do we take on another baby

[jeanp]

we have RO for our gd as paternal grandparents,,, our sons ex girlfriend (not gd mum) is due to have a baby in 6 weeks time but has made it known that she is going to have it "taken away when its born".she is already involved with ss over her other two children,,it turns out, from information from a relative of hers, that there was an ss meeting 2 weeks ago and my son was supposed to have been invited and had said no ( not true!). he knew nothing about a meeting.while he has always been adamant about being involved with the baby he cant be a proper dad to the daughter we look after.our dilema is,, do we take the baby on as it is gds brother or sister, or do we let the baby go for adoption.At the moment emotions are ruling every thought and i cant be practical over it all !!,this will be our grandchild ...what do we do ??????

[Piglets-House]

quote:Originally posted by Piglets-House

quote:Originally posted by Piglets-House

Hi Jean

This is a question I have asked myself because I know another child will be on the horizon. I already have 2 of my niece's children one is 4 the other is 20 months and has been with us since birth. If I were faced with that decision I personally would say no. Because I have no space left in my heart or my house for another child. I suppose everyone's opinion on this will be different but you need decide what is right for you and the family you already have. How will you cope? Can you manage financially? What if the child has problems? You are the only one who can decide what is in your families best interest and don't be pressured into making a rash decision.

[jeanp]

Hi, thank you for your replies,,, still thinking very hard about all this,,,,we only have gd to look after and do still have some energy left[:)], we have the room, as all our children are grown up and left home.We have had gd since birth and wouldnt be without her even though she has just had a dx of autism and mild to moderate learning difficulties,she is both a frustrating and funny individual. the choice we had when she was tiny was to take her on or she goes into care.we have never regretted our choice,,despite our son being a total a******e, it was not her choice to be brought into the world and it would be the same for the new baby.We now think that our son is autistic as gd is such a mini me of her daddy and it was suggested by the consultant that he got tested,, it still doesnt excuse the situation, but whats done is done.i worry that if we cut all ties with this new baby that somewhere in the future gd will question why we have her and not her sibling.I try to sit back and look at things from a distance,, we too are in our late 50's, in fairly good health (at the moment [:p])and do have good support from our daughters,financially we will never be well off but manage with what we get,,,.

[babylove]

it sounds to me that you have already decided on what you want to do but havent the courage to admit it to yourself.

[jeanp]

Hi,, just cant decide what is best,im beginning to think that it would be best to keep right out of it as much as we want to consider the baby.Just had a big row because we wont support our son going for Ro of this baby,we have been accused of taking over and telling him what to do all the time and that we dont give him the chance to have his daughter, he can be really hurtful at times.This is the "man" that sits on our settee playing with his phone or messing on his laptop the whole time he visits,whose car and friends come first.He shouted at me, then had the nerve to say "dont complain then when your grandchild is taken into care ,then adopted ".Dont know where we went wrong with him,,i am so angry i could hit him,, told him to leave my house if he was going to keep shouting....It,s a good job he doesnt live with us !!!!

[babylove]

thats about right, they screw up then try and make you feel guilty. please think this through and dont get intimidated by your son.
by the way you did not do anything wrong with him its just him properly getting mixed up with the wrong crowd as my daughter did the same. when my daughter visits i put the lap-top away and ask her not to use her phone though that bit does fall on deaf ears lol as she has to answer as its always important (more important than her children)
best wishes and good luck in whatever you decide to do

[Yorks Rose]

quote:Originally posted by ied53

why is it always our fault? But for you the other child would have been adopted you are NOT the wrong doer you are the cavalry. Why should and would you support an RO for a person that thinks more of a laptop then a child. I was told by our sons ex thanks to me she had lost four children didn't know her until number 4 was due. Stuff em. Until they can accept the responsibility for their actions they are not mature enough for children.

Irene


Exactly! Surely it's his responsibility to ensure that his partners DON'T GET PREGNANT in the first place! He shouldn't be resorting to emotional blackmail instead he should be seeking the snip! Don't be brow-beaten into making decisions, I know it's incredibly hard but it's a decision only you and your husband can make. Stay strong x

[mama t]

i have just gone through this process myself and i made the decision not to have anymore babies in our home not because i don't love this baby with all my heart but because the grandchildren i have already got need more of me than i have got to give already and i am not willing to stretch any thiner to cover up my childrens mistakes. your son needs to pull himself together and remember who you are and show you some respect you need to think seriously about what YOU FEEL CAPABLE of providing for this new baby.
i have lost two grandchildren to adoption and at the time i was devastated i have now moved on from that although i love them all with all my heart i believe that one day as adults the will come to see us. In the mean time they came into the world to make a couple who couldn't have babies and who would love and care for them happy and conplete. Please remember toput you and yours first.

mama t
www.whyitsallaboutthem.com

[nanaJ]

What a lovely post Mama T. We have also decided that we could not take on another grandchild and that if we are continually dragged back to court again and again with our eldest grandchild, can we carry on.

Our daughter is going through a period of turmoil again and we have decided to distance ourselves as we are tired.

I know in my heart that your grandchildren will come back to you. I am adopted myself and it has always been my wish to be reunited with my biological family although sadly this was not to be.