In court Monday and scared!

rosielj
Posts: 10
Joined: Tue Nov 30, 2010 8:00 am

In court Monday and scared!

Postby rosielj » Fri Dec 17, 2010 7:36 am

Hi just an update since last post really and also a way of writing down my fear and frustrations as I have nobody else to talk to.
My Daughter's benefits ended and after 8 weeks of hardly any contact with my G.D she suddenly started to phone her and to cut a long story short informed me she was coming last Friday to get her as she had only just realized that I had no legal rights to keep her here (a total lie as she had been informed of this many times by S.W)
S.S asked what I was going to do about it and informed me I could apply for an emergency residence order, the S.W was really off with me on the phone when I said I didn't think I could do that as what relationship I had left with my Daughter would end if I did that. There followed a phone call from the school telling me my G.D was upset and had told the teacher she didn't want to go home. I went for an emergency residence order last Friday and the judge granted it and I am back in court on Monday where arrangements are to be made for contact especially as my G.D little Sister is still at home, also to extend the order possibly following brief report requested by judge from S.S in my Daughter's area.
What a nightmare all this is, I feel guilty for so many reasons, guilty that I have my G.D here, that I have obviously hurt my Daughter by applying for a residency order, terrified of facing my Daughter in court on Monday,guilty for splitting the Sisters up, confused by S.W Who when I told her I had decided on the residency order was over the moon and told me I had done the right thing, but in the few lines she wrote for the emergency hearing quoted that because my G.D was on the at risk register S.S would be able to manage the situation if she returned home, total mixed messages, she was the one pleading with me to get it!
Nobody will tell me anything about my Daughter, I have asked if they (S.S) feel she is now aware of why my G.D wanted to be here and if she realizes that she could not continue with her chaotic, drug induced lifestyle and I never get an answer. All i get this end is text after text from my Daughter filled with abuse about how I have stolen my G.D and how she has done nothing wrong, and how she wants my G.D's money as soon as I get any for her.
The day I went to get my G.D I did it to try to shock my Daughter into seeing that she could not carry on treating her the way she does, I thought it would give her the wake up call she needed, I had tried everything else possible in the last nine years to get her back on track and failed.
I tried to go Xmas shopping yesterday and I kept fighting back tears with all the "Merry Xmas, we are all having so much fun" type songs being played. This is no fun at all, I know I have done the right thing by my G.D but what an emotional journey this all is.


rosie
rosie

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Robin D
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Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 12:58 pm

Re: In court Monday and scared!

Postby Robin D » Fri Dec 17, 2010 11:01 am

Hi Rosie.

All I can say is that many of us here have been there, and have the greatest of sympathy for how you are feeling. You have to keep telling yourself that your closing sentiment 'I know I have done the right thing by my G.D' is just so true.

I'm afraid you may end up having to hurt your daughter to protect her child, but don't cut yourself up about it. It's your daughter's poor lifestyle choices that have put you in this position, not yours.

((( HUGS )))

Grandparent carer in Suffolk [:)]
Former F&F carer, foster carer, adopter and respite carer for umpteen children. Now retired and when with kids, making sure they 'go home' at the end of the day.

jenmarie
Posts: 193
Joined: Mon Apr 20, 2009 11:37 am

Re: In court Monday and scared!

Postby jenmarie » Fri Dec 17, 2010 1:20 pm

So sorry you are going through this. You are in almost the same position as I was' in April 2006. I didn't/couldn't cut my daughter loose and my g/s ended up in care. My daughter got him back in November 07 only to mistreat and abuse him. He ended up back in care after the police became involved in April 09. I had to fight the hardest I've ever had to fight in my life to get him back. It took 8 months to get him back. I still have plenty of regrets for not behaving differently in 2006. What my g/s had to go through during that time is heart breaking. I now have him on an sgo, and no one will hurt him again. I have no contact with my daughter at all now, no idea where she is, and yes it hurts and yes I think about her. But, she made me choose her child over mine. I would do it all over again to give our little boy the life he deserves only I would do it sooner. Doun't ever doubt yourself. Stay strong. Love and hugs. xxxxx

rosielj
Posts: 10
Joined: Tue Nov 30, 2010 8:00 am

Re: In court Monday and scared!

Postby rosielj » Fri Dec 17, 2010 4:52 pm

Thank you so much, both of you. x

rosie
rosie

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ied53
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Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 11:26 pm

Re: In court Monday and scared!

Postby ied53 » Fri Dec 17, 2010 5:09 pm

Ho Rosie right stop this now you did not cause this your daughter did had she got her act together and been a Mother this would not have happened. Why is other child still at daughters? you have an emergency order if when this becomes a full order it is not set in stone . If your daughter gets her act together and does the job properly then the child / ren could go back if not well she makes her own choices.
The children have no choice in this we have to protect them. It is easier for your daughter to blame you then wake up to the fact she screwed up. We have all been where you are. Just look at the face of the child in your care and remember why you are doing this.

Irene
Irene
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Tough times never last tough people do

yogibear
Posts: 67
Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2009 6:23 pm

Re: In court Monday and scared!

Postby yogibear » Fri Dec 17, 2010 9:27 pm

Hiya Rosielj, we're in Court Monday as well, I hope we both get the right outcome. Good luck to you. x

Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.
Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.

maricharle
Posts: 60
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 2:06 pm

Re: In court Monday and scared!

Postby maricharle » Sat Dec 18, 2010 8:45 am

Hi Rosie,

Like you and the others I have had to choose between my daughter and grandson and I agree it is never easy but you are doing the right thing. Never doubt that. The way I look at it is my daughter is old enough to be able to look after herself and make her own decisions where as my grandson needs looking after. In cases like this it is better someone the child knows than a stranger and lets face it perhaps if your daughter will thank you one day if she does get her life together as she may be able to have a relationship with her child because it is you that will be caring for her. Who knows what the future will bring but for now your grand daughter is safe and secure in a loving caring family. I hope everything goes well in court on Monday

nanaJ
Posts: 117
Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:11 pm

Re: In court Monday and scared!

Postby nanaJ » Sat Dec 18, 2010 8:47 am

I hope you both achieve the results you wish for in Court on Monday. It is always more difficult at this time of year and it remains an emotional time for us and the children.

You are doing the right thing for your grandchild, your daughter's pleadings for money show she is not prepared to put her child before her chosen lifestyle. There can be no doubt in your mind you are putting the child first.

I have been convinced, as have others on the forum, on numerous occasions our daughter may be ready to have the children back but over a two year period she has regularly slipped back. It takes considerable time and effort to change and from what you have said, your daughter has not even started down the path to a recovery.

Good luck to you both.

rosielj
Posts: 10
Joined: Tue Nov 30, 2010 8:00 am

Re: In court Monday and scared!

Postby rosielj » Sun Dec 19, 2010 8:38 am

I cannot thank you enough for your support, it feels so isolating sometimes to be in this situation and as I lost my best friend to cancer this summer there is nobody I can turn to who knows my Daughter and how hard the last nine years have been for me.
Irene, my other G.D is still at home because she has a different Father who has a big role in her life, she went to stay with him and her Paternal Grandmother for four weeks when all this happened,S.S asked me first and I agreed, but they didn't want to make the two hour journey to bring her to me so arranged for her to go to the other Grandmother. She is now back at home and I think about her all the time, S.S are visiting my Daughter and G.D on a daily basis.
Good luck Yogibear, will be thinking of you on Monday.
NanaJ and Maricharle, thanks for your support, its so comforting to have people who understand.I tend to look too deeply into why my Daughter is the way she is and think "Where did I go wrong?" but then I look at my four Boys who are fully functioning and stable and know deep down that they all had the same loving upbringing so yes, my Daughter is a thirty six year old Woman who has made her own sad choices.




rosie
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ied53
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Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 11:26 pm

Re: In court Monday and scared!

Postby ied53 » Sun Dec 19, 2010 6:46 pm

You didn't go wrong they made the wrong choice. My son is our problem that and the choice of ex girlfriend. most of us have gone through the same we understand how you feel good luck for tomorrow.

Irene
Irene

Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire

Tough times never last tough people do


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