Warning - yet again - SGOs

[gb2010]

Well, yet again, we are one of those numerous families who are being taken back to Court by birth father wanting more contact! He's got legal aid and we can't afford the Court defence costs of thousands! The law needs to be changed. We have been through so much and now it starts again. Court for a Directions Hearing in front of Family Proceedings Court on 14 Januay! I am sick to my stomach. So all of you out there be warned - this could happen to you. I've read the posts of many many of you in our situation.

[Help 1870]

Did you also see about asking the court for a section 91(14) order. If the father fails in his application, it might be worth asking the court for one of these to prevent any more applications.

[gb2010]

Yes, have read that as well so will be asking, but whether they agree or not is another matter!! I just can't believe the law says he can do this. If the Court agree, then this will completely undermine us as SGs! So, what's the point! Fed up and do not want CAFCASS or SS in our lives again. My 13 year has just been diagnosed with ME. Last thing I need is this! Fuming fuming fuming!

[youngagain]

Sorry to hear of it, we are in the same boat, cost us 2k so far next hearing on Tuesday, a waste of our time and money all of it.And the professionals, that's a laugh, the majority of the people that we have come in to contact with are simply incompetent, if I carried out my work to their standards I would be arrested. Its a fight we sg's never thought we would be involved in.But here is something, if you can not afford the court costs, then the REGULATIONS SAY THAT THE l.a.can provide for court costs associated with ongoing special guardianship or something to that end so it may be worth emailing the director of children's services at your L.A. and copy it to your M.P. , telling him of your plight, you never know they may pay and although you dont ant the L.A. involved with you for obvious reasons,make an official complaint about anything you like to do with the way they treated you and ask for the file record.That way they will know not to use the usual underhand tactics of dissuading you from making a claim for money by using menacing tactics designed to make you feel insecure about contacting them. It may not have happened to you but it has us with words like " the assessment will be invasive" suggesting invasion or aggressive attack.

[Piglets-House]

At the risk of being berated for this comment I am gonna go for it anyway. A child has a right to contact with their family. which means all of their family whether we as sg's like it or not and believe me I have had my moments but we have to let this happen. The father obviously feels that he is not getting enough contact and therefore is asking for more. has he asked you directly for more contact if he has then perhaps you could have come to an agreement without the need for court. I am dreading this happening to me but will do my best to agree without the need for court if I can. At the end of the day the court would prefer not to make an order so we sg's need to try and accommodate as best we can part if our responsibility is to keep the childrens welfare at the forfront of our minds this includes contact.

[gb2010]

Thank you youngagain and Piglets-House - let us just all remember WHY we were given the SGOs in the first place shall we! Youngagain, all the best for Court and thank you.

[nanaJ]

I am sorry to hear this. We are also continually taken back to court over the most minor of issues.

The father, who we do appreciate our grandson has a right to know, already has good contact every other weekend. We fought against this because of his violence - he has numerous convictions for serious offences. The court felt this was in the past, although he was even convicted of another offence during the proceedings! The Judge felt this offence was "quite commonplace" and more accepted these days.

The problem is,and I am jumping ahead here from your situation, he continually lets him down. We now know he has a weekend job in addition to working regular weekend overtime and "pops to the pub" before bothering to see him. He is growing resentful at having to attend and keeps asking us why he is forced to go. In effect he is staying with his parents - I don't have an issue with him seeing them but not for this level of extensive contact where he feels sad and lonely.

Either way, you are left picking up the pieces. The social worker on our case from the LA remarked that she generally found that the people who made the most waves in court and were very aggressive in their demands, did tend to have a pattern of letting the children down. She always told us we would be left with this mess and here we are.

We look like we have another issue coming up shortly, a minor quibble, but which will inevitably go back to court.

With regard to the 91 (14) order, these are increasingly rare. If your proceedings have been ongoing for many years, disturbing the security of the child in your care, it may be worth a try. Also I understand the courts have again on rare occasions, taken into account the level of stress on the primary carer.

Sometimes you have to learn coping mechanisms although I have not succeeded in this. I hope someone can offer you some advice on this.

[fatcat]

i agree that contact can benefit children, however it does seem that the father has a very generous agreement in the first place. as you are in court anyway, would it be worth sharing the evidence that he has let the hcild down and suggest that contact is actually reduced?

[youngagain]

Its very complicated contact with parents and children, no one situation is the same and thank you for your support.The thing is children are very vulnerable and no matter what, the professional opinion is that they should have contact with their blood parents and rightly so.However who are we to question what is right and wrong for them, they have a right to have contact but they also have a right to be protected from any form of interactions with their parents that may have a negative effect on their emotional development and it is a difficult balance to strike especially with all the adult emotions at play.Lets face it if the parents were of any real use to the children then we would not be special guardians. children need contact for reasons of identity.As long as you put yourself in the shoes of the child when making decisions, you cant go far wrong.You have to also consider the risks that contact presents and supervise accordingly. It occurred to me that a written agreement of acceptable behaviour setting out do's and dont's would formalise the arrangements. that way if any incidents at contact take place, you have a better argument for suspending contact.

[LLB]

quote:Originally posted by Piglets-House

At the risk of being berated for this comment I am gonna go for it anyway. A child has a right to contact with their family. which means all of their family whether we as sg's like it or not and believe me I have had my moments but we have to let this happen. The father obviously feels that he is not getting enough contact and therefore is asking for more. has he asked you directly for more contact if he has then perhaps you could have come to an agreement without the need for court. I am dreading this happening to me but will do my best to agree without the need for court if I can. At the end of the day the court would prefer not to make an order so we sg's need to try and accommodate as best we can part if our responsibility is to keep the childrens welfare at the forfront of our minds this includes contact.


Yes I agree with you. It is hard and very emotional (for all) to do this and yes contact can leave a child confused but that risk has to be taken as we have found out. Anyway if the relationship is left to develop through thick and thin it can work for the best. These bad parents are still the child's parents but very often the child still loves their 'bad' parent and if we deny contact then it could in the end make things worse. Our eldest started off not wanting to see his father but we explained that he was still his father despite what he may have done. Eventually our eldest changed his mind after going through many emotions and whether we like it not now,as a teenager, he loves his parents whilst at the same time appreciating their faults.