Advice please!!!!

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Joined: Sun Sep 24, 2017 9:08 am

Advice please!!!!

Post by Clh » Mon Sep 25, 2017 8:14 pm

Hi.. my daughters dad is currently serving time jn prision for sleeping with a minor the girl was 15 and he was 19... we wernt together at the time.. the girl bragged about sleeping with him.. but at the end of the trail she turned around and said hed ruined her life and she wasnt the same person anymore.. this led to him reciving a year but will do 6 months prisionment and 10 years on the register..before that he didnt do much with my daughter then and when i confronted him he said he didnt want to bond with her incase he got sent down to which he did..he has recently gotten in contact and apologises for not being there for our daughter and promises to be there when hes out.. And i believe him.. however i dont know how to go about it.. do i take her to see him when hes out or will i have to contact social services as i dont want to take her there ans end up getting into trouble.. i want to go the right way about it.. im a young mum and not a clue what to do.. please any advice or suggestions would be highly appreciated, hes out in February. x

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Advice please!!!!

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Oct 02, 2017 2:55 pm

Dear Clh

Welcome to Family Rights Group’s parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post.

I can see that you are worried about what will happen if you allow your daughter’s father to have contact with her when he is released from prison. It is positive that you are seeking advice and thinking about this now rather than waiting until he comes out. Children’s service will need to become involved if there is a possibility of contact and this will have an impact on your family’s life.

It is a good idea for you to think about the following:

• Your daughter’s father was convicted of a serious sexual offence involving a child.
• Be careful not to minimise the offence or the conviction and try not to use language which may blame the victim. If you do, this will be viewed very negatively by children’s services and may mean that you are seen as less able to think about any potential risks to your own child and how to safeguard her.
• Your daughter’s father will be on the sex offenders’ register for 10 years and so will be monitored in the community.
• Being on the sex offenders’ register means that he may be seen as a person who potentially poses a risk to children.
• Any agencies working with him such as police or probation will need to notify children’s services if he is seeking contact with your daughter.
• Your daughter’s father or you can also contact your local children’s services directly to let them know when he is due out and that he would like to be involved in your daughter’s life then.
• It would not be advisable for you to arrange contact until you have discussed this with children’s services and they have assessed the situation and made recommendations in relation to this.

Children’s services’ assessment is likely to consider whether your daughter’s father could pose a risk of harm to her and how able you are to keep her safe from any risk. They may want you to agree to restrictions being placed on contact until they are satisfied that it is safe and suitable for your daughter. You might also want reassurance that her father is safe to be involved in her care. You can find out more about assessments and plans for children in Family Rights Group’ advice sheets on family support and child protection.

It is really important that you are willing to work with children’s services and show that that you are a protective parent. They will also want to know from your daughter’s father what he has done to address his offending behaviour. He will need to work with them too.

You may find it helpful to look at the Lucy Faithfull Foundation and Stop it now! websites as both contain very useful advice and information for parents about child sexual abuse. They help and support all family members affected including offenders and partners/non-abusive parents. You can also call their Freephone helpline if you would like to speak to someone.

You might find it useful to look at our advice for young parents including tips about how to work with your child’s social worker.

You are being responsible and proactive by thinking in advance about what might happen if contact takes place. It is best that this is assessed in a planned way through you and your daughter's father working with the key professionals, as discussed above.

If you have any further queries please feel free to post again or contact the Freephone advice helpline on 0808 8010366 Monday to Friday 9.30 – 3.00.

Best wishes


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