New here,feeling a bit lost!

rosielj
Posts: 10
Joined: Tue Nov 30, 2010 8:00 am

New here,feeling a bit lost!

Postby rosielj » Fri Dec 03, 2010 9:21 am

I will try to keep this as short as possible.
Following a heartbreaking text from my nine year old Grandddaughter eight weeks ago, at the end of my tether I drove two hours to their house where she was already outside waiting for me,she got in the car, we drove round the block and I texted her Mum to say I had her and she was safe and that she has to sort her life out and can't go on like this.My Daughter when she noticed over an hour later that she was gone phoned the police saying I kidnapped her,I then had to explain myself and come clean about all the concerns I have had for nine years (tried telling drug workers etc before but nobody listened)All Hell broke loose S.S became involved, both girls are now on the at risk register.The reason I didn't take her Sister is because I didn't want to go in the house and cause a scene, or be hit etc and also because she has a Dad on the scene with parental responsibility,and if I am brutally honest I don't know if I could cope with her.A couple of days later S.S asked could the Sister come to me, it was 5.30 pm on a Friday and I said she could but I couldn't take my Granddaughter out for a four hour journey and that I had no car seat for the little one, I said if they brought her to me I would have her. They phoned soon after to say they had arranged for her to go to her Paternal Grandmother locally.I am guilt ridden that i have one of the girls and not the other.
It was two weeks before the S.S from my Daughter's area came to see my G.D They were here about an hour, if that, and spoke to me saying they had grave concerns for the girls and could I keep my G.D here as she had made it clear to them she didn't want to go home. I told them i was struggling financially as she came here with nothing and I had bought her everything with the Xmas money I had saved for my own Children aged 14 and 16. They said they could not help as it was a private arrangement.
Weeks have passed, it is now week eight, many unanswered phone calls to S.S, messages left etc then a new SW on the case phoned up to say she had taken over and could she come and see us.
She came on Monday and pretty much the same things happened, she spoke to G.D then told me how happy she was here and was I willing for her to stay, she also said I needed immediate legal advice and suggested I gain a residency order and P.R she alarmed me saying I had no right to medical treatment etc and could not sign any forms for emergency treatment. I went to a solicitor the next day and the ball is rolling.I yet again told the new SW that my own little family is suffering and that it didn't seem fair that my two boys should do without and was there no help they could offer, she said she had checked with their legal dept and they could do nothing. She said she would order a child benefit form for me.She also said that things were not going so well with my Daughter and if it came to it would I have my other Granddaughter.
My whole point with all of this is where is the fairness in removing a child from one set of very unhappy circumstances to now be putting three Children in the poverty zone!Apparently if I had phoned S.S the day my G.D called for my help and they had placed her with me, they then could have helped me. Where is the logic or fairness in all this? What is the difference, what does it matter who took her away, her needs are just as great.
I have a disease called Lupus and also Sjogren's syndrome I am unable to work at the moment, I was living on the breadline before all this happened, but managing, now all the Xmas money I had saved is wiped out on shoes, school uniforms, clothes,a coat, bedding etc etc etc Yesterday I discovered there was a change in my mortgage payments and that has gone up a hundred pounds a month so what I have coming in is less than is going out now!
They say "Children in need" but they do nothing to help, in a way my G.D coming here has now put my two in financial need. I am terrified to put the heating on and its freezing here, i already pay 150 pound a month to have the frugal heating we have on here after 3pm this is all crazy! On top of all this is the constant nasty threats and abuse I am subjected to daily from my Daughter who seems to think this was all planned and I "kidnapped my G.D for the hell of it to spite her. Even though it is being spelled out to her by S.S that she has neglected my G.D and turned her into a slave at nine years old apparently this is all my fault! Are these S.W's human? Not once has anyone (when you can get hold of them that is) asked how we are all adapting, how my Boys are handling the changes,how I am coping financially. Yes, my G.D is happy yo be away, she is loving the stability, the three meals a day, the not having to look after her Sister etc she is very settled here, but things could be better with some support! Who is going to ensure that the two girls see each other, i couldn't afford the petrol to take my G.D there and I would be met with a knife in my back if I showed my face at my Daughters door anyway.
Sorry to have gone on but I had to get all this off my chest, i am not a ranting madwoman really!
I have to go now as I have to go by train to a hospital 60 miles away where my Son has his treatment for mild Heamophilia, i have nobody to look after my G.D till 9 pm this evening when we get back so she is coming too.
So sorry to have gone on so much and despite everything I am glad my G.D is here with me and rapidly turning back into a child again instead of the adult lifestyle she has been living.

rosie

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ied53
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Re: New here,feeling a bit lost!

Postby ied53 » Fri Dec 03, 2010 9:36 am

you need legal advise and do phone the FRG advice line. Unfortunately as you dealt with your self the soc servs are correct it is a private arrangement. Please be careful before rushing in to anything the RO will give you PR so you can sign for medical etc as you say any allowance is discretionary. The better option and one that would have given you funding would have been fostering but as you moved the child and did not go through them they are unlikely to look at that. It is worth asking about

Irene
Irene
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Tough times never last tough people do

Aunty Lucy
Posts: 328
Joined: Thu Apr 17, 2008 6:52 pm

Re: New here,feeling a bit lost!

Postby Aunty Lucy » Fri Dec 03, 2010 7:28 pm

quote:
Originally posted by ied53

you need legal advise and do phone the FRG advice line. Unfortunately as you dealt with your self the soc servs are correct it is a private arrangement. Please be careful before rushing in to anything the RO will give you PR so you can sign for medical etc as you say any allowance is discretionary. The better option and one that would have given you funding would have been fostering but as you moved the child and did not go through them they are unlikely to look at that. It is worth asking about

Irene



they had grave concerns for the girls and could I keep my G.D here as she had made it clear to them she didn't want to go home.


Does that bit not matter Irene? SS asked if the GD could be kept there, could that not be twisted against them like they twist things against everyone else?



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Help 1870
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Re: New here,feeling a bit lost!

Postby Help 1870 » Fri Dec 03, 2010 7:40 pm


I dont think it would matter. Its unfortunate that rosielj stepped in and took the child, that made it a private arrangement rather than a placement.

The sibling is something different. If you feel you can take on this child then then would be a formal placement, and the child should be considered 'looked after' and they would have to support you financially.

If its mentioned again ask the question, 'If this child comes to live with us, is it a formal placement by you and will I be financially supported accordingly'

Aunty Lucy
Posts: 328
Joined: Thu Apr 17, 2008 6:52 pm

Re: New here,feeling a bit lost!

Postby Aunty Lucy » Fri Dec 03, 2010 10:34 pm

I understand about the private arrangement thing, it sucks. I just thought as they'd asked if the GD could stay she might have a case to say it was a placement.

old bear
Posts: 356
Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 3:21 pm

Re: New here,feeling a bit lost!

Postby old bear » Sat Dec 04, 2010 12:06 am

hi rosie, and welcome to the site

Sorry to have gone on but I had to get all this off my chest, i am not a ranting madwoman really!

sorry to hear that rosie, we thought you were going to be one of us!
but seriously, rant away whenever you need to, this is the place to do it!


It was two weeks before the S.S from my Daughter's area came to see my G.D They were here about an hour, if that, and spoke to me saying they had grave concerns for the girls and could I keep my G.D here as she had made it clear to them she didn't want to go home.

sounds to me like it might be worth a try (for the money) ~ ask frg helpline and solicitor for their views, but it sounds as though ss did not believe the arrangement was fixed or permanent, so they asked you if you could keep granddaughter, which means they DID ask you.
and make sure you keep your own record of everything that gets said, who says it and when ~ bound to be useful at some point, if not right away.

also, you ask "what is the point?" and "where is the fairness?"
no fairness where ss are concerned, they will wriggle out of whatever they can
but the point? safety and happiness of the children involved.

but only you can decide whether this is one you can fight, or you need to save your strength and resources for your boys. but you need not fight this one alone, we are all here to offer advice, clues, strength along the way.

all best wishes,
old bear


trapper
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Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2010 10:54 am

Re: New here,feeling a bit lost!

Postby trapper » Sat Dec 04, 2010 12:31 am

hi sorry to hear your probs but where is the other sibbling ss will tell you you cant split them seek legal advice keep pressing for clothing money it is there.

old bear
Posts: 356
Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 3:21 pm

Re: New here,feeling a bit lost!

Postby old bear » Sat Dec 04, 2010 4:24 am

ps: the only time you have any bargaining power with ss is when they want something from you ~ before things are settled ~ so if you decide to take second child then (1) argue a sensible finance and support package before you agree to take her, and (2) try to get the same for first child before you take second child (while you have leverage).

again, good luck with this,
old bear


rosielj
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Joined: Tue Nov 30, 2010 8:00 am

Re: New here,feeling a bit lost!

Postby rosielj » Sat Dec 04, 2010 9:42 am

Thanks so much to everyone who answered, its good to feel less alone and isolated. We got back from the hospital at midnight last night due to a technical fault on one of the trains, we were frozen by the time we got in as the heating on the train had packed in!
I know all this is totally worth it, I think I just had a wobble yesterday, I know that my G.D security and stability is much more important than money, its just so hard financially at the moment and especially at this time of year with all the added pressure of Xmas and I am so lucky to have two teenage boys who understand.
I will phone the S.W again tomorrow (do they ever actually get back to you, goodness knows how many messages I have left for her to ring me) I am concerned about the fact that the girls are split up and surely they could do something to make sure they see each other? I have been told that I will never see my other G.D again by my Daughter so I need to sort this out legally too, but this should not stop the two girls seeing each other and S.S will have to help me with this.
My youngest G.D is back at home following a Month with her Paternal Grandmother, and yes, if the S.W asks me to have her at any time I will be negotiating some sort of support and getting it clear before I say yes.
This is such an emotional roller coaster because I still love my Daughter and am so worried about her,but I am also worn out with trying to support her over the years.
Thanks everyone, its good to be here on this forum.

rosie
rosie

rosielj
Posts: 10
Joined: Tue Nov 30, 2010 8:00 am

Re: New here,feeling a bit lost!

Postby rosielj » Sat Dec 04, 2010 9:45 am

Oops, must have lost a day somewhere, will be phoning S.W Monday not tomorrow!

rosie
rosie


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