What to do?

maricharle
Posts: 60
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 2:06 pm

Re: What to do?

Postby maricharle » Fri Dec 31, 2010 10:55 am

Hi Yogibear, I am glad you and the family had a peaceful christmas you all deserved it. As for your daughter if she is pregnant social services will consider her circumstances.
My daughter went on to successfully parent her second child five years after my grandsons birth. He was taken into care at the age of three months and placed with his other gran who abused him physically and emotionally. Now he is with me and doing well. I wish you a peaceful and happy new year.

yogibear
Posts: 67
Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2009 6:23 pm

Re: What to do?

Postby yogibear » Sun Jan 02, 2011 11:42 am

One of the conditions of contact for my daughter was she isn't allowed to take my g/s any where near the violent b/f. He came home from contact very quiet last night, when I took him to bed.... it all came tumbling out, she had taken him to see b/f, and made him promise not to tell us, but he was so worried, and we have always told him we don't have serious secrets in our house.. She's supposed to have contact tomorrow, but Social Services are closed till Tuesday, so what do I do? she doesn't know we know yet.

Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.
Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.

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ied53
Posts: 2103
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 11:26 pm

Re: What to do?

Postby ied53 » Sun Jan 02, 2011 11:56 am

You cancel the contact or allow it to happen for an arranged time at your home or a venue you choose so you can supervise. If this is not acceptable to "mum" than contact does not go ahead. You are now aware that she is breaching the conditions of the contact if you don't take steps to intervene then you are knowingly allowing the child to be in danger. You would never for give yourself if the child witnessed violence or worse still was the victim of violence. If you don't protect the child the soc servs could step in You can phone the number you have for soc servs that will give you the number for the duty soc worker tell them and what you intend to do about it. Personally I would stop the contact ( and have stopped contact) .. follow the rules or loose....

Irene
Irene
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Tough times never last tough people do

yogibear
Posts: 67
Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2009 6:23 pm

Re: What to do?

Postby yogibear » Sun Jan 02, 2011 4:48 pm

That was basically what we had decided .... thank you, it's just nice to hear from others, so worried all the time, about putting a foot wrong, not with her.... but all the professionals that seem to be involved in our lives now.

Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.
Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.

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ied53
Posts: 2103
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 11:26 pm

Re: What to do?

Postby ied53 » Sun Jan 02, 2011 5:31 pm

I do hope you keep records I had to keep a diary when I fostered them then I opened a new one when I became Special Guardian I record any calls, behavior any gifts etc so I have a that to remind me. I would certainly record all of this You would be more likely to be in trouble for allowing contact in these circumstances if you put the child at risk the soc servs would have reason to question how safe the child is in you care what you don't know is one thing what you do know is another. More importantly the child needs you to protect him he trusts you and told you to allow contact would be to betray this trust and set your relationship back months
By the way you haven't lost your mind you have just had your confidence well and truly dented

Irene
Irene

Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire

Tough times never last tough people do

youngagain
Posts: 172
Joined: Fri Jan 08, 2010 2:50 pm

Re: What to do?

Postby youngagain » Mon Jan 03, 2011 10:28 am

Jumping in a bit late here but here is what I think. I would not allow any contact until the situation is sorted out regarding supervision.The child is going to be and appears to be getting pulled ever where and being confused with loyalties towards his parent.We have a sgo and excersized our rights stopping contact.The father took us to court and it has taken two years for the guardian finally to tell him and write a report stating that he is a risk to the child. So hold your ground. I doubt that ss will be much help, they can blow hot and cold over this issue saying to us on one hand that we have the right and responsibility to protect the child and on the other a responsibility to accommodate supervised contact.As always the ss will probably write something in the file that is unhelpful unless you have a social worker who is a good one.I would draught an agreement setting out contact conditions and not allow contact until the agreement was signed. that way is the agreement is broken you have good cause to stop or suspend contact.I have not read the full post but if the parent has a contact order, this only allows contact should there be no risk to the child and your rights to stop contact in the knowledge of risk override the contact order in our experience although in court it was thrown at us as a way to scare us by the parents barrister amongst other things.A brief reply of "we were exercising our rights to protect the child by virtue of the powers vested in us under our parental rights" sufficed. I hope you do resolve the supervision issu
e. You could ask your solicitor to apply for a prohibitive steps order to stop any risk.Hope I have the correct angle on it best of luck.

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Robin D
Posts: 1848
Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 12:58 pm

Re: What to do?

Postby Robin D » Mon Jan 03, 2011 10:53 am

Somewhat belatedly, can I second Irene's advice to call the duty social worker. They will not know the case, but will log the call. They will also not tell you you must continue contact, indeed are more likely to say call it off until the normal social worker is available. The benefits of getting your call logged are many:
  • It shows you attempted to get some advice.
  • It demonstrates that you are not afraid to 'protect' the child.
  • It will possibly provide you with a 'get out' line when telling Mum contact is off. You can say that you have sought the advice of SS.


Good luck.

Robin

Grandparent carer in Suffolk [:)]
Former F&F carer, foster carer, adopter and respite carer for umpteen children. Now retired and when with kids, making sure they 'go home' at the end of the day.

yogibear
Posts: 67
Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2009 6:23 pm

Re: What to do?

Postby yogibear » Mon Jan 03, 2011 11:01 pm

Thank you all. have been keeping a detailed log of every thing for some time( read it on another page) Phoned Eds to-day and, though she was very non committal, she will at least inform the area office, hopefully.
Though I intend going in myself tomorrow am. I've managed to stall contact till Wed, quite easily, without telling a lie. So by then I should have some clear guidance from S/Services or Solicitor. Fingers crossed. x

Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.
Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.

Kate
Posts: 2444
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2005 5:33 pm

Re: What to do?

Postby Kate » Thu Jan 06, 2011 12:13 am

Yogibear, coming in late but I agree with all that's been said. Good luck and I hope you've been able to get guidance from SS and/or your solicitor by now?

yogibear
Posts: 67
Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2009 6:23 pm

Re: What to do?

Postby yogibear » Thu Jan 06, 2011 11:08 pm

Sorry for the delay in the update... but what a start to the new year. ( Happy new year every one) Went into S/S first thing Mon, and although our case is closed to them, as he is with us, the S/W who has been dealing with us, came out to see us, spoke to my G/s who told her everything, she asked if there was any way we would agree to supervising the contact at our house, till the court case on the 31st, had to say yes, though it is incredibly difficult. Daughter not at all happy, but hay ho!! She has instructed a Solicitor and now intends to fight the r/o. meantime, she has yet again split with b/f and slapped an injuction on him and a molestation order? and made a statement about the domestic violence, he has counter claimed she has been drugging him with her bi polar medication? ( well someone had to be taking it!! lol)
She went into S/s To-day thinking they were going to tell us to hand the lad over as she said sorry and made a mistake, the s/w told her they would be continuing to support us in the application and nothing had changed. So fully expecting her to be back with the b'f shortly.
On a more positive note, he started his new school on Wed, he was very nervous, but really likes it. phew.
Oh and she has pleaded not guilty to her drink driving charge? I really think her mental health is going rapidly down hill with the help of certain substances, so I'm glad contact is only allowed here , and she can't take him in the car, as she is allowed to drive till her court case.

Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.
Of all the things I've lost. I miss my mind the most.


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