Dear lisahiedi
Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum.
I see from your post that you are feeling very distressed by your current situation and particularly worried about whether you could lose your son. It must be very difficult for you.
You have mentioned in your post that your son was already on a child protection plan because of domestic violence in your relationship with his father. Subsequently, you started a relationship with someone who had been to prison (you do not say what the offence was). Children’s services it seems had concerns about your new partner and informed you that he could not come to your property or be around your son.
The situation has escalated as you are now in care proceedings and children’s services have an interim care order in respect of your son. From what you say in your post, it appears that children’s services believe that you were still in contact with your partner and, it seems to them, that you were putting your son at risk due to issues of domestic violence. A copy of our advice sheet relating to care proceedings is here for your information.
Care (and related) proceedings
You have said that things were said about your partner in relation to domestic violence which are not true. However, children’s services are of the view that he poses a risk to you and your son. Your partner was in prison prior to your relationship and is again in prison.
From your post and your wish to remain in contact with your partner even whilst he is in prison suggests that you do not see him as a risk. You do say you want a relationship with him away from your son. Have you considered how this is likely to work? How long were you in this relationship? I think it is very important that you understand that part of the concerns that children’s service have is your ability to put the needs of your son first. As well as your ability to protect him from harm.
To answer your specific question whether children’s services would find out if you were in contact with him whilst in prison. I believe that there is a very real likelihood that they would and for you to try to do this without their knowledge will be seen as you not being open and honest with children’s services. This in turn, could lead to a view that you are not capable of working with professionals. How do you envisage being in touch with this partner whilst he is in prison? Please read this information and advice about
domestic violence
In your post you say that children’s services is happy with the care you provide your son and their only concern is keeping him safe. Do you think children’s services would consider that you were keeping him safe if you continued a relationship with someone they think is a risk? Part of caring for you son safely is to ensure that he is not put in a situation likely to cause him harm and, if you wish to be in a relationship with your partner the better way would be for children’s services to carry out a risk assessment to find out the level of risk he poses to you and your son. Going about a relationship secretly in the hope that when you go public it will be alright is not an appropriate way forward.
As you are currently in care proceedings, I think it is important that you discuss with your solicitor what you would like to happen in respect of your relationship. Your solicitor will have all the information relating to your case and the evidence regarding your partner to advice you appropriately.
It is not clear from our post if you are a young parent, but you may find this helpful
young parents website. Even if you are not a young parent you may find th information helpful as there is advice about how to work with children’s services, your solicitor and others.
The final sentence n your post is that you cannot lose your son. It is really very important that you work cooperatively and openly with children’s services. Trying to continue a relationship in secret would mean you being seen as untrustworthy and not protective of your son.
It will be the judge at the final hearing who will the decision about where your son will live. If you have family or friends who might be able to look after your son if you cannot, then you should ensure that children’s services is aware of the support you have including someone in the family caring for your son long term. That is of course, one way of keeping your son in his birth family. Worst case scenario is possible adoption but this will be where there is no other alternative for your son. Your solicitor may already have explained these possibilities to you.
Should you wish to discuss your situation with an adviser, you can telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open form 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday (except Bank Holidays].
I hope you will find this information helpful.
Best wishes
Suzie