Frustrated

[mumofsum3]

Hi

Where to start? Essentially, my daughter is 15 next month,I still have a Residence Order, but I agreed to let her father try & sort out her behavioural 'issues' 2 1/2 yrs ago after I became emotionally exhausted (lying, stealing, general untrustworthiness) I'd been down the counselling, behaviour therapy & child psychology (CAMHS) route over 7 yrs before then, I was sort of ambushed into agreeing to it as, with hindsight, I really wasn't in the right frame of mind to make that decision at that time, but I did. I don't know what he went back & told her but she has refused all contact since, bar twice, once we bumped into her & once my current husband 'surprised' me last christmas by collecting her for a visit (in reality she only wanted her christmas money), but both times were pleasant, stress free & we had a bit of a laugh.
I know that her behavioural 'issues' stem from seriously bad attention seeking, but academically she is doing really well at school.
To the here & now, I have found out through a 3rd party she is receiving weekly psychotherapy( I have found out appointed by the school), & her father, after I had to ask, said it is all about her time with ME!! As if he had no part in her life during that time, but also that I'm NOT allowed to have the therapists details. I fear that her psychological welfare has seriously diminished ( I have heard that she is left unsupervised after school & that she was not even allowed to be in the house i.e locked out, until her father or step-mother returned home, even to the point that during the holidays that could be for hours) especially since hearing that a boyfriend had dumped her recently. Her father stopped her visits to CAMHS as he couldn't be bothered to drive her into town every week/fortnight.

I'm not sure where I stand to be honest, she won't see me to talk about these 'issues', her father is full of 'it and of himself (& I suspect fears that he will loose face because he failed to 'sort her out' (his word 2 1/2 yrs ago)). Am I entitled to the Therapists details? Would it be worth airing my concerns with Child Services? If I can get the therapists details, should I try & speak to them, with my concerns? Could I legally get her home, perhaps citing her psychological welfare? Or have I made my bed? And I'll have to wait, hope & pray she comes back to me eventually?

Thanks

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Mumofsum3

Welcome to the board.

Sorry that you are having such a difficult time with regards to contact with your 14 year old daughter.

Residence Order:

You say that you have a Residence Order for her, but that you ‘reluctantly’ consented to her going to reside with her father. This was so that her behavioural problems could be addressed, and for the most part, these have improved following input from mental health services, and that she seems to be doing well in school.

Were Children’s Services involved prior to your daughter going to live with her father? If so, what concerns if any, did they have about her welfare whilst placed in your care? More importantly, has her father applied to have the residence order transferred over to him, or have the Local Authority obtained a court order in respect of your daughter? I ask these questions, as they may determine how quickly she could be returned to your care, either now or in the future.

Daughter’s behavioural difficulties:

Since you have parental responsibility for your daughter, there needs to be a good reason why the psychologist’s details are kept from you.

You say were not involved in the psychotherapy referral, and heard about it from a 3rd party. This is worrying, as you should be consulted in any decisions made about her, even if she is not residing with you. I would suggest you get the information from Children's Services, so that you can speak to them directly.

If you decide to do so, make it clear why you are contacting them, you understand that your daughter is entitled to some degree of confidentiality, about the work they are doing with her. Explain that you want the best for your daughter, even though she is not residing with you. In this way, the psychologist can see that you are trying to prioritise your daughter's emotional needs

Contact:

You say that your daughter is not wishing to have contact with you at present, and that this decision may have been influenced by her father. You could seek further advice from the psychologist to see if they can recommend anything more you could be doing to support your daughter at this time.

In reality, you could make an application for contact with your daughter through the court, but there is no guarantee that this would be successful. In view of your daughter’s age, and understanding, her wishes and feelings about who she wants to reside with, would be carefully considered by the court, or in any assessments that are undertaken.

Legal Advice:

You may wish to seek independent legal advice via http://www.lawsociety.org.uk who would advise you about your legal options at this time.

However you could discuss your situation in more detail, you can contact the Family Rights Group advice line on 0808 801 0366 Monday to Friday 09.30 am to 03.30 pm.

Best Wishes

Suzie