Help with my son

[Janey]

I am the single mother of 2 boys aged 7 and 10 years old. I am very worried about my eldest son. He is very badly behaved. He can get very angry and can be physically violent. It has got much worse recently and is starting to cause me concern that he will hurt me and my youngest son or even himself. I don’t know what to do, has anyone else been through this?
Can you offer any advice on where to go?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Janey,

Thanks for registering and posting on our new board. Sorry it has taken a little while to reply.

Sorry you are having a difficult time. Have you been in touch with Children’s Services (CS), which used to be called Social Services, yet? If not, I would recommend that you do and ask for your son to be assessed as a child in need (CIN). CS has a duty to safeguard and provide services to children who are "in need". This is also known as family support services.

A CIN is either a child who is disabled or a child who requires services from CS to achieve or maintain a reasonable standard of health or development, which includes emotional and behavioural development and the types of services that are available to help him will include things like counselling and advice and guidance to you on how to deal with his behaviour.

However, before services can/will be offered an assessment needs to done by a social worker (SW). When you call CS asking for the assessment, CS have 1 working day to decide if they will do an assessment. If they won’t, they need to tell you that. If they do decide to assess, CS have 10 working days to complete an initial investigation, looking at your son’s needs. This would involve the SW speaking to you and your son. It is usual for the SW to speak to a child alone. CS will also contact other professionals involved with the children, for example school and GP. After looking into all of this the SW will decide how to proceed. If they think your son is “in need” of support services and CS will undertake a core assessment, this must be completed within 35 working days.

The core assessment is a more in-depth assessment of the child’s needs and what services will be able to assist him. It should also include the wider family and how they can offer support. You should be kept fully informed of all that is going on through this process by the SW. If the child is found to be “in need” a plan will be drawn up setting out what services will be offered, to support the family. Please read our Family Support Services advice sheet for more information on all of the stages.

Do remember that you can phone our advice line on 0808 801 0366 if you have more questions or if you want to talk over what I have written with someone. The line is free and confidential and open Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 3.30pm. Also, hopefully other people on the board will be able to share there own experiences with you.

Best Wishes

Suzie

[cheekipixi]

Hi Janey,

My son was only 3yrs old when his creche wanted to expel him, they didnt have the resourses to help him, he needed a 1 to 1, they encouraged me to ask for help from social services, this i did and they refused, saying it was all to do with the recent breakup from his dad and me. It wasn't. He actually had ADHD,ODD and many other issues which were nothing to do with anything apart from him having a medical problem.

He has a diagnosis of combined ADHD, ODD, learning difficulties, dyslexia and severe behavioural problems for which he is highly medicated. He's has a statement of educational needs and is on his 3rd primary school, which is an out of county school where he is thriving, still majorly hard work but is slowly progressing and can actually read a sentence and write a little now.

It has been 9yrs of pure hell trying to access any help at all and I have got these things for him myself and of late with the help of a really brilliant solicitor. Social Services are supposed to be there to help but i'm afraid were definately not there to help me, just hinder and pursicute (spelling gone poo with age lol).

During those 9yrs and still at it, I have self referred (dont wait for referrals from DR's etc as this takes to long, even though a lot, nearly all services have to be referred by a proffessional body) to NCH - Action for Children-who were realy kind and helpful, CAHMS - who were as bad as SS, webster stratton programme, which wud not have helped my son at all, ADHD team, who were no help and we've been on waiting list since 2006, Dr's had no idea and just passed him on, Alderhey Hospital, who were brilliant, little angels who couldnt help due to his diagnosis, this site, who have helped me no end, cerebra, very good listeners, loads of websites.

It is sole destroying when you see ur child going thru hell and no1 will help, just keep going and dont ever doubt yourself, I do wish you the very best and hope you get some help soon.

-x-

[fishwillow]

Hi Janey
I'm with cheekipixi. We adopted our daughter at the age of 3yrs and saw straight away something was wrong with her behavior and over the years it got out of control which included her being violent, smashing up the house, running away, overdoses and loads more. After 11yrs of constantly asking for help, CAMHS and CS became involved (AT LAST)! but no that was the worse thing ever. In our opinion they are both useless they lie and get away with it you complain and they still get away with it. Just be careful do not discuss anything over the phone get everything in black and white but then still be carefull. I can understand why there are so many children in care today by how Social Workers act. Sometimes I wonder if they get a bonus for who gets the most children put in care. PLEASE BE VERY CAREFULL !!!

[purdie]

I had the same proberlem went for help with social services, my child is now in care, my child was left in a park by the foster father, for 10 days, until I found out and is now on drugs, drinking and having sex .He said when I found out he was taking other people down with him.
My heart has been broken by social services and my child was abandoned by the foster father, no criminal proceedings were put in place and this man is still a foster parent getting 400+ a week for a teenager and 280 a week for a child tax free. Runs it as a company.
My child never had any of those issues just a very bad temper, so that what going to ss happens, when you go for help for your child to ss.
I am persuing this man through the police and the IPCC at the moment because the ss said he has recived some extra training and been given some leaflets,and that is the end of the matter.
Well not as far as I am concerned.
This man is only in it for the money.
I can go to an address today to a man and womans house that run it like a puppy farm who were in dept up to their eye balls, I know this because I was their debt collector,kids sat on bare floor boards eating bags of Mc Donalds with the foster mother shouting at them,
No tables or chairs for the children to sit at to eat or even watch telly, he was converting the loft so he could squeeze more kids in, and had another friend and his partner who was doing the same thing,I used to hate going to that address.
Those poor children,everytime I was their it was meal time and it was only ever mc donalds I saw no fresh food, or fruit , not even a chair they all sat on floorboards.
Don't go to social services.