In court Monday and scared!

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ied53
Posts: 2103
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 11:26 pm

Re: In court Monday and scared!

Postby ied53 » Wed Dec 22, 2010 8:59 am

I don't doubt she loves her but the granddaughters emotional needs must come first. My son loves his daughter he can't afford to come but he can by cigarettes. In the case of your daughter make it too easy fro her and she will think she has to make less effort. You need to stay firm to give your daughter the support she needs. Allow too much too soon and the social services may start to question whether you can keep the child safe. Seeing a parent out of control is emotional abuse. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to see My son spend more time with his daughter but he has to prove to me that it is genuine and not for show. Like you standing up for this has caused me great pain but seeing the children blossom in confidence has been worth all of it. Only you can make the decision this is how I feel only you know how your daughter is and the fact she has good support at home makes all the difference. I know to my cost that I gave in too soon and my son thought he didn't really have to try anymore cos he had convinced me. I ended up pulling the child out of contact and a very public scene and a two year set back for one of my granddaughters

Irene
Irene
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Tough times never last tough people do

nanaJ
Posts: 117
Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:11 pm

Re: In court Monday and scared!

Postby nanaJ » Wed Dec 22, 2010 9:49 am

You have to listen to your own children and consider your grandchild this Christmas. You simply cannot give in. I speak from experience and two years ago my daughter was left alone, in a house with no electricity because she had no money for the meter. I had bailed her out again and again and she repaid me by character assassinating me in court, letting the children and her loving sister down and abandoning her baby to go out drinking. You have to reach rock bottom before you can start to climb back to any form of normality.
You are not hurting your daughter, you are doing the right thing by all of your family.

This year my daughter is spending three nights with us over Christmas. I will be firm, she will help look after her children, help around the house and not sit on facebook which I loathe as it keeps you in contact with the dreadful people who drag you down and try to creep back into your life. Otherwise there is always the car to take her home.

Stay firm, turn off that phone.I wish you peace.



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Help 1870
Posts: 914
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 9:54 am

Re: In court Monday and scared!

Postby Help 1870 » Wed Dec 22, 2010 11:36 am

quote:
Originally posted by rosielj

believe me I know she's not perfect! She is a manipulator, who uses emotional blackmail to the extreme, but the thing is she does love her Daughter, if it came to it she would lay down her life and die for her,
rosie



Sometimes love is just not enough.

Emotions complicate things, they blur the harm and damage thats being done, they put us in a position where we feel obligated to fall back on the "s/he does love the child" and excuse any abuse or neglect rather than focus on the real needs and welfare of the child.

I frequently ask carers I work with, "If this was YOUR child, would you allow anyone to treat them in this way?". Every single carer has replied No. The next question is, "then why do you allow the parent to do this?"

Like I said, sometimes love is just not enough.

yogibear
Posts: 67
Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2009 6:23 pm

Re: In court Monday and scared!

Postby yogibear » Wed Dec 22, 2010 9:04 pm

quote:
Originally posted by rosielj

Thanks for your replies everyone.
Irene, believe me I know she's not perfect! She is a manipulator, who uses emotional blackmail to the extreme, but the thing is she does love her Daughter, if it came to it she would lay down her life and die for her, but she doesn't have a clue how to look after her, how she should be talking to her, how to fulfill her basic needs etc etc but I know in her own misguided way she loves her and that's what I am finding hard about all this. She is apparently seeing the mental health team soon, and if she is honest with them maybe she will get somewhere, who knows?It's almost like she's trapped as a child herself in her own head, nine years of drug abuse has not helped either and she seems to have now totally lost touch with reality.
I know I am doing the right thing, and I see that everyday when I look at my G.D being the nine year old she deserves to be instead of some sort of carer. I will always put the Children first as they don't have choices.
It is remarkable how similar some of our situations on here are, and as I have said before a great comfort to know I am not alone, thanks everyone.


rosie



That could have been written about my daughter? they sound incredibly alike.

Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.
Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.


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