CAN I REFUSE SOCIAL SERVICES REQUEST

[xtina]

Hi

what we have been through is a long heartbreaking devastating year..[may i add we have S W from hell]

in short my two grandchildren [now 1 & 2 and a half] were first put in voluntary care then into care and were lined up for adoption

they are now with my older daughter in long term kin/fostering

they are now back with our family who are a large and very close family

the S W worker involved ...has now rang me to ask for as many photo's as i can provide of the children as a.. trainee is going to create a book of why they were took into care..... etc she said it is done for every child in care

i have already started doing this ...of photo's etc in a album....and little letters of things that happened at certain stages ....to tell them ...when they are old enough to understand ...or want answers to any question they ask...[also private notes from mum dad]...who does see them ..but at the moment once a month for 1 hour ..

i feel there is no need for what she has asked...they are with there family ...not with strangers or been adopted if that had been the case then i would have thought there would have been a need to know there roots ..but than god they are not





why pictures in a book have to be shown of people they see on a regular basis any way nan granddad ...[aunts/uncles/cousins]...i just cannot understand.



am i right in finding this very offencive...and a very private thing.

when my daughter takes the S G O ..they all walk away anyway ....and will leave her to it ....if you know what i mean ...[they wont be involved in anything]

I feel it is is invading grandchildren's privacy

i told her i would get back to her ...and will be doing this today ..to refuse ...



could anyone give me there thoughts on this asap...............[hope the above makes sense]

[xtina]

hi ied53

i have also read some horror stories about these books

i was also told by a friend who works in child care,,,it is very odd for them to do this when they are with family......this is what worries me

[Celle]

I understand that it is important to have a record of why a child was placed into care, for future reference, but I also understand the poster's reluctance to release private family photographs.

I think there is a need for some clarification here: Is this record book to be given to the child, kept as a SW record, or being done as part of the experience the trainee needs to acquire?

I see no need for baby photographs, only for one photograph to identify the child.
Surely SW would already have any photographs showing evidence of physical abuse, for example? They should have formed part of a report.

Before my daughter and son-in-law were appointed as Special Guardians to their daughter, they were asked by SW to make a little book, with photographs, welcoming F. to their family. They did this and F. has it now. The foster parents also made a book and a CD (with photos) of the time that F. spent with them. This was also given to F.
SW said that they would also prepare a book to be given to F - but they didn't.

Until it is made clear that the child's right to privacy will be respected and and the purpose and destination of this book is established, I would be very reluctant to release any family photographs.

[Celle]

I agree that it's important for the child to know where she/he comes from and learn who her/his parents and family are but, in this case, the grandmother and family are already doing a book. The child is placed with family and will know who they are, sees the birth mother, will be told further details when the time is right. Photos can be shown by the family.

I don't like to disagree with you, Irene, because you have been helpful to me, but in this situation I would trust the family, rather than a trainee SW. I do agree that it's important for the child to know its life history.

It may be the duty of SW to do such a book but, given our family's experience, I would not trust that book to be completely accurate, if it even eventuated. The CS that placed our granddaughter under an SGO with my daughter and her family were dilatory and inefficient, did not pass on details from one SW another, broke promises, did not complete tasks on time where a deadline had been set, and on more than one occasion got important details wrong. They failed to complete the promised book.

My advice to the grandmother would be this:
A. Only supply a few, selected photographs.
B. Get a written confirmation that all the photos supplied will be returned in good condition by a certain date.
C. Get a written confirmation that the book itself will be completed by a certain date.
D. Ask to see the book before it is presented to the child and insist that any inaccuracies are corrected.

.

[Celle]

Thanks, Irene. A wise response, as usual.

I agree that the birth father's family should also be involved, if possible, or at least mentioned.

In our case, he is not mentioned, because it was felt not to be in the child's best interests. The birth father .(BF) was in a short-term relationship with the BM. He has been in prison more than once.
While BM was sure he was the father, she did not name him on F's birth certificate. His paternity was proved (as much as possible) by DNA tests.
He has never seen his daughter, has provided no support for BM or F, and has refused to be given any information about F. He was offered a once-yearly update on F's progress, but said he wanted nothing to do with her. He has totally rejected her.

Our daughter has asked CS for the BF's name, so that F can be told that, if she should want to research her birth parentage when she is older but, so far, CS have not supplied that information.

Sorry to hi-jack the thread!

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Xtina

It is clear you have already received a lot of useful advice from Ied53 and other users of this Forum. Life Story Work is a crucial part of any child’s journey in that it can help them to make sense of their cultural heritage and identity both now and in the future. Therefore, it is definitely advisable to fully participate in this process in any way you can.

Best Wishes

Suzie

[xtina]

thank you so much for your time....... replies... and advice...the last thing i want to do is seem i am asking for advice ...but ignoring it or wasting your time



although i can appreciate what is being said ....i still have worries ....

this SW built the whole case on... probabilities .....unsubstantiated anonymous phone calls....always went worst case scenario ...gaining there confidence promising them things ....then using it against them....never once did she give any praise ....just criticism...after criticism ...most of what started it was thrown out in court as not proven

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH I AM NOT SAYING THE PARENTS HAVE NO BLAME IN THIS BECAUSE THEY HAVE ....its just they never got the help they should have had ...like from the previous SW...if she had not left ...i honestly don't think we would be here today




my g c spent four months in care .at five different placements...now as far as i am aware S W has no photo's at all.... [one of the placements was with foster/adoptive parents...they were removed immediatley from them when my D...stepped in to foster them I was told constantly by SW there ages made them adoptable....at the time 5 months 28 months...my GD was attacked by another child three times bitten scratched briused .....was told she was doing it herself ....till a bite mark was on her cheek.....i contacted police and she was immedietly removed ...a comlaint was put in about this ...of which we have never heard another thing ...

the children have never ever been harmed in fact ...my older G/C as described by the health worker has a very strong bond with parents...the H W left the case as she was too imootionaly involved with what was happening

it is a trainee who would be doing this book ...who knows non of us .....my daughter and partner at the moment has a supervised visit once a month for one hour.....and the SW took this trainee into the visit asking to take photographs of my G C ..[i hadn't mentioned the book to my D]...she was upset about it and refused ...plus the fact my G D gets distressed when she sees SW ....daughters partner was told by S W they were not helping themselves ...to get more contact with children ....

i think i am going on a bit to much ....i am not trying to be disruptive ...to SW its just i feel she is trying to take away the last personal thing i can do for GC ...as a Nana...to show my G C how much they are loved wanted ...are part of our lives ...and are no different to our other G C they are loved and a normal part of our family...........and not the probabilities of what could have happened if S S hadn't stepped in

SW.......has wrecked all our lives ...............most of all our...Granchildren

sorry to go on .but i am still so devastated ...what has happend ...........or could have happened ...thank god they are back home....

[xtina]

Life story work is for the child not for the record books it is made into a book and given to the child. We are always free to decline but it is part of the sw responsibility to complete the book.
Where did I come from, Who is my family, Why did I come to be here. It needs to be basic information. Not a full album . It is not a record of the abuse. It is a basic who am I. Including both sides of the family .

the thing is though ...it is not basic ....she wanted photo's from birth .[for both of them]..and even asking the hospital for their birth armbands..... parents diary ....[they have been doing one since ...they were put in care]...what she wanted back ...but it was our book asking about children ...and how they were doing ...that is how we knew about how often they had been moved ...five different placements...they have no one on fathers side


sorry posted this first but forgot to pressed preview instead od send

[Celle]

I agree with Irene (ied53).

Let SW know that you are doing a book that you intend to give to the grandchildren, and have been doing so for a long time. Supply SW with a minimum number of photos - they do not need personal souvenirs or heaps of photos - and request a deadline date for their return. Say that you will co-operate in the making of SW's book and that you would appreciate their co-operation in making your book. (But don't hold your breath; it probably won't happen.) I still have a feeling that the making of the book is at least partly to give the trainee SW the experience, rather than to benefit the children.

Be careful when making your book that you don't include anything that suggests attributing blame to anyone, because this book is intended to give the children a positive sense of belonging and love. It's a good idea, though, to keep your own, personal diary of events as a record, just in case it is ever needed. It will be a private record that you don't show to either SW or the children.

I know that my daughter has kept a written record of every contact she and her husband have had with SW, - both in the county where F was put into foster care and later placed with them under an SGO, and in the county that dealt with their application to adopt F.
The second county acted as the adoption agency and treated the application to adopt as if it was an entirely new process. That's why my daughter and s-i-l had to repeat all of the steps taken for an SGO, including references and police reports. She has also saved and printed every email and other written communication and she has a copy of the BM's birth certificate..She has asked to be told the birth father's name, as F may want to know, later.

As a fond grandmother, I have just completed a photo book for F, which I will keep for now, but show to her later, once my daughter has approved the contents. I have included a few photos of F as a very young baby - she was in the care of her birth mother for 5 months - and some photos of her foster parents, with whom she lived happily for 10 months. The foster parents did a good job and it is obvious that F was much loved while in their care.
There are some photos of her BM, and of her half brother and half sister, and of F's first meeting with her new parents.
F does not yet know that she has a half-brother, because his paternal grandparents have an SGO for him and they have avoided contact with his BM's family. So, I'll wait until F is older and has been given more information before she sees the book I've made.

Since the SGO, F has been re-introduced to her birth grandparents and her half sister, and has seen them several times in the past year. She has met her foster parents again. I have included a few photos of these people in the book, as well.
Although F is now adopted, contact with her birth family will be maintained. F knows that Z is her older "sister", who lives (under an SGO) with their birth grandparents and both girls seem to accept that. The law may have changed F's legal relationship to her birth family, but she will still know that they are also family.

I have ended the book with a copy of the souvenir adoption certificate.