Desperate for help

nannabelle51
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Joined: Thu Jul 29, 2010 12:29 am

Desperate for help

Post by nannabelle51 » Sat Dec 04, 2010 2:20 pm

My grandson was removed from my care in April due according to LA for safety issues against me.He joined his 3 sisters in foster care all are on an ICO.
I wrote a letter of complaint and the LA have been assessing me as a carer for a minimum of one of my 4 grandchildren for the past month my previous solicitor said I would have to pay for independent assessments so I am grateful for that at least.
The SW says once she has had a final appointment with my partner a report will be written for the court.
I am very concerned I will not be able to read this report before it is put before the judge is this correct? I am not party to the proceedings and two other family members are being assessed as well.
We are still hopeful my daughters children may be returned but if they are not it is our wish they come to family. The past 9 months have been so stressful I cannot afford a solicitor so any advice will be appreciated.
Isabelle Maxwell

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Help 1870
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Re: Desperate for help

Post by Help 1870 » Sat Dec 04, 2010 5:08 pm


What makes you think you will not have an opportunity to read this assessement?

They should give it to you to read even if only so you know whats been said and if needs be have the opportunity to correct anything you feel is factually wrong with it. The Judge is unable to get a blanaced picture if its incorrect. You may not get to see the reports on the other family members, they will be confidential to them.

Before you raise concerns ask the SW when you will be getting a copy and see what she says before you decide to take (if any) further action.

I have to be honest, and I dont know the details of you case, but your wish the children may be returned to their parents may be an issue thats causing concern amongs the professionals. Its all very well being supportive of the parents, but if that support goes against what the professionals believe to be in the best interests of the child it can go against you.

Its a hard fact that many carers have had to learn, but its often best to distance yourself from the parents and take on board the views of SS otherwise it can be seen that you may be unable to prioritise the children over their parents.


nannabelle51
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Joined: Thu Jul 29, 2010 12:29 am

Re: Desperate for help

Post by nannabelle51 » Sat Dec 04, 2010 6:56 pm

I am very glad you posted the reply but it has frightened me very much.
It does not look good that the children will be returned to parents and I have been desperately trying to help my daughter which you say may go against me.
The court proceedings are almost over and I was going to make a statement to her solicitor and a plea to the judge but I may have to rethink.
The SW told me I wouldn't get to see the report before it was placed before the judge which I think is unfair because it may be incorrect.
what do I do?
Isabelle Maxwell

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Help 1870
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Re: Desperate for help

Post by Help 1870 » Sat Dec 04, 2010 7:18 pm


Im sorry, I didnt mean to frighten you. I said it MAY be an issue, thats not to say it is. Many carers here have had to deal with that difficulty, its something that does crop up fairly regularly so best you know about it now really and if it is a problem you can take appropriate action. Thats not to say you have to cut your daughter out, she is still your daughter after all, you just have to approach supporting her in a different way and one that shows to the professionals you can and will prioritise the children.

It might be best to take things one step at a time, and deal with each thing as it arises rather than worry over mights/maybe's/possibly's. Im guessing you have a while before the court hearing and its not something thats imminent.

First thing I would suggest is to contact the SW and ask her when the report will be available and when you are getting your copy. If she says you are not getting one then ask why as the report is about you.

Who did the assessment? Was it SS or did someone independent carry it out?

Id be interested to know the reasons why SS removed your grandson from your care back in April, Did those reasons have anything to do with your relationship with the childrens mother. Those reasons could have a lot of bearing on the opinion of the SW and the assessment itself. You can mail me privately if you prefer, just click on the envelope picture.

old bear
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Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 3:21 pm

Re: Desperate for help

Post by old bear » Sun Dec 05, 2010 5:44 am

hi belle, and welcome to the forum.
oh, they're so clever with their words, ss!
perhaps you could say that you "hope your daughter will in time be able to resolve her difficulties"
(whatever they are)
but for now you can see that grandchildren need to be cared for by people who can keep them safe.
and if help's guess is right, that la fear you might put grandson at risk by letting him spend time, unsupervised, with someone (his mother?) they believe to be dangerous ~ you will need somehow to let them know you've realised that wouldn't be safe and you definitely won't do it.
i would suggest you phone the frg advice line (0808 801 0366, open 10.00 to 3.30 monday to friday) for advice on how best to do this ~ also discuss with your solicitor.
but if that wasn't the la's worry, then you need to try to find out what those "safety issues" were ~ so you can work out how to convince them you can keep him safe.
and please make sure you keep notes of who says what and when ~ it helps to remember later.
good luck and best wishes,
old bear

nannabelle51
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Joined: Thu Jul 29, 2010 12:29 am

Re: Desperate for help

Post by nannabelle51 » Sun Dec 05, 2010 11:46 am

I know what the issues raised against me are and I have sought to assure ss my grandchildren will be safe within the family and we will do what is in their best interests should they not be returned to their mother.
I don't think dad has much chance as he has been violent and mis-used drugs in the past.
It has been extremely difficult working with SS I know they do not want to return the children and some of them because of their ages may be adopted.
I have grandma's contact regularly and I know they want to come home.
How do people cope with this sadness? How will I support my daughter and not look as if I do not know what is in the children'd best interests?
Court is imminent for the final hearing possibly January they just had an advocates meeting all reports are in and it's a directions hearing tomorrow.[:(]
Isabelle Maxwell

Kate
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Re: Desperate for help

Post by Kate » Mon Dec 06, 2010 2:24 am

nanabelle, thinking of you - let us know how the directions hearing goes.

old bear
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Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 3:21 pm

Re: Desperate for help

Post by old bear » Mon Dec 06, 2010 2:37 am

hi belle,
strength for tomorrow's directions
some things may look a tad clearer after that
please post and let us know of progress
wishing you all the best,
old bear

yogibear
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Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2009 6:23 pm

Re: Desperate for help

Post by yogibear » Mon Dec 06, 2010 11:36 pm

My thoughts are with you.

Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.
Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.

nannabelle51
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Joined: Thu Jul 29, 2010 12:29 am

Re: Desperate for help

Post by nannabelle51 » Tue Dec 07, 2010 9:43 am

My daughter in court today the Judge wants the permanancy plan back in court Feb.
Looked after review later that day SW stated she would not be recommending the children be returned home to parents.
2 aunts and myself being assessed her reccomendations would be completed late Dec early January on that.
Adoption plan for the two youngest (Adoption panel meeting Jan)the foster carer willing to keep the two oldest if family not successful.
Feelng so distressed about it all. It will all be decided behind closed doors and I feel they will not consider placing the two youngest with family or even consider splitting eldest two to go to separate family members.
The foster carer lives miles away which will mean the eldest two children are safer with her so I feel it is all so pre determined and we are wasting our time being assessed
Thank you for your support
Isabelle Maxwell

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