Family problem

Auntie Lynsey
Posts: 105
Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 2:33 pm

Family problem

Postby Auntie Lynsey » Thu Nov 18, 2010 9:07 pm

My dad called me tonight wanting a chat. I knew it would not be about me or my life. He met with my sister yesterday and "she seemed fine" and was wanting more access to the little one. She asked if dad could have a word. She said she had tried to contact me but never could. Lie number 1.

My dad has always been so manipulated by her. He said "she feels excluded from the family". This is all the same cr@p I've heard over and over. Sister has excluded herself from the family and chosen her own path, we haven't excluded her, and I explained that to dad. Dad said "yes she knows but she has changed!".

I said last contact which was one month ago sister spent the whole time trying to score drugs. When she has proved to me she can have good value and reliable contact, then I would review the frequency.

My dad is still so sucked in by her and all she has ever done is hurt him. I feel so lonely with this. I cant talk to anyone about it, as there are so many family dynamics. Sister has always been the favourite, my dad meets her socially, but ony comes to me when he wants advice about his tax or for me to send his CV off somewhere. He has always given so much to sister and I have never asked for anything.

I hate the dynamics. We invited dad and mum for christmas like last year, they declined, and have invited my sister up for the day. (I know she will ony let them down).

My dad started asking about how the arrangement came about and was it my Social Worker who had stated the frequency and was it binding? I told him she had actually recomended less contact than I had offered. I imagine my dad will even fork out for sisters legal fees (shoudl she not get Legal Aid) if she wants more contact. Dad told me sisters homeless support worker thinks she should have more than every 2 months. What would her support worker know....and it could be a lie on my sisters part.

He asked if sister could go up for weekend stays with little one ta their house!!! I told him ythat was a big no no . He just cant understand it.

My dad called himself "an impartial observer". I did not say this to him but I feel he is always just looking out for sister. I told it was not helpful for him to get involved as it made me feel very undermined.

I needed to get all this off my chest, thank you. It has ruined my evening and made me feel so cross and confused. x

Auntie Lynsey
Posts: 105
Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 2:33 pm

Re: Family problem

Postby Auntie Lynsey » Thu Nov 18, 2010 9:46 pm

ied53

You've got their relationship down to a tee. She uses him for whatever she can. He has even offered to supervise contact but was never interested in the past. If I asked him to supervise contact in my behalf due to the stress I doubt he would be so willing, but now sister wants more, he says he can deal with it....grrrr.

yogibear
Posts: 67
Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2009 6:23 pm

Re: Family problem

Postby yogibear » Thu Nov 18, 2010 10:46 pm

So sorry your evening has been ruined, remember tomorrow is another day, and face it with the same strength and determination you so obviously have. Your Dad sounds like he gets sucked in by your sister easily. As a parent you always want to believe the lies they spin, It's taken me years to accept my daughter is a down right manipulating liar, and that's one of her good points!! You remember who the "good person" is here. And go give yourself a hug from me. x

Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.
Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.

User avatar
Help 1870
Posts: 914
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 9:54 am

Re: Family problem

Postby Help 1870 » Thu Nov 18, 2010 11:22 pm

Auntie Lynsey, I know exactly how you feel, and its not nice.[:(]

Dont let it ruin your evening or any of your time for that matter. You just have to keep doing what you are doing, keep saying no to protect the child and let them deal with their own relationship.

Your sister might be manipulating your dad, but thats his problem not yours, and if he wont accept the situation as it is and the reasons why you have the child and not her, thats his problem too.

Keep being firm with them, its all you can do, but dont let it get to you.

Auntie Lynsey
Posts: 105
Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 2:33 pm

Re: Family problem

Postby Auntie Lynsey » Fri Nov 19, 2010 12:18 am

Thank you, you may not realise how much your words encourage me. I feel like I can sleep now. I have written 4 letters to my dad which I won't send. I got some frustrations out but there are so many the pen just couldn't keep up. I dislike having to explain and justify myself the most. I'm not in court!

I feel I want to stop answering the phone to my dad, he never really wants to talk to me, it's always, "Hi, how are you? I'm wondering if you've heard from your sister? We've been trying to contact her and theres no response" and so on....

Dad called me several times on sisters birthday. I ignored the phone as he either a) wanted to see if I'd heard from her as they couldn't reach her. b) wanted to check to see if I had remembered it was her birthday!...and I knew that he never spent my birthday calling my sister to see if she had remembered mine.

Things are already tricky without added complications. I hope he doesn't try to mediate again. There is so much he doesn't even know. Thanks again. xx

Kate
Posts: 2444
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2005 5:33 pm

Re: Family problem

Postby Kate » Fri Nov 19, 2010 2:41 am

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Auntie Lynsey}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


No words to better what the others have said. I hope you're sleeping now, and that tomorrow will be better. Hang in there.

pollypocket
Posts: 39
Joined: Thu Aug 12, 2010 3:21 pm

Re: Family problem

Postby pollypocket » Fri Nov 19, 2010 9:38 am

Your situation is very similar to mine - we have husbands nephew (sisters child) and his mother is exactly the same. We are being unfair/she is his mother etc etc...unfortunately it has gotten to the point that they have now turned on us because 'they want their life back'. Well be safe in the knowledge that you are doing a great thing and perhaps remind your father that you are giving your sister the ultimate gift, the knowledge that her child is safe....without you she wouldnt have that. Our little one would be on adoption register if not for us but even that hasnt stopped the barrage of emotional blackmail.

Stay strong X

pp
pp

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Help 1870
Posts: 914
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 9:54 am

Re: Family problem

Postby Help 1870 » Fri Nov 19, 2010 2:23 pm

quote:
Originally posted by ied53

( or use the words shove it)

Irene



[:D][:D][:D][:D][:D]

Kate
Posts: 2444
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2005 5:33 pm

Re: Family problem

Postby Kate » Fri Nov 19, 2010 3:40 pm

Try saying you have the legal responsibility and are not prepared to discuss this anynmotre as the court made you aware of a factors and have a responsibilty to uphold this and not discuss it. ( or use the words shove it)

Irene

---------

AMEN! If you have to cut off from your father, so be it. You have been treated shabbily by him and don't need his approval. Now he is letting his grandchild down, but you are doing a wonderful job and you don't need his undermining.


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