What to do?

[Kate]

Yes, they do have to gather all the evidence they can, and it was the same with my daughter, which was described as "a tricky case" - presumably because it was so hard to gather the evidence due to her being so slippery and manipulative. It's agonising while it's going on - in our case our g/d was with her mother all the time during the core assessment which went on for 5 months, and seeing her go back after weekends here was hell. I do think common sense often goes out of the window during evidence-gathering, prolonging it unnecessarily eg my daughter was clearly not feeding g/d but it wasn't obvious for a while as she was fed at nursery and here at weekends, but the report said that the baby foods in the cupboard were "essentially the same foods" over time, yet still nothing was done, when it was blindingly obvious that she was not feeding her baby as the report also said the workers had often seen my daughter feed herself on their twice-weekly visits, but never seen her feed her baby [V]

Even so, there's little we can do while this process goes on, other than do our part in caring for the children and passing on any and all relevant information, as you are doing. It sounds hopeful to me that your grandson will not go back to his mother, but SS cannot give much away during this process. Keep on hanging in there, we are all with you in spirit.

[yogibear]

Daughter starting to make noises about wanting g/s home, she still hasn't had any test's yet, Not been given an appt with p/doc. We feel her mental health is bad. though her CPN say's she's engaging with the team well. Social Worker has said legally their hands are tied as they have no evidence she is still seeing the b/f, surely the fact she let him anywhere near my g/s is evidence enough? They have said they will write back to Solicitor stating they have no evidence, so how ever much it breaks my heart I can see us having to let him go home...
I have asked for a case planning meeting with P/doc to attend, Is there any thing else I can do? He will be devastated.

Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.

[Kate]

Have you called the helpline, yogibear? If not, I would do this. You could also call the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000 and talk to them about your concerns for your g/s.

If you have any way of finding out any information on contact between your daughter and the obviously very dangerous boyfriend, I personally would use it. I'm afraid I learned to be shamelessly nosy to find out what was going on with my g/d when she was in her mother's care and I recorded whatever I found out. We couldn't have afforded a private investigator, which you mentioned in an earlier post, but I would have used one if we could.

Make sure you get your documentation up to date, including the effect on your g/s of contact with mum last week, and b/f's attempt to talk to g/s on the phone - it's so transparent when this ploy of "getting the children to talk to each other" is used ..

I would seek the advice of FRG and NSPCC as to whether to wait to see what happens next, or to send all, or just relevant bits, of your documentation, to SS, and how to go about if it you do - whether sending it to eg Director of Social Services with copy to others down the line, and social worker at the coal face, or sending it to social worker with copies to the others inc Director.

You could also contact g/son's councillor and MP (he and you may have different political representatives depending where his mother lives so it would need to be those representing him)

I know you're worried sick, but hang in there and keep plugging away at gathering YOUR evidence, if SS don't seem to be doing an adequate job of it. I hope you get the case planning meeting with p/doc present - good for you for asking for it, push it if you have to.

Hang in there.

[yogibear]

What a week (If I was going to have a heart attack, it would have been then) Daughter told Social worker she wanted to resume her relationship with b/f and could we have her son temporarily!!
S/W said No and they would now be supporting us for full residency, daughter said ok, she wouldn't contest as long as she can still see him.
Our Solicitor is asking for emergency hearing next week. On one hand I'm so happy he will now be safe, on the other I'm so ashamed of my daughter, and wonder where the hell I went wrong.


Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.

[Kate]

yogibear, I'm so relieved to hear your g/s will be staying with you [:)]

I'm sorry that your daughter has made this awful choice, but she made the choice, you did not make it for her. You musn't blame yourself - easier said than done, but lousy parents can produce children who grow up into lovely, decent people, and caring, committed parents can produce children who grow up to be feckless, criminal and/or addicted to drugs/alcohol.

I hope you get the chance to unwind and focus on the relief and happiness of knowing your g/s is safe with you.

[yogibear]

Thank - you Kate, and by reading your earlier reply..... looks like you've been through the wringer as well?
Paid our Solicitor a small fortune to-day, but she hopes to have us in court before Christmas. Looks like our only sticking block will be g/s school, it takes me an hour and a half round trip twice a day to get him to his school, ( which I done the whole 9months we had him last time, as we didn't wish him to suffer any further upheaval) This time round Mum is supposed to do it three times a week, but continually texts/rings to say she can't make the morning trip, though has managed every evening one...
We want to transfer him to a local school, do you think they may let us?

Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.

[winni]

Hi Yogibear
I hope all goes well and it will be a great xmas present for you g/s to have the stability of one home.I really think that the school thing needs sorting.If you get an R.O.you will need to balance the choice of a new school with the travelling he has to do to get to his present one.As a matter of interest the county provide a taxi for my daughter at the moment ,due to my poor health.It states on the letter that they try whenever possible to ensure a junior child doesn'travel for more than 45 minutes.So that must mean in their opinion it isn't in a childs interest to travel for more than that amount of time.If you do decide to move him please check the pastoral care at the school.Some schools are a lot better than others.Also if your daughter has to travel it will measure her commitment.Only you know whats best for your grandson.Don't beat yourself up about your daughter.She has had as much help as you can give her.I think it's time to focus your energy on your g/s he is the one who needs you most.You are only human and there is only so far you can stretch yourself.I think you have done all you can for your daughter
Good luck
Winni xx

win

[Kate]

Thank - you Kate, and by reading your earlier reply..... looks like you've been through the wringer as well?

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Yes, yogibear, a lot of us here have been through the wringer one way and another. I do think the most hellish time is when we know this precious child we love so dearly is suffering and we aren't there to protect them, and don't know how it's going to end up - whether they will ever be safe and free from it all.


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Paid our Solicitor a small fortune to-day, but she hopes to have us in court before Christmas.

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That's good - I hope so, what a great Christmas present it would be for you all to have this sorted out.

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Looks like our only sticking block will be g/s school, it takes me an hour and a half round trip twice a day to get him to his school, ( which I done the whole 9months we had him last time, as we didn't wish him to suffer any further upheaval) This time round Mum is supposed to do it three times a week, but continually texts/rings to say she can't make the morning trip, though has managed every evening one...
We want to transfer him to a local school, do you think they may let us?

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Just read Winni's reply and she knows a lot more about it, so I hope you can work this out for the best for your grandson. Good luck [:)]

[yogibear]

Thank - you so much for the help/support/advice.
Reading another post on here has reminded me... we asked for and the Social Worker requested a drug/alcohol/medication test on daughter, over a month ago, I rang S/w to-day and she said they would still be done? She also said she has finished g/s's core assesment? what is a core ass? and the dept would be closing the case as soon as we get residency!!
We are very worried about this, as daughters mental health/ drug and alcohol intake make her very scary. so we foresee many problems in the future? Like tonight, we just got a text saying she cant take him to school in the morning as she has to collect dog from the PDSA at 8am otherwise they will fine her! It's going to be like this daily from now on! ( sorry............ feeling very low tonight, as hubbie is 65 tomorrow and now I have to be up to take g/s to school and not cooking him a nice breakfast in bed)

Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.

[old bear]

hi yogi bear,
so sorry to hear you're feeling so low ~ which is why i'm sending a cheery (65th) birthday message for hubbie and cheery unbirthday message for you.
and i know it's extra hard work for you, but it was good of your daughter to send the special birthday present of ANOTHER failure to take grandson to school ~ each one adds up towards a useful list for you when you go to court ~ and demonstrates her complete inability to "put child's needs first".
i know it's not as good as breakfast in bed ~ but hopefully it comes a close second!
wishing you both grilled bacon and mushrooms and fried egg and tomatoes and buttery toast and marmalade and a grandson in a pear tree,
old bear