Special Guardians How to explain to your child?

[jillybee]

Hi All, It's early days as our child is only 3 and has been with us since she was 1 but we have had questions about 'did she come out of my tummy?'.
My husband and I are Mammy and Daddy but she's our neice. with a special guardianship

I told her truthfully she came out of Mammy Ts tummy but we all cuddled her and loved her when she came out.
That has satisfied her curiosity for now but I'd like to know how you explained things or if there's a helpful website or book with ideas so we can be somewhat ready.
I'd like her to know the truth albeit gently and lovingly and only when she's ready.
I've already gained lots of help through this site with others going through the same challenges.
Thankyou,

[jillybee]

Thankyou for your reply, yes being honest with her is best I want her to know she can trust us whollly, just how to phrase things can be so important. I like how you said about the man in the big chair.

[David Roth]

Hi jillybee

I agree with Irene that it is best to be honest with children about their background. Other people in the family and among your friends will know something of the background story, and there is always the danger that other children will blurt out something that then needs to be explained. It is better for them to grow up knowing the truth than to find out the wrong way.

Of course, they should be told in a way that is tailored to their age and ability to understand this sort of information. Social workers sometimes help people who are raising a child who is not their own to make a Life Story Book. This is a book that is made specially for the child - you can use a photo album or something similar - that has photos of the child with their birth parents and other people, and explains the story of how the child came to be with the people who are bringing him/her up. It also usually includes some anecdotes about the child's early years - where they were born, how much they weighed, when they took their first steps, what their first words were, what a lovely smile they had, etc. When children grow up with parents, they are with people who know all these things, but children who have to go away from their parents can lose a lot of their background story.

BAAF (the British Agency for Adoption and Fostering) has produced some good books that can help with talking to children:
- Kinship Care - What it is and what it means - A guide for children is aimed at helping talk to younger children, about primary school age, about why they are being brought up in family and friends care
- Special guardianship - what it is and what it means - A guide for children and young people is aimed at older children and young people, about secondary school age
- Life Story Work explains about making a life story book.

BAAF published a variety of books that are aimed at both professionals/practitioners and carers. You should be able to find them all via the bookshop pages of the BAAF website: http://www.baaf.org.uk/bookshop