my ongoing struggle

gillianpalmer
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 1:53 pm

my ongoing struggle

Postby gillianpalmer » Tue Mar 08, 2011 6:24 pm

i really need some guidance with so many issues concerning my daughter Michelle,Michelle is 43 yrs old,she is an alcoholic,and has recently been working on a substance misuse programme with CDAT, michelle has 2 children Gemma 19,whom i brought up most of her life,& James who is 13 yrs old ,I am a 62 yr old disabled pensioner & i am still struggling to help with james who is with me at the present time,while his mum does her "dissapearing act" & leaves me to pick up the emotional & financial mess she leaves behind her, james is on the child protection list,& i have always been afraid to fully trust the authorities because of my fear of james being taken into care,so i have "ducked & dived" hidden & covered up michelles actions as best as i can,in order to give james the love & support he so desperatley needs,the problem is that my own finances have suffered & this has been the major problem in helping james each time this happens ( usually every 2 months),I now find myselfe slipping in to a situation where my health is detiorating (not eating ,so i can feed james)osteoathritas has painfully got worse as i cannot afford the extra money for heating costs,even though i have had a few winter cold weather payments,i get pension credit gaurantee, dla high rate both components ,but keeping james with clothing etc,i cannot use it on myselfe,i live in a 2bed council property,i have no other family,i keep all these problems hidden because of my "fears ",i have not been sensible,i know this, but i have only acted this way due to the deep love for my grandchildren & the protection i believe they have needed all their lives,Please help me break this which is over taking my health & my sanity,i only want to continue to love & protect my grandchildren,am i wrong??yours most sincerely,Mrs,G,IPalmer

fatcat
Posts: 183
Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2007 12:41 pm

Re: my ongoing struggle

Postby fatcat » Tue Mar 08, 2011 6:48 pm

hi gillian, and welcome.
could i suggest that you consider using a name that won't identify you, as this forum is read by anybody that might wish to take an interest, including social workers.

ifrom what you have said, i think it might be time for you to seek and accept help from social services, because if you go under, james will have no one looking out for him. they might be able to help to to formalise your current arrangement, and although unlikely to pay you themselves, they may be able to help you to secure benefits to meet the cost of looking after james.
i know you don't want him to enter care, and there should be no reason for him to if you are able to look after him.
please seek support.

divadi2000
Posts: 55
Joined: Sat Jan 29, 2011 8:28 pm

Re: my ongoing struggle

Postby divadi2000 » Tue Mar 08, 2011 7:55 pm

I agree with fatcat you must seek help although alot of us dont fully trust s/s they would rather he remain within the family unit than place him in care you should be getting the c/b if he is living with you try the citizens advice for some guidance also as fatcat says dont post your name on here choose a screen name for yourself good luck but you need to get some outside help as your as grandson needs strong and not ill x
quote:
Originally posted by gillianpalmer

i really need some guidance with so many issues concerning my daughter Michelle,Michelle is 43 yrs old,she is an alcoholic,and has recently been working on a substance misuse programme with CDAT, michelle has 2 children Gemma 19,whom i brought up most of her life,& James who is 13 yrs old ,I am a 62 yr old disabled pensioner & i am still struggling to help with james who is with me at the present time,while his mum does her "dissapearing act" & leaves me to pick up the emotional & financial mess she leaves behind her, james is on the child protection list,& i have always been afraid to fully trust the authorities because of my fear of james being taken into care,so i have "ducked & dived" hidden & covered up michelles actions as best as i can,in order to give james the love & support he so desperatley needs,the problem is that my own finances have suffered & this has been the major problem in helping james each time this happens ( usually every 2 months),I now find myselfe slipping in to a situation where my health is detiorating (not eating ,so i can feed james)osteoathritas has painfully got worse as i cannot afford the extra money for heating costs,even though i have had a few winter cold weather payments,i get pension credit gaurantee, dla high rate both components ,but keeping james with clothing etc,i cannot use it on myselfe,i live in a 2bed council property,i have no other family,i keep all these problems hidden because of my "fears ",i have not been sensible,i know this, but i have only acted this way due to the deep love for my grandchildren & the protection i believe they have needed all their lives,Please help me break this which is over taking my health & my sanity,i only want to continue to love & protect my grandchildren,am i wrong??yours most sincerely,Mrs,G,IPalmer


User avatar
ied53
Posts: 2100
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 11:26 pm

Re: my ongoing struggle

Postby ied53 » Tue Mar 08, 2011 8:49 pm

The others are right on all sides. You must get help and support for yourself and grandson. It is time your daughter was left to sort herself out. You cannot go on like this and the child shouldn't have to. While you cover for her both of you are not getting the help you should.

Irene
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Irene
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Tough times never last tough people do

Cellbar
Posts: 185
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2007 7:48 pm

Re: my ongoing struggle

Postby Cellbar » Wed Mar 09, 2011 9:23 am

Just as a matter of interest - have you tried your local CAB? You should by rights also be able to claim Guardians Allowance and the Child Benefit for your grandchild - if you are on PC you may also qualify for extra Tax Credits in respct of a school age child - CAB should be able to advise you.

You must look after yourself for your sake and the child as the others have said - you are not alone and there is help available to you, you must be strong and seek support, its not a weakness, its sign of good sense. [:D]

Keep us posted.

_________________________________
We are the only ones who make life difficult...
_________________________________
Grandparent Carer with SGO

old bear
Posts: 356
Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 3:21 pm

Re: my ongoing struggle

Postby old bear » Mon Mar 14, 2011 2:24 pm

hi gp (i hope you're going to change the names on your entry ~ or perhaps you have?) (and if not, you can come back again with a different name)

first, i'd like to offer you a little sympathy ~ i can't believe the stress you must have been under all this time, trying to make things right with no help from anyone and trying to do it all on your own. my hat is off to you.

but i think it's time for you to take a little break now, give yourself a moment to realise that there might be some help out there for you.

my suggestion would be that you try ringing the frg advice line - 0808 801 0366, open 10.00 to 3.30 monday to friday. it can be busy, so keep trying.
but the thing is you can completely trust them, and they can help you to work out what to do and what to say so you don't have to worry about "making things worse" by asking the wrong people for help. eg social services can be very helpful, but it can be frightening to go to them when you don't know how they'll react to what's been happening over these years.

i wish you well with this, and hope things get a little easier soon. and do please come back and let us know how things are going ~ this site is very good at support and advice and can be the one place where you can safely pour your heart out when you need to.

all my best wishes, old bear





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