfamily
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Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2018 12:56 pm

Children now under child protection Plan and husband removed from home,

Post by Brokenfamily » Mon Sep 17, 2018 11:37 am

Our family has been separated since 25th July. On the 24th July my daughter had one of her “meltdowns” and attacked myself and her stepfather, she even bit him twice. She has epilepsy and we were afraid for her safety so we restrained her on her bed as it’s her safe space with bed guards and a anti suffocation pillow. She fought against us becoming more aggressive and we unfortunately caused bruising to her arms. Her father does not like us (domestic violence during my relationship with him, and my daughter adores her stepfather), so he called the police and social services and my husband was arrested yet for some reason I was not.
Her father placed all the blame on my husband yet fortunately the police understood and decided to take no further action. This angered my daughter’s father and he has been threatening our family ever since.

He is now posting on Facebook asking for my husband’s whereabouts and threatening him with violence and encouraging his friends to do the same. We have the police involved now. My daughter gave a different version of events because she was interviewed with her father, and she now admits he told her to say bad things about me and her step dad, but the social workers don’t believe this and say she’s telling us things we want to hear, she’s 7.

I was removed from the family home with my three children the same day my husband was arrested and also removed. I was forced to live at my mothers house which is very overcrowded and cluttered yet they wouldn’t listen. At first they wanted to take my boys from me (my daughter stayed at my grandmothers) but I fought this as my 6 month old with Down’s syndrome syndrome had heart failure and I’m trained in how to look after him. Luckily they let me stay at my mothers with them as the next day my son was rushed to ****Children’s hospital and on 31st July he had open heart surgery. We spent 5 weeks in hospital, my husband was allowed to stay also with myself supervising, and then they discharged me and my son to my mothers address, again not listening to my concerns.

Well a week ago I broke the written agreement I was forced to sign without even reading (there are no court orders), and I moved my children back home. We woke up at my mothers house, covered in flea bites and there were mice in the house! I refused to stay there any longer. I sought legal advice and was told I could infact stay unsupervised with my children because there was no court orders in place and I hadn’t agreed to be supervised. The social workers didn’t agree and threatened to take the children by going to court for an emergency care order. My pensioner grandmother has been forced to stay at my house with me ever since.

They have prevented CAMHS from assessing my daughter claiming her behaviour is due to circumstances at home!! I had already been to my GP before any of this happened because I was concerned she is displaying signs of ADHD and possibly Oppositional Defiant Disorder too. They agreed with my concerns and referred her, but I knew CAMHS we’re backing out so I asked my GP to transfer the referral to a neurodevelopment team at a hospital instead, I’m now hoping they can’t interfere with this also.

All blame is placed on us, we have tried everything to help my daughter but she can not regulate and even staying at my mothers house she’s had meltdowns and even attacked my 17 year old sister! They won’t believe what I say! Her father is even saying that my husband moved in with us without even meeting my daughter! And that her epilepsy was caused by him! And he’s stating that my husband is violent and controlling with me! I actually think this man is describing himself because my husband is a wonderful man and we have a fantastic marriage.

I’m absolutely devastated he cannot be at home with us and as my nan won’t look after the children on her own I’m effectively a prisoner and can’t even spend time alone with my husband. He’s struggling with this and working every day still but he’s 20 miles away staying with his parents. They won’t even allow his parents to see the children either!

A social worker visited my in laws (I was supposed to be going home with them staying at my house), and she asked them what they thought about what happened. They stated they understood our situation, and knew we never intended to bruise her. She told my in laws they are unsafe to be around children!! My father in law did not take kindly to this and told her she’s making a meal out of it all, so now they’re classed as aggressive!

My husband saw the children for the first time last Saturday for two hours at a contact centre. They had missed him a lot, especially my daughter as she calls him “daddy”. This was never encouraged by us but she has a wonderful relationship with him. Her father has rarely bothered with her, always picks her up hours later, doesn’t feed her, or give her medication and he leaves her unattended in cinemas, restaurants and unlocked cars. He took her swimming when she can’t swim and left her alone with no armbands in the pool. Her seizures have no warning. We even believe he’s taken her on drug deals as he’s left her outside houses in his unlocked car while she says he brings back money. He was previously convicted for dealing. We stopped his over night stays with her as she was telling us he was staying in bed and telling her to wake him if she needed him, she can’t do this if she’s having a seizure! She was scared and uncomfortable because he made her sleep in his bed too. Now she’s told social workers ALONE she does not want to see him. He is telling them I’m making her say this (I was still in hospital when this happened and I didn’t even know she was being spoken to!) and the social workers AGREE they need to remove her from the situation to discover how she really feels??

I have no idea what’s going on. They won’t listen to us and we’re made out to be something we are not. They even claimed I have mental health problems because “I believe what I am saying is the truth but it actually isn’t”, so basically they say I’m lying. I’m refusing to do this! I am perfectly sane. All the while my daughter’s father is being listened to, still attending meetings separately and they treat him like the sun shines out of his backside. I’m very proud of my daughter fo finally speaking up and telling them she doesn’t want to see him. I feel so awful for making her go out with him when on many occasions she didn’t want to.

Apparently we’re starting parenting assessment this week and I’m hoping they will finally see the truth and that our children are not at risk from us and we just want to help my daughter. None of this is her fault and I’ve told her that. Both of us deeply regret bruising her as we only meant to protect her. They treat us like we attacked her and that’s not what happened, I’d placed her on the naughty step beforehand and tried talking to her but nothing was calming her down, I even sent her to her room but she broke her bedroom door throwing herself into it. Solicitors are reluctant to help because nothings going to court. I’m just so lost right now. My family is utterly broken and it’s my sons 2nd birthday this week and his father can’t even see him! We need advice, just anything at all will help.
***amended by Suzie to protect confidentiality
Last edited by Brokenfamily on Sun Nov 11, 2018 8:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Children now under child protection Plan and husband removed from home,

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Sep 19, 2018 5:15 pm

Dear Broken family,

Welcome to the Parents Forum.

I am sorry to hear about the recent difficulties you have had and that your family is being assessed by children services. I can hear how stressful it has been. You have also had to cope with your younger child being in hospital for 5 weeks, and your partner-father of your youngest- having to move out while assessments take place as well as you and the children having to move as well.
Children services are insisting that both you and your partner must be supervised when you are with your children. If you do not agree, children services have threatened court proceedings. So family life must be very difficult.

The intervention by children services stemmed from you and your partner restraining your 7 year old daughter and causing bruises on her arms. Her father reported this to the police who investigated but decided to take no further action.

Understandably, in these circumstances, children services have to assume the worse-until they know otherwise. That the injuries could have been done deliberately as well as the fact they could have been accidental. If they allowed you and your partner to have unsupervised contact, and she suffered a further injury, then children services would have failed to protect her.
Sometimes children are expected to live elsewhere (with family or in foster care) when physical abuse is suspected. Luckily you have family who can supervise you.
Ask about timescales and what is expected of you during the assessment. It might seem more manageable if you know what to expect, when it will end and how many times you will be visited.

Here is some information about assessments.

In respect of your daughter’s behaviour, I am surprised that children services have stopped the CAMHs assessment. Why have they not put it on hold until their assessment has been completed? Ask the social worker why this has happened? Her behaviour could be due to autism or another condition and any delay in her getting treatment could be detrimental.
You should let them know that you have asked the GP to refer to a hospital based neuro-development team-as they are likely to find out themselves from the GP and may think you are failing to cooperate. Are they worried about you seeking too many medical assessments for your daughter?

You could speak to the National Autistic Society about autism and whether they can recommend any parenting courses. Or Family Lives could give advice and support about dealing with difficult behaviour.

Finally, I get the impression that the social worker has not explained their involvement properly.
Our advice sheet 9 –child protection procedures explains what happens when there is a child protection referral. Also look at our tips to help parents to work with children services .

If you need further advice, please post again or call our private and confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,
Suzie

Brokenfamily
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2018 12:56 pm

Re: Children now under child protection Plan and husband removed from home,

Post by Brokenfamily » Sat Nov 10, 2018 7:54 am

So it has been a little while and a lot has changed. My son ended up back in hospital, as did my Nan. She was unable to return home with me due to the stress of the situation. So we went against the social workers and I returned home alone with the children. They agreed to allow this to happen but they would send people out every morning and evening at “difficult” times of the day. This proved difficult for them as there were days when no one showed up. It has not been difficult for me.

We have now completed all parenting assessments, our review meeting was scheduled for this Monday however they have cancelled it. They also cancelled the core group meeting the week before. I was informed this meeting would also decide when my husband can come home. I am not happy with their explanation for the cancellation. The social worker conducting the parenting assessment informed me she was unaware she had to sign off the report and plans with another manager. They will not be going through the findings of the parenting assessment with us until the day of the meeting, which I find to be extremely convenient for them as this does not give us time to confer with our solicitor.

Three weeks ago my daughter began having large tonic clonic seizures. Our GP agreed this was due to the stress of the situation. However, she is refusing to see her father and he is not taking kindly to this and using anything and everything against us. The social workers still claim I am the reason she does not want to see him and that the timing is too “convenient” regardless of the fact he has terrified her the last two occasions she’s had contact with him. We’ve had to involve hospital security, the police and now Victim support and refuge state we are “high risk” and they want to conduct a multi agency meeting. I have alarms now installed on my windows and doors. The social workers stance on this is that she believes I “make people out to be bad when I don’t want them in my life anymore”. This was said to me by the assessment social worker with her manager present. They are downplaying the domestic violence situation with my daughter’s father, regardless of the recent police involvement, threats of violence and their own actions putting me and my family in danger. They continue to involve my daughter’s father and have made no efforts to conduct any assessments on him. He has gone so far as to phone my daughter’s consultant claiming I am not administering her medication. We have not seen him for months so he could not be aware of anything to do with my family, yet he is constantly trying to find out where my husband is living so he can “pay him a visit” there have also been threats of violence with weapons against my husband.

The social workers managed to stop all involvement with CAMHS and I have not heard back from the neurodevelopment team. We are being told that my daughter’s behaviour is down to our parenting, and they are also informing medical professionals of this also. I have also raised concerns about her medication affecting her behaviour and this has been ignored. We are now too afraid to even approach this subject any further, so I am waiting for admissions to find a school placement for my daughter so the teachers will be able to write their own reports and assessments of her. We have applied to three schools in our area and she has been refused for each one. We are very rural with no transport. The social workers are claiming this is my fault for home educating her. I have been trying to get her into a school for nearly a year now, prior to when we moved house to this area. There is clear evidence of this, yet the fact she is not in school is still being used against me. With three children at home I am still finding the time to teach her accordingly with the national curriculum for key stage 2, 2 hours a day. This is not good enough and they do not even look at the work she is doing which is advanced for her age group. They have witnessed my daughter kicking me, getting very close to my face when she’s angry and being very defiant, yet they are choosing to ignore the behaviour they have witnessed and it is once again my fault. I was told she only kicked me because I was saying something she didn’t like. That is no excuse and I am baffled they can condone that behaviour.

I am being told there is a “long way to go” with my parenting, which I am not happy about. They are expecting us to implement many house rules which I have cooperated with and I am now running my household with set times for everything as though it is a prison. Yet, they are expecting my toddler to be trained like an obedient dog and raise concerns about my parenting when he doesn’t listen to me or climbs something or screams. They do not seem to understand this is typical toddler behaviour, and although I have implemented every course of action they have suggested, he is still doing these things, albeit slightly calmer. I get told that they know when I am not implementing their suggestions. I have done everything they have asked of me regardless of if they are here or not and I have even openly agreed with them that many of their suggestions have helped because a few things have.

There are still no court orders in place, and the threats of an EPO have ceased, but my husband is now on antidepressants due to the situation. I’m becoming very worried about him as he needs to be back home now. It has caused an enormous amount of grief for ourselves and for our children. My 2 year old cries every time he sees a motorbike because he thinks it’s his Daddy. My daughter is continually crying and messaging my husband because she is missing him.

I have many concerns yet we are too afraid to start the complaints process until their decisions have been made. My husband is allowed contact with the children at the house now, just two hours supervised on a weekend. I no longer have any unannounced visits or “spot checks” to make sure my husband is not at the property. This ended three weeks ago. We have been informed by other professionals they are writing “good reports” for us as they have no concerns, yet what the social workers say to us is that they are unravelling our parenting to basically find fault and we need to undo the bad parenting we have been doing. After everything we have been through with our children I take great offence to this but I keep my mouth shut and nod and smile and agree.

They are claiming I never spoke with our GP regarding my daughter’s behaviour and violence towards us, my GP has proof I did. They are constantly phoning our families at inconvenient times and demanding they talk to them. Constantly asking the same questions regarding our relationship trying to prove my husband is abusive towards me. They will not find any evidence of this as there is none because we have a wonderful relationship. We are strong together and will not let this break us. Their information has come from my daughter’s father, which is terrible considering the domestic violence he put me through. I find their investigation of us to be incorrect and obsessive.

I informed them of my decision to start a law degree over six years online, which starts next February. I have enrolled and I am sorting out my student finance, with support and advice from themselves. However, at the midway meeting I was told my decision was “impulsive” it is “not the right time” and I am wrong for doing this. I cannot win. They are trying to manipulate every aspect of our lives even setting us up to fail. I have even informed them that in the last 2 months I have completed six online university level courses to ensure I am capable of meeting the required workload and that it does not interfere with my ability to parent my children. This is also wrong of me.

I am constantly told that I am “lying” and preventing them from doing their job because I am not telling them the truth. Quite honestly I would like to kick them out of my house every time this is said to me because it is frustrating when all I am doing is cooperating. I no longer plan any days out with my children because when they turn up unexpectedly or call the house (I don’t have a mobile the children broke it), I am in the wrong for not being at home. And I am told that bringing the children home at 6pm is too late, regardless of the fact we’ve been with family and the children already ate. They also failed my friend on the police check apparently, even though she’s worked for a special needs school and is qualified to care for my children. I have no one else willing to help me like she does.

This situation appears at first glance to be improving, as with the reduced spot checks, however the entire situation as a whole is now very concerning to us and we are dreading the outcome of these assessments and what their decision will be. I want my husband home before Christmas, but at this point in time it does not look like that will happen.

PerfectlySafeDad
Posts: 91
Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:57 am

Re: Children now under child protection Plan and husband removed from home,

Post by PerfectlySafeDad » Sun Nov 11, 2018 6:33 pm

This to me is a prime example of how CS are out of their depth on so many issues, and not fit for purpose, and too arrogant to admit it. Nobody can deny your situation is quite complex and fragile, and there are issues with your kid's well-being with living conditions, illnesses and volatile relationships (your ex and his problem with the stepdad). However.. 1) these things are part and parcel of human existence with every family to some extent, the problem is where CS choose to make it THEIR business 2) what makes CS think they can do any better, with their intrusive behaviour, threatening assessments and draconian tools such as care orders, protection plans all of which may well do/be doing more harm than good.
Prime examples.. childhood epilepsy and Down's Syndrome - nobody but a caring parent is better placed to understand these things, and the children themselves are extra- vulnerable to trauma and the disruption caused by CS.
This strikes a chord with me, having a 13yo son with both Downs AND epilepsy :-(
I've cared for him since birth, along with his Mum, gone through all the worrying and heartbreaking tests, nurtured his progress ever since with perfectly normal love; I bonded with him, he needs me. There's no evidence to the contrary - apart from the fact I offended on the internet! So by association (their assessment, prediction, 'guesswork') I'm a risk and can only see him supervised and can't live with him. This means if anything happens to his Mum, he'll be eaten alive and possibly lost to the state's so-called 'care system'. His own house is specially adapted for him, nobody understands his needs and state of mind better than me or his Mum, yet he'd be in the clutches of all manner of alleged experts who cannot possibly care about him as much as a parent. They claim they care - it's not about care, it's about backcovering, the fear of having another Baby P on their hands, and a brutal and dumb spreading of the draconian net in response to that, instead of more intelligent focused work.
If they devoted their attention to cases where there's quite clearly a history of uncaring and even direct attacks on a child, instead of disrupting where they think there's the smallest possible future risk based on conjecture around illnesses or unrelated offences they don't understand, they'd have actually prevented those tragic cases in the first place.
The problem is once a family is in their sights, they won't let go, because they're too proud to admit mistakes let alone do a U-turn, even though it would be an act of compassion, common sense and trust. The fact is it's a disaster for any family to come to the attention of CS, because once this has happened they'll be flagging up anything and everything that would actually constitute perfectly safe and normal behaviour of non-flagged families; in other words, almost ANY family in the land would fail their assessments on 'something', if they were unlucky enough to be referred.
Case in point; their ludicrous statement that your kids should be hone by 6pm.
Their dictatorialness is at such a pitch that merely disagreeing with them on something can get you labelled 'aggressive' in a heartbeat, then that becomes canonical fact in their assessments.
They prove the very names they get called (and usually censored here and elsewhere) by their very actions.
It seems, once under their supervision, all you can do is let them have their way and hope they'll eventually go away and that all your important family ties have not been destroyed in the meantime.

Brokenfamily
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2018 12:56 pm

Re: Children now under child protection Plan and husband removed from home,

Post by Brokenfamily » Sun Nov 11, 2018 8:34 pm

I completely agree, on so many levels, and the protection plan and decision to remove my husband has clearly had a very negative impact on my family. Our family life has been turned upside down and for what purpose? So they can carry out their biased interrogations and outdated assessment techniques on a family who pose no threat to their children? What happened was unfortunate, but we would never intentionally harm our children, we acted to keep her safe from harm. We do our utmost to ensure our children’s needs are met and they have all relevant equipments they require. They do not understand children with extra needs, because if they were understanding this would not be happening to us. They would be supportive, encouraging of medical assessments, helping us to cope with challenging behaviours and not stating that this has all happened because of our parenting. I guarantee I will be taking them to court myself, once I have the evidence I need, as they should not prevent any child’s medical needs from being met.

Working on the premise of the “balance of probabilities” does no one any favours. The odds are already stacked against us just by someone saying they think something’s going on, or they think something is going to happen. Thinking can be dangerous, it is evidence that is required.

Whilst they are investing a lot of time in my family, it is definitely making me wonder what part of their time is allocated to children who are in real need. It has already been acknowledged by many of their workers that they do not have the appropriate level of resources and staff. This leads me to believe that either they don’t have many “serious” cases that need their full attention, or they’re effectively breaching their statutory duty! I fail to see how our loving, and protective family is classed as a serious case, but if you even suggest this to them you’re automatically not understanding the serious nature of the incident in question. We are treated like criminals, not the loving and caring parents we are. What happens to teachers who restrain children causing non accidental injuries? Nothing. They are allowed to exercise a level of force in their restraint that they see is reasonable.

My friends son was recently restrained by a teacher into a table which caused excessive bruising to his back. The parent was not informed of this, only that he was restrained by the wrists and had a small mark to one of them. How can that be acceptable? I restrained my daughter in a soft place, on her bed with her bedguards, she was face up and like a wild animal, entirely out of character as she has such a wonderful and loving nature, yet in these moments I don’t even recognise her. It is at this point she is also very likely to suffer a large tonic clonic seizure, and god forbid she ever hits her head during one, hence the restraint. My cousin unfortunately died from hitting his head during a seizure at the start of the year, which has only proven to worsen my already existing fears regarding her condition.

I do hope your situation improves, as I also hope mine will, but with Children’s services you never know which hand you will be dealt. It is a shame they rebranded themselves, as SS was more than apt.

PerfectlySafeDad
Posts: 91
Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:57 am

Re: Children now under child protection Plan and husband removed from home,

Post by PerfectlySafeDad » Sun Nov 11, 2018 10:04 pm

The rebranding is very significant. It's pernicious, even though in the warped minds of the people behind it the intention might have been good. It shows the shift from the motivation to 'help' families and the true notion of support, to a narrow-minded obsession with 'safeguarding' only the child, which they do by effectively claiming control of the child's life. Whenever somebody from the local authority mentions the word 'support', as in 'we'll consider whether your family needs extra support', it makes my blood run cold. I can see in their eyes I'm face to face with a kind of lunatic, or at least someone well-intentioned but brainwashed by the training they've had. All I want to sodding do is take my son for a coffee or a bike-ride, like we've done perfectly normally all his life; it's not rocket science yet they make it as difficult and drawn out as a voyage to Mars because of their processes and fear of what 'might' go wrong based on no evidence of anything going wrong before.
If I expressed this, they'd brand it as instability or even insanity on my part, yet there's a trail of good reason to feel that way in my own case and in what I hear of others. It's tangibly like Stalinist Russia now, in that if you even criticise the system you're branded as needing treatment or even locking up (done by removing you from your kid's lives, which has the same effect for their purposes): Looks like your husband and your parents-in-law are kind of in this position.
They view the parents (or ANY other adult outside their own little quango) as commodities of risk instead of human beings. Everyone is in effect forced to 'prove' they're not an active abuser (difficult) or a future abuser (impossible), either by obsession with DBR checks which can fail on the stupidest things, or a very long and hard road to redemption for those weak enough to have offended in any way. 'Offender' has become a kind of modern religious word like 'heretic' or 'witch' used to be, and even if a person has not been legally branded as one by doing something to attract police and judiciary, the CS will try to make you out to be one, or even anybody by association who dares to speak up for you.
I've been accused of letting my kids down badly by former friends, and that's about the one thing I do agree with - by being stupid enough to drag us all into this witch hunt, but not by anything I've done to them in myself. The pain of this drowns out my remorse for the crap I got up to on the internet, they prevent moving on because they perpetuate stigma and brand a person as something 10x worse than the mistakes they made in the past, and in effect they exact their own sentence for crimes not committed but theoretically 'might be'.
Good luck taking them to court. It should be made illegal to police the future.

Brokenfamily
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2018 12:56 pm

Re: Children now under child protection Plan and husband removed from home,

Post by Brokenfamily » Sat Dec 15, 2018 1:56 pm

Update: My husband is coming home!!! We will finally be back together as a family and just in time for Christmas. We’ve still got to complete a few parenting things and he has to do anger management but it’s a start!

I filed a complaint with our local authority regarding several social workers unprofessionalism and things that were said to me that should not have been said. And guess what... their “final response” states that the social workers in question are denying everything! Even about telling me “I make people out to be bad when I don’t want them in my life anymore”. I am furious. They have the nerve to constantly claim I am lying to them about anything and everything, yet they have the audacity to lie on an official complaint!! I’ve escalated my complaint to the local government ombudsmen and I have also reported the main social worker in question to the HCPC. I will not let this go. Victim support and refuge are involved and are very upset about the way I have been treated. I have requested the social worker receives further training on dealing with victims of domestic violence.

Fortunately we have a wonderful social worker who has not only helped to bring my husband home before Christmas, but who has also listened to my daughter’s views, helped me get a school place for her, and she has helped to prevent me from undergoing psychological assessments.

The result of the parenting assessment and the following child protection conference stated that my husband was to remain out of the home, that I am lying about everything and even went so far as to state I exaggerate my child’s epilepsy! They claimed I have mental health problems and I am unrealistic and put my husband before my children. They also claimed I lack the capacity to parent my children appropriately and I’m manipulative etc etc. The list is endless. It was an unprovoked personal attack on myself and yet barely a word said about my husband, apart from he needs anger management because he became angry during the interviews just once. I became angry with them on multiple occasions yet I have not been asked to do this. As a result of the “professionals” comments the children are remaining on a child protection plan because of ME!?

I am very confused that things have suddenly taken a u-turn. Our social worker said at the core group meeting (where no one else turned up) that I don’t need the assessments, my husband is coming home and they are no longer pursuing contact with my child’s father. We’re all wondering if somethings happened we’re not aware of? Perhaps she knows they have been awful towards me.

All I can say to anyone is RECORD EVERYTHING! put a camera somewhere, use Audio, do anything you can to get proof of their conduct! I wish I had and now I’m having to fight this on my word against theres.

Ra123
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2018 3:02 pm

Re: Children now under child protection Plan and husband removed from home,

Post by Ra123 » Sat Dec 15, 2018 2:23 pm

That is great news. Am really glad you are all getting to be s family again. The only thing I will say is be careful about secretly recording things thanks to the new GDPR guidelines which means that you should have the person's permission to do so first.

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