Social service are not taking on any of my concerns

Post Reply
PME61
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat May 23, 2020 3:03 pm

Social service are not taking on any of my concerns

Post by PME61 » Wed Jun 10, 2020 2:27 pm

Hi

Unfortunately I am unable to get through to your helpline. I’m in a very bad and frustrating situation.

I left an abusive relationship situation 4 weeks ago. This included a lot of controlling abuse, financial, physical and sexual abuse. I fled from my house in to my mothers. He came by the next day and asked to have the baby for the night and I agreed and that he would take her back the next morning. He went home and called the police and told them I was abusive and then called a solicitor and got a residency order. 

I called the police and social services and they said baby is fine and they have no concerns.

Social services were involved previously because I drank when I was pregnant, and was arrested for pulling my mums hair but got a caution, I’ve suffered from alcohol problems. I drank 3 times in the space of 2 years. Social service were aware my partner was being controlling, however I denied it.

On the day he took the baby I drank and tried to hurt myself. Ever since I’ve been discharged from mental health and I’ve been engaging with the addictions unit and women’s aid.

They are using my drinking against me, which is understandable and have advised I see my baby with supervised contact as my mother being the supervisor. I’m ok with that. However, they did not take into consideration my concerns for the babies safety. 

I explained to them in detail my partners abuse towards me, I sent them pictures of bruising he left on me. He has serious mental health issues, he has paranoid delusions, and when angered can can be very aggressive and unpredictable. He had not been diagnosed in this country with a mental health issue and I’m not sure if he was diagnosed in Sxxxx

He is from Mxxxx but has a Sxxx citizenship. Last year he missed a flight at Bxxxxx airport, he got angry and took all his clothes off, he was banned from Ryan air flights. He got on a flight that night and attacked an air hostess and attacked police who removed him from the plane and was arrested and charged. I sent social services a video of this incident.


He isolated me from friends and family and I was unable to attend AA meeting or engage with AA members. I have made a statements to the police about rape and the domestic abuse, this is currently being investigated.

I feel as though nobody is listening to me. He will not allow me to see the baby with my mother, only if social services supervise. Because our case has being moved from the gateway team to the community team, it will take a while before I even have a new social worker. I called them and they said they will not facilitate me seeing my daughter.

He is still abusing me using the baby. He told them I was drugging him to go have sex with men and they still don’t have any concerns about his mental health. He is currently living in my rented house, with all my furniture and clothes, I am not allowed to get my belongings.

I’ve just been told by police they have arranged for an interview with him regarding the rape for July 1st. This is terrifying because of his mental health and now he knows I’ve made allegations I’m so afraid for the baby that he might do something bad.

Have you please any advice for I don’t think social services have done this right, if they took anything I said on board the baby would not be with him currently, I’m so worried for her and I can’t do anything to protect her. And nobody will help me.

(edited by Suzie to ensure confidentiality)

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2684
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Social service are not taking on any of my concerns

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Jun 29, 2020 10:53 am

Dear PME61

Welcome to Family Rights Group’s parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie, FRG’s online adviser. I am very sorry to hear of the difficulties you are currently experiencing. I am also sorry not to have replied to you sooner.

It sounds as if you have suffered very serious domestic violence from your ex-partner. I am glad that you are working with Women’s Aid and I hope you have a key worker or IDVA there who can advocate on your behalf and support you in working with children’s services, the police and any other agencies involved.

I would hope that the domestic violence service could also help you to access specialist legal advice which I think is the most urgent action you need to take – about how to:

• best protect yourself from any further domestic violence (please also see this information about how to protect yourself through court),
• access family law advice (about seeing your child/asking the court to return her to your care or to make a specific issues order or a prohibitive steps order as required), and
• about your housing situation as you state that your ex-partner is living in your rented home and you are unable to obtain your possessions.

You state that your ex-partner got a residency order - the court no longer makes Residence Orders but iif he obtained a court order I think it would have been a (temporary) Child Arrangements Order ; you should have also been a party to the proceedings. It is essential that you access urgent private law advice about this from a solicitor or from a specialist women’s legal advice service such as Rights of Women or from Child Law Advice.

The police are currently investigating the rape allegations and are planning to interview him on the 1st July. I hope you have some support from a domestic or sexual Violence advocate to help you with this.

Your main concern is understandably for your daughter.

From what you say your ex-partner took the decision to retain care of your daughter and may have gone to court to secure this? In such a situation, children’s services did not place your daughter with her father and they would not have parental responsibility for her. However, of course they do have a role in assessing her needs and ensuring that she is safe and as such must take account of the issues that you have rightly raised with them as part of their assessment. This is what you think is not happening despite your best efforts. You have told children’s services your concerns about his abusive behaviour and violence towards you, your worries about his mental health (which may be undiagnosed in this country) and that he has committed other violent acts for which he was arrested. It seems that you are in the process of being transferred from one team to another which is leaving a gap in terms of you being able to speak to anyone.

You are now getting help from an addictions unit about your alcohol use and have now been discharged from mental health services following the incident where you self-harmed. Are you continuing to get help/support from your GP about your emotional needs? It is important that you continue to look after yourself too at this stressful time.

I think that there are a few things you can do:

1. Put in writing to children’s services a summary of all the concerns that you have previously raised about your partner and how you are worried this is impacting on his care of your child. Include any new information (such as your fear about how he will respond to the allegations you have made to police against him). Copy this information to the social worker and team manager from the first team and also the new team manager so that each is fully aware and request that they contact you by a given timescale to discuss your concerns and any future plans for your daughter. You can copy this into the Complaints Department or formally ask that this is treated as a complaint, if you wish.
2. Highlight your willingness to continue to work with children’s services and remind them of the work that you are currently doing to overcome your difficulties.
3. Let them know that your ex-partner is not allowing your mother to supervise contact – check if children’s services have formally assessed her as a suitable supervisor.
4. Ask your domestic violence worker to support you with the above.
5. Get advice from a family lawyer (with children law accreditation) urgently.
6. Discuss your situation with your MP or councillor, if you are feeling very unsupported and unheard at the moment.

I hope this helps.

If you would like to speak to an adviser about your situation please call the Freephone helpline on 0808 8010366 Mon to Fri 9.30 to 3.00 pm or post again if you have a new query.

With best wishes

Suzie

Post Reply