post adoption sibling contact.

[winni]

My little one has six half siblings and has sporadic contact with the three from her dads side (my step son) and one from her mums side (who lives with his nan.)She does not have contact with mum,but has regular contact with her dad.One of her mums younger children is now in the process of being adopted.The S.W. has asked if I am willing for contact between them.The thing is there is another little one that is in care and mum is pregnant again.As she is not thirty yet it is likely she will have more.I am leaning toward post box contact but wondered if anyone has any experiences or opinions that may help me get a balanced view.

win

[David Roth]

Winni, it sounds as if keeping up contact for all of your little one's siblings could be a bit overwhelming, particularly if, as you say, the number of siblings she has to keep in touch with keeps increasing. At the same time, I always feel it is a shame when children end up losing touch with their siblings because they have ended up being in the care system. I have heard some very touching stories from adults who have never got over being separated from siblings after they were fostered or adopted separately.

There is an organisation which organises camps where children who have been separated by care are able to go with groups of their siblings, and get involved in doing activities together. I have met some of the people who organise these camps, and a lot of thought has gone into them, and I think they do provide a good experience for the young people who go there. The local authorities would need to pay the fees for the children going there. It is called Siblings Together, and this is the website: http://www.siblingstogether.co.uk/

This could be one way of sibling contact taking place without it taking over your life. It might even give you a few days' break [;)]

David R
FRG Policy Adviser

[winni]

Hi David
She does have contact with her dads children and with her elder brother on her mums side because they live locally .It is the child that is two and a half, who is being adopted and who she has never seen that the S.W. has contacted me about.I doubt the authorities will pay for contact don't you?I think there is a younger one in care,and mum is pregnant again. I want to do what is best for my little one, but my fear is that it will be too much for her.She has already had a resurgance of a stammer that had cleared up.I believe it is because her Dad unsettled her by trying to pressure her into going to live with him(this happened after I sought maintenance from the CSA)This is why I am concerned that it might be too much for her to deal with.
I think I will allow the S.W. to visit and explain if and why it will benefit the children.

win

[Kate]

Winni I hope you can sort this out best for your g/d. She's been through so much and I'm sorry her stammer has come back. How have things worked out re. her father - has he given up trying to have her living with him? How's your health at the moment?

[winni]

Hi Kate
Dad asked her a while ago if she wanted to live with him...but she said no.I do feel though that he was wrong to put ask an eight year old.It must of been hard for her to say no because she does love him.It is since then that her stutter has resurfaced.
I am feeling tired but In am not in pain.I just miss walking in the woods etc.I am seeing the surgeon who is doing a 'procedure' on me January.With an 80 per cent success rate I am optimistic. I hope things are ok with you
Winni xx

win

[Kate]

Dad asked her a while ago if she wanted to live with him...but she said no.I do feel though that he was wrong to put ask an eight year old.It must of been hard for her to say no because she does love him.It is since then that her stutter has resurfaced.--------------

Hi Winni
Yes he was totally wrong to put her under this pressure. I'm glad she was able to say no though, you must have been relieved beyond measure. Is she getting help with her stutter?
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I am feeling tired but In am not in pain.I just miss walking in the woods etc.I am seeing the surgeon who is doing a 'procedure' on me January.With an 80 per cent success rate I am optimistic. I hope things are ok with you
------------------

I hope you'll recover well and and feel the benefits very quickly, so you can walk in the woods again.

Things are ok thanks, though what to do on Christmas Day I just don't know. Daughter has nowhere to go but here, despite having been with her boyfriend for 3 yrs they still go their own ways at Christmas - weird but that's their life for you. Son won't speak to his sister - disgusted with her after all that's happened, and the way she lives - and I'm no longer prepared to have the stress under my roof of the two of them forced into each other's company. I wish my son would think about ALL of us and just suck it up and say hi to his sister, but he's very stubborn and he isn't going to. As a result he only drops by for a very short time on Christmas Day, so I think it's time we had him and his girlfriend for Christmas dinner this year. It'd be really nice and g/d would love it although she loves mummy too. But our daughter was here today and talking about Christmas Day here - despite us telling her last visit that we may have to do things differently this year. I feel so torn. Otherwise, g/d is fine, enjoys life to the full and is excited about Christmas of course.