new member needing advice

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Joined: Mon Feb 14, 2011 9:22 am

new member needing advice

Post by jaydee » Mon Feb 14, 2011 10:01 am

Hi everybody, I wish I had found this site a while ago when my situation was so difficult as after reading some of your stories and situations I cannot believe how many of you have gone through similar issues to me.

I currently hold an R.O for my 6 yr old Grandson who came to me when he was 4 an a hlf firstly as a looked after child then ss pushed for an R.O or threatened foster placement for him which obviously I wouldnt stand for so went ahead with R.O. Like alot of you this caused untold issues with his mother ( my daughter ) who is an alcoholic and had a very on/off relationship with his father.

However these issues did improve and for the past 8 months she has been sober with the father and they have done alot to improve their lives. Contact with Grandson was gradual and now we are at the stage where he sees them at weekends with 1 over night every other wknd. BUT just as things have been settling down and been consistent my daughter has come to me to tell me that they are expecting their 2nd child! Now obviously in normal circumstances any grandmother would be thrilled to learn another grandchild was on the way and I know there have been alot of positive changes but I just wish they could of waited a while longer before contemplating another child. My daughter has emphasised she understands why I am feeling like this because of the past but its not just that I have alot of questions and I wondered if any of you would be able to help. The biggest question I have is where do ss come in? Will they need to or have to be involved where a couple have had 1 child removed? Will they take my daughters positive life changes into account? I am deeply worried they may say her 8 months recovery and abstinence is not enough? I am also worried the impact a new baby will have on my grandson and what will be best 4 him in terms of where he lives because the last thing I want is for him to see his parents bringing up a new brother or sister successfully and then he feels they dont love him as much. And of course the biggest issue is what if they have the baby and she returns to alcohol and the same problems arise again??? Ive spoken to both parents at length about this and I know in my heart that neither wish for that to happen as they both can be good parents but these issues have overidden that to such an extent in the past and I am no fool I know addiction is a life long battle and she knows that too - it really is very hard of course all i want to see is the two of them raising their children but the reality has been very different. How would any one else handle this I want to be supportive but my first priority is my grandson I have to protect him and I will be honest my dealings with ss have not always been positive they scare the hell out of me!! Because they seem to play games and say one thing and then do something completely different. Once we had the R.O they dissapeared altogether and I have to say I found this a good thing but the thought of them coming back again fills me with horror and I just want to know what we should expect and what we can do to handle this in the best way. Thankfully at least Im not in the situation now where Im on bad terms with the parents we do work together now and its alot better but as I said the no1 priority is my Grandson - Any advice would be welcome thanks.

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Joined: Mon Apr 20, 2009 10:02 am

Re: new member needing advice

Post by Muspark » Mon Feb 14, 2011 11:57 am

How worrying this must be for you... I remember the SW saying to me that each new child should be looked at individually. So if they see the changes that have been made they may well just watch closely and monitor the situation. Eight months sober is not that much but they are doing well and hopefully they can prove to the SS and more importantly to you that they can do this.

If things do go wrong then you will have to make some tough choices but lets look on the positives, you have a good relationship with the parents and can keep a close eye on things. Good Luck x

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