What to do?

[yogibear]

One of the conditions of contact for my daughter was she isn't allowed to take my g/s any where near the violent b/f. He came home from contact very quiet last night, when I took him to bed.... it all came tumbling out, she had taken him to see b/f, and made him promise not to tell us, but he was so worried, and we have always told him we don't have serious secrets in our house.. She's supposed to have contact tomorrow, but Social Services are closed till Tuesday, so what do I do? she doesn't know we know yet.

Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.

[yogibear]

That was basically what we had decided .... thank you, it's just nice to hear from others, so worried all the time, about putting a foot wrong, not with her.... but all the professionals that seem to be involved in our lives now.

Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.

[youngagain]

Jumping in a bit late here but here is what I think. I would not allow any contact until the situation is sorted out regarding supervision.The child is going to be and appears to be getting pulled ever where and being confused with loyalties towards his parent.We have a sgo and excersized our rights stopping contact.The father took us to court and it has taken two years for the guardian finally to tell him and write a report stating that he is a risk to the child. So hold your ground. I doubt that ss will be much help, they can blow hot and cold over this issue saying to us on one hand that we have the right and responsibility to protect the child and on the other a responsibility to accommodate supervised contact.As always the ss will probably write something in the file that is unhelpful unless you have a social worker who is a good one.I would draught an agreement setting out contact conditions and not allow contact until the agreement was signed. that way is the agreement is broken you have good cause to stop or suspend contact.I have not read the full post but if the parent has a contact order, this only allows contact should there be no risk to the child and your rights to stop contact in the knowledge of risk override the contact order in our experience although in court it was thrown at us as a way to scare us by the parents barrister amongst other things.A brief reply of "we were exercising our rights to protect the child by virtue of the powers vested in us under our parental rights" sufficed. I hope you do resolve the supervision issu
e. You could ask your solicitor to apply for a prohibitive steps order to stop any risk.Hope I have the correct angle on it best of luck.

[Robin D]

Somewhat belatedly, can I second Irene's advice to call the duty social worker. They will not know the case, but will log the call. They will also not tell you you must continue contact, indeed are more likely to say call it off until the normal social worker is available. The benefits of getting your call logged are many:
It shows you attempted to get some advice. It demonstrates that you are not afraid to 'protect' the child.It will possibly provide you with a 'get out' line when telling Mum contact is off. You can say that you have sought the advice of SS.

Good luck.

Robin

Grandparent carer in Suffolk [:)]

[yogibear]

Thank you all. have been keeping a detailed log of every thing for some time( read it on another page) Phoned Eds to-day and, though she was very non committal, she will at least inform the area office, hopefully.
Though I intend going in myself tomorrow am. I've managed to stall contact till Wed, quite easily, without telling a lie. So by then I should have some clear guidance from S/Services or Solicitor. Fingers crossed. x

Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.

[Kate]

Yogibear, coming in late but I agree with all that's been said. Good luck and I hope you've been able to get guidance from SS and/or your solicitor by now?

[yogibear]

Sorry for the delay in the update... but what a start to the new year. ( Happy new year every one) Went into S/S first thing Mon, and although our case is closed to them, as he is with us, the S/W who has been dealing with us, came out to see us, spoke to my G/s who told her everything, she asked if there was any way we would agree to supervising the contact at our house, till the court case on the 31st, had to say yes, though it is incredibly difficult. Daughter not at all happy, but hay ho!! She has instructed a Solicitor and now intends to fight the r/o. meantime, she has yet again split with b/f and slapped an injuction on him and a molestation order? and made a statement about the domestic violence, he has counter claimed she has been drugging him with her bi polar medication? ( well someone had to be taking it!! lol)
She went into S/s To-day thinking they were going to tell us to hand the lad over as she said sorry and made a mistake, the s/w told her they would be continuing to support us in the application and nothing had changed. So fully expecting her to be back with the b'f shortly.
On a more positive note, he started his new school on Wed, he was very nervous, but really likes it. phew.
Oh and she has pleaded not guilty to her drink driving charge? I really think her mental health is going rapidly down hill with the help of certain substances, so I'm glad contact is only allowed here , and she can't take him in the car, as she is allowed to drive till her court case.

Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.

[yogibear]

As we are going to court again next Mon, can any one help? Contact has not gone well.... with either Mum or Dad not turning up or turning up late, all logged and text messages saved. What sort of contact will they be allowed? If we get the ro, as at the moment she is now saying she is going to fight it? We have wasted the last 2 weekends waiting in for his mum on a Sat and his Dad on a Sunday....... What sort of contact is reasonable? As these two seem to treat us as babysitters and they can visit as an when they choose...

Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.

[Kate]

Hi yogibear, sorry mum and dad have both proved so unreliable over contact but good that you have it all logged. I think there will be others here with a better idea of what contact would be reasonable given this, but it doesn't sound to me as if anything like eg a weekly or even fortnightly contact would be reasonable if they're just going to mess your g/s and you around like this.

What would you consider a reasonable/appropriate amount of contact yourself?

[yogibear]

Oh Kate how do I answer that? before reading lots on here, I would probably have said never!!But I now have a better understanding and realise he should have contact with both of them. Last night was awful, she was very confrontational, ( I'm quite frightened of her, so my husband has to be here also) How ever hard we tried to keep things calm, she shouts, and although the lad was in his room he must have heard some of it,( I know he did as we have had a little chat about it') At one point I had my phone in hand to call Police, My husband has the patience of a saint!!And even he has said enough now... She wont accept any of this is her fault and tells any one who will listen..I'm trying to steal her son..So I hope contact can be away from us.... then I hope it wont as she can't feed him lies if we're there?

Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.