Smacking and emotional abuse

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Joined: Sun Jan 13, 2013 5:36 am

Smacking and emotional abuse

Post by regan123pippa » Thu Jan 17, 2013 9:22 pm

I have my granddaughter living with me under a Residence Order, she is almost 6 now and I have had her since she was 5 months old. Mother had another child 10 months ago to strengthen her case to have residence changed back to her. Over the years there has been lots of in and out of Court. On average every 6-8 weeks, this has been incredibly stressful.
Recently, SS have written a report that is in support Residence of my GD being given to her mother. Contact as increased and this has been peppered with incidents that are very worrying. My GD behavior has gone from a loving funny trouble free little girl to an angry aggressive and emotional one.

My GD has said she is scared of her mother. There have been lots of reasons for this but they are not treated seriously by SS. Today my GD was visited by the SW at school after I had informed her yet again that my GD has said her mother is smacking her during contact. My GD has confirmed this to her and also today to the police.

As far as I can tell the SW has no intention of stopping contact, instead merely to give mother a warning.

My GD told of her mother touching her inappropriately before Christmas among other things, this was treated as if I had put my GD up to saying it.
This is incredibly complex, but I feel the SW is not being objective or working in the best interest of my GD. All she seems interested in doing is getting my GD off the books.

I could list a whole load of negligence and non professional conduct in regard to the SW from not knowing how a Residence Order works to not providing me with minutes of TAC meetings and then denying what has been said in the TAC meetings, with loads in between that is seriously worrying.

How can a SW advise a court to return Residence to the mother within 3 months when she has been with me then 6 years, (all of her conscious life!) How on earth would my GD be expected to cope with this??? Not least what my GD is suffering at he hands of her mother?

This is so complex I barely know where to start, however, I hope this is enough information for starters to try to get some advice.

Thank you

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:25 am

Re: Smacking and emotional abuse

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Jan 18, 2013 2:15 pm

Hi regan123pippa

Welcome to the discussion board.

Sorry that you are finding the current involvement from Children's Services particularly stressful, since you have concerns that the Local Authority is recommending that your six year old grandchild is removed from a stable, long term home environment, (under a Residence Order) back to a carer who would struggle to prioritise her needs, and keep her safe from harm.

You are right to raise these concerns and the ongoing police investigation is further evidence to suggest that by the social worker pursuing this plan, she could be put at more risk. If after further thought, you continue to be worried that this care plan for her to return to her mother, would not be in her best interets, can I suggest you do three things:-

1. Keep a detailed log of the dates of your concerns, things your grandchild has said to you directly about how she is being harmed in her mother's care, who you reported these to, and the outcome. Please encourage her to talk to you if she wishes to, but do not do anything that could give the impression of asking her leading questions, about what may have happened to her.

2. Secondly, may I suggest you consider seeking legal advice via, in the event the matter is taken back to court, so you (and your solicitor) can be fully prepared to argue a case, that would provide as much information as possible, as to why it would not be in your grandaughter's best interests, to be removed from your care.

3. Thirdly, ensure you keep a copy of any police, school, GP, educational psychologist, Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (if any of these agencies are involved) so their reports can clearly demonstrate how her behaviour has deteriorated, and if necessary evidence how well your grandchild is doing in the placement with you.

Good Luck


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Joined: Sun Jan 13, 2013 5:36 am

Re: Smacking and emotional abuse

Post by regan123pippa » Mon Jan 21, 2013 2:21 pm

Hello Suzie and thank you for your advice,

I have requested my GD be referred for CAMHS. I told the SW even if she does not hold with the idea that my GD is being abused there is not smoke without fire, why would she being saying such things then? It was not previously offered, although the SW is now taking credit saying she will be referring my GD as if it was even a consideration by her previously. It most certainly was not, I have been treated like I am making up everything I have reported. Mainly because previously my GD would not speak to anyone other than me and due to her mother getting her to keep secrets or change stories if she did say. The SW has said I am at risk of causing emotional harm if I tell my GD to make things up like it!!! I told her if you really think I am so sick as to do something so disgusting why would you leave her with me??

Of course now my GD daughter has bravely spoken out at school, to the SW and to the police, however, the SW still plays the matter down and in fact suggested when my GD says she on one incident hit across her back by her mother that what probably really happened was she was given a 'little tap'.

On another occasion my GD told her speech therapists she is being mad to keep secrets by her mother among other things. The speech therapist wrote to the SW telling her this. The SW then told mother and she consequently spoke to my GD who then changed her story.

This has happened a number of times. The letter was not even mentioned in the report for the court but then neither was anything else I had reported.

I have had to fight to be listened to. Recently I rung the SW team leader and told her the relationship between the SW and mother goes beyond professional. I feel persecuted by the SW and feel her judgement and vision are being coloured and feel she is not being objective. She is not putting the needs and welfare of my GD first.

Add to this the SW telling the school I have no PR rights and then arguing this again with me at the hospital in front of my GD. The SW had rung mother telling her we were at the hospital and why and told her she would need to give her permission for my GD to be examined. I told the SW team leader this who backed the SW and told me I have absolutely no rights at all and I was getting above myself, she continued the Residence Order is only there to say where my GD lives.

I knew this was not the case and after a few days not knowing what to do, then rung someone higher up.. later that day I got a call and an apology being told they had got it wrong. That was also the same day my GD spoke out and we ended up at the hospital again!!!

This is a complete mess and I despair for my GD.

Has anyone else gone through this. I can't sleep for worrying!

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Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2012 9:33 pm

Re: Smacking and emotional abuse

Post by apple » Fri Feb 01, 2013 10:47 pm

If you need to inform SC about anything that you're worried about, email them and request a delivery and a read receipt, you can still phone, but if you email you have evidence....I have learnt from bitter experience that 'some' SW will twist everything and blame others instead of taking responsibility when they mess up!

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