Advice Regarding Residency Order

[ObiBenn]

My wife's brother and his wife have a residency order with a 17yo girl. This is in place until she is 18..however, they are beginning a separation due to an affair which will lead to divorce. They have been separated for around 8 weeks and no chance of reconciliation.

We have recently found that the 17yo has been self harming and this has been ongoing since before the separation and has had suicidal thoughts. She has spoken to both her parents to no avail in the past and now she no longer wishes to live with them. She feels safer and more comfortable with us rather than either of them.

She has asked to live with us and her father is in agreement that it would be best for her mental health to do so but the mother is not fully in agreement as she states she did the same when she was younger so has better understanding.

Where do we/she stand?

We have found it hard to find any real guidance without getting solicitors involved which we would like to avoid due to the stress it would put on her.

Thanks in advance

[Robin D]

That's a tough one. So sad when relationship breakdowns adversely affect the children.

Several things spring to mind.
1. She is certainly old enough know her mind and wishes.
2. Although the Residence Order lasts until 18, realistically it's probably un-enforceable and at this point can probably 'in effect' be ignored. That is not legal advice, but a reflection of the reality of the situation. Mum would have to take the matter back to court if she came to live with you, and the chances of a successful application with a 17 year-old are I suspect zero, or very close too. All she would do is to put the 'child' (young adult) through additional trauma.
3. Is either parent her birth parent, or was she originally placed by social services? If the latter, they have a duty to help the girl possibly until she is 22. They certainly need to be advised of the current situation. as the child is potentially at risk.
4. Are you prepared to take her on? You would I suspect get very little support but plenty of teens of this age, move in with a friend when they fall out with parents. What happens when she then decides she doesn't want to be with you or follow your house rules? It would be far from a bed of roses.
5. Would Mum prefer she just did a runner and ended up who knows where or with whom. Although the police would deal with it as a missing person, if a 17 year-old votes with their feet in this way, short of looking for them to make sure they are safe, (Define safe!), then I do not believe they will make any attempt to restore them to their family if they persist in saying they don't want to be be there.
6. I think she need to speak to her GP or someone do it on her behalf. They can arrange counselling if needed.

The legal position, is, in my humble opinion, is the least of your problems. You need to deal with the reality of the situation in that you have a disturbed 17 year-old girl, who clearly feels rejected and possibly feels she is to blame for the break-up.

One of advisers here may be along soon with a better answer and suggestions, but no-one is going to condemn you for being there to help. If that means she stays with you for a while, that's what family are for. As mentioned above, if she does come to you, you may want to let SS know, and they may want to visit to check it's her will, not yours. Certainly nothing to worry about. They will not want another 17 year-old to house if you are able to provide accommodation and a degree of care/supervision. Their first call would be to see if any relative was able to take her on anyway.

Good luck whatever the outcome.

Robin

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

My wife's brother and his wife have a residency order with a 17yo girl. This is in place until she is 18..however, they are beginning a separation due to an affair which will lead to divorce. They have been separated for around 8 weeks and no chance of reconciliation.

We have recently found that the 17yo has been self harming and this has been ongoing since before the separation and has had suicidal thoughts. She has spoken to both her parents to no avail in the past and now she no longer wishes to live with them. She feels safer and more comfortable with us rather than either of them.

She has asked to live with us and her father is in agreement that it would be best for her mental health to do so but the mother is not fully in agreement as she states she did the same when she was younger so has better understanding.

Where do we/she stand?

We have found it hard to find any real guidance without getting solicitors involved which we would like to avoid due to the stress it would put on her.

Thanks in advance

Dear ObiBenn

I am sorry to read of the difficult situation your family is experiencing.

In the first instance, the 17 year old ‘is at liberty’ to decide where they will live. Here is information from ChildLine about their rights.

However, what seems more pressing for them is their mental well being. May I suggest that you ask them to visit their GP for support. Here too are some charities where they can find mental health support, Young Minds and The Mix.

You have said that the 17 year old’s father has given his consent for them to live with you. Your wife’s brother or his wife may give their consent too – though in the situation you describe, ‘one parent’s consent should suffice’ (though not needed) because the young person in question will likely be deemed ‘competent’ to make this decision for themselves.

I hope this response is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie