In court Monday and scared!

[Kate]

We did survive, my GD who is now 13, is a very special young lady who loves life, lives life and is my life


What beautiful words [:)][:)][:)]

[rosielj]

Survived the court.... just about!Had a three hour wait as my Daughter's solicitor or barrister (not sure who he was)got stuck in snow somewhere on his journey. The Judge wasn't there either so we sat in the court looking at a phone which was on loudspeaker from which he spoke.
I saw my Daughter briefly as I entered the building, my problem is, whatever she throws at me, however bad she has treated me over the years I always feel sorry for her.We exchanged a few words about the weather as if we were strangers then I was taken to a room upstairs.
My Solicitor read the report from SS to me which the judge later described as comprehensive given he had asked for a brief report at this time.It detailed their involvement so far, and was a bit "sitting on the fence" as usual, but clearly stated they felt it best my GD stay with me till February. My Daughter's representative then put it to the judge that they agreed totally that GD should stay with me for now???? Loads more reports to be done now including a thoughts and feelings report for my GD, the SW who came here described her as "A very intelligent 9 year old who made it very clear that she wanted to stay with Grandmother and had stated in a very grown up manner her reasons for her decision not to go home"
Why did my daughter's legal side not fight it?I don't understand, and judging from my Daughter's text messages since, she doesn't understand either, all she said was that her representative was a ***** whom she didn't even know, and I received text after text from her blaming me that she had made a 4 hour train journey for nothing, wasted

[babylove]

when it comes to contact please dont believe her when she says the "courts said" make sure you ask the SW or your solicitor otherwise she could twist it to go against you as thats what my daughter tried doing.

what is so amazing is that when people start talking about their daughters/sons it sounds like their talking about my daughter as i can relate to everything that is being said about them as if their talking about my daughter. must be a drug/drink thing

[jenmarie]

Don't lose the support of your boys. Give all of you the christmas you deserve. If your daughter ends up with the one she deserves...maybe,,just maybe,, next year could be different. You need to stop this manipulation now.Love and hugs. xxxxx

[Piglets-House]

My niece has tried to convince me this week that she has been told that she can see her children with her new husband whenever she wants to. I have held firm and said you are quite welcome to come to my house on your own (bearing in mind she has not seen them herself for a year and has not phoned for 8 months) without the husband in tow. I insisted that she get to know them again first before introducing other people to them. Seeing as how I know it won't last I don't want the kids to get involved they are 4 and 2. Anyway after several email conversations she finally admitted to me that what I was saying was right because that's what her social worker told her!! I was astounded and said well then why are you asking me she said well there is no harm in trying, have a nice Christmas. Pfffft. All a show for the new husband I have no doubt to show she cares about her kids especially at Christmas.

[special4ngel]

If I didn't know better you could be telling everyone my life story about my daughter!....everything you say about your daughter is how mine is, so uncanny I had to read your post twice. The judge even told us 'make your own contact arrangements as you seem to have decent contact between your selves' we had heard nothing nor seen my daughter for 4 years!! and yes my daughter threw 'the judge said' up at me all the time. I decided to play her at her own game. I told her for the last 6 years I have done everything for your daughter to see you. If you want contact YOU call her, YOU come and visit her, YOU make your own way, I will NOT bring her to you. Needless to say for the first few weeks we had several phone calls, all saying the right things, promises of I will come and see you, I have bought you this, that and everything. It only lasted for about 3 weeks then the calls went from every other day to once a week and now nothing!!
I felt so sorry for my daughter, her face and her words told me she really cared, her actions told me it was all for show. She was more bothered about what her friends and new boyfriend thought. she had to make the right impression for them to see.
In truth, she has not got time for my GD and out of sight out of mind springs to mind!! until she is upset over something and is looking for sympathy blaming her 'ex' for her lack of contact.
Through it all I was, still am, fighting with myself because I DO LOVE MY DAUGHTER, I don't like her for what she is doing to my GD.
The only way I get through all of this is to separate the two.
We are surviving this because I put my GD first. We have not spoken to my daughter for months now but Xmas is here and we know it will start over but we are ready, we WILL make the right noises, we WON'T be forgiving, we WON'T be feeling sorry for her. her life her choices.
You have a long road ahead, some of it will be so hard, you will have ups and downs but at the end of your journey you will look back and say We survived.

caz

[rosielj]

Thanks for your replies everyone.
Irene, believe me I know she's not perfect! She is a manipulator, who uses emotional blackmail to the extreme, but the thing is she does love her Daughter, if it came to it she would lay down her life and die for her, but she doesn't have a clue how to look after her, how she should be talking to her, how to fulfill her basic needs etc etc but I know in her own misguided way she loves her and that's what I am finding hard about all this. She is apparently seeing the mental health team soon, and if she is honest with them maybe she will get somewhere, who knows?It's almost like she's trapped as a child herself in her own head, nine years of drug abuse has not helped either and she seems to have now totally lost touch with reality.
I know I am doing the right thing, and I see that everyday when I look at my G.D being the nine year old she deserves to be instead of some sort of carer. I will always put the Children first as they don't have choices.
It is remarkable how similar some of our situations on here are, and as I have said before a great comfort to know I am not alone, thanks everyone.


rosie

[nanaJ]

You have to listen to your own children and consider your grandchild this Christmas. You simply cannot give in. I speak from experience and two years ago my daughter was left alone, in a house with no electricity because she had no money for the meter. I had bailed her out again and again and she repaid me by character assassinating me in court, letting the children and her loving sister down and abandoning her baby to go out drinking. You have to reach rock bottom before you can start to climb back to any form of normality.
You are not hurting your daughter, you are doing the right thing by all of your family.

This year my daughter is spending three nights with us over Christmas. I will be firm, she will help look after her children, help around the house and not sit on facebook which I loathe as it keeps you in contact with the dreadful people who drag you down and try to creep back into your life. Otherwise there is always the car to take her home.

Stay firm, turn off that phone.I wish you peace.

[Help 1870]

quote:Originally posted by rosielj

believe me I know she's not perfect! She is a manipulator, who uses emotional blackmail to the extreme, but the thing is she does love her Daughter, if it came to it she would lay down her life and die for her,
rosie


Sometimes love is just not enough.

Emotions complicate things, they blur the harm and damage thats being done, they put us in a position where we feel obligated to fall back on the "s/he does love the child" and excuse any abuse or neglect rather than focus on the real needs and welfare of the child.

I frequently ask carers I work with, "If this was YOUR child, would you allow anyone to treat them in this way?". Every single carer has replied No. The next question is, "then why do you allow the parent to do this?"

Like I said, sometimes love is just not enough.

[yogibear]

quote:Originally posted by rosielj

Thanks for your replies everyone.
Irene, believe me I know she's not perfect! She is a manipulator, who uses emotional blackmail to the extreme, but the thing is she does love her Daughter, if it came to it she would lay down her life and die for her, but she doesn't have a clue how to look after her, how she should be talking to her, how to fulfill her basic needs etc etc but I know in her own misguided way she loves her and that's what I am finding hard about all this. She is apparently seeing the mental health team soon, and if she is honest with them maybe she will get somewhere, who knows?It's almost like she's trapped as a child herself in her own head, nine years of drug abuse has not helped either and she seems to have now totally lost touch with reality.
I know I am doing the right thing, and I see that everyday when I look at my G.D being the nine year old she deserves to be instead of some sort of carer. I will always put the Children first as they don't have choices.
It is remarkable how similar some of our situations on here are, and as I have said before a great comfort to know I am not alone, thanks everyone.


rosie


That could have been written about my daughter? they sound incredibly alike.

Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.