SS won't give me help

Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:24 pm

SS won't give me help

Postby alexdiaz » Thu Nov 23, 2017 10:15 pm

Hi there, I called many organisation like Family Lives, Lucy Faithful Foundation, Nspcc, also went for a legal advice and all of them told me that my case is a SS concern. I called SS today and they say There is nothing they could do for me. Im confused what to do now.

She started cheating on me a year ago. Since then her behaviour went really wrong. She obviously loves our daughter a lot but she has been doing stuff she can't control.

My wife and my daughter went on holiday, during this time, 3 nights at least my wife was taking pictures of herself masturbating masturbating while she was sexting one of her sex affairs. All those nights my daughter was in the same room but sleep, the lights were on obviously.
Also found pictures of my daughter naked and semi naked (doing nothing wrong, playing in the bathroom, beach, things like that). I was very concern about this.
My daughter has practically daily access to my wife´s phone. I found her once watching a picture that my wife had taken previously in order to sent it to her first sex affair. in the picture she was touching herself half naked. My daughter was only complaining that her program was gone.
we had a terrible argument because my daughter always has access to her phone. in the mornings she watches youtube kids, etc, and she does know how to go to pictures if she wants.

She has been going counselling but she got much worse during this counselling.
Once she left her at 5am in front of the tv and a bowl of cereals, by the time I went downstairs I found my 4 years old daughter half sleep standing in front of the tv with the tv balancing in front of her. It could have been a terrible accident. My wife was going to the gym (I also found text flirting with the gym instructor). She left many times my daughter in front of the Tv with a bowl of cereals at 5.30am in order to go to the gym.
The recent incident was last week that she left the house saying she was seeing a friend for a couple of drinks. My daughter was sad on the door and my wife had to put her away from the door because she was missing the train. My daughter came to me with her finger red and crying really loudly. the door caught her finger. Later a friend of my told me that saw my wife drinking in the bar of a hotel with a guy. she came back home at 3.30am. Apparently it was only sex (she doesn't have drinking problems though)

I didn´t know how abnormal was this. I didn't know if I was exaggerating or I needed to take it more seriously in order to help my wife and protect my daughter. I told my story to many organisations to make sure I would do the right thing. Everyone suggested SS, but SS services said I needed to go to get legal advice instead.
I don't know what to do now.
please, I want some advice. I just want to do the best thing for everyone in the house but its getting very hard.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 1929
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: SS won't give me help

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Nov 29, 2017 2:03 pm

Dear Alexdiaz

Welcome to the Parents’ Discussion Board.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group. I am sorry that you seem to have had difficulty accessing information regarding your situation.

In your post you are concerned about the fact that your wife has been cheating on you and you believe her behaviour is having an impact on your daughter because of things she might see on her mother’s phone.

You do not mention in your post that your daughter is exhibiting any inappropriate behaviour for her age and unless you are able to identify a problem as far as your daughter is concerned it is unlikely that children’s services will become involved because of your wife’s behaviour.

Our service provides advice when children’s services are actually involved with families which is not the case here.
Your wife loves her daughter and is behaving in a way she cannot control. Does she have any health conditions?

If you genuinely feel that your child is suffering harm, then you should put your concerns in writing to children’s services but you must understand that the state of your marriage is not their concern. Children’s services have a safeguarding role as far as children are concerned. They do not have a duty to deal with marital problems.

As you have been advised you need to seek legal advice if you are concerned about what to do regarding your marriage. Have you and your wife considered attending Relate? Also, if you believe your daughter is unsafe, you may need to consider whether you wish to take on her full time care.

I am sorry that we are not able to assist you further.

Best wishes


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