Anyone any ideas on what you say to a 13 year-old on a RO when they say 'you don't love me because you refuse to adopt me'! Rational explanations just don't pass muster.
I know there are no effective answers apart from reassurance, but it still left me flummoxed for a few seconds.
Grandparent carer in Suffolk [:)]
Impossible answer!
Impossible answer!
Former F&F carer, foster carer, adopter and respite carer for umpteen children. Now retired and when with kids, making sure they 'go home' at the end of the day.
Re: Impossible answer!
We have thought about adoption but have been told we cannot due to the close family relationship (ie it would make her father her brother etc....) and thats why the SGO was agreed upon - its the next thing to adoption.
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We are the only ones who make life difficult...
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We are the only ones who make life difficult...
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Grandparent Carer with SGO
Grandparent Carer with SGO
Re: Impossible answer!
dear robin,
... and then when you've said what ied and cellbar suggest, if s/he still isn't convinced you could suggest making a new application, sharing, and allowing input at every step of the process, until it becomes clear that adoption isn't an option and it isn't/wasn't your choice.
good luck ~ thirteen-year-olds have to go through the process, and without wishing to seem mean to you, i think the teenage angst thing is worse! (lol)
best wishes to you all
old bear
... and then when you've said what ied and cellbar suggest, if s/he still isn't convinced you could suggest making a new application, sharing, and allowing input at every step of the process, until it becomes clear that adoption isn't an option and it isn't/wasn't your choice.
good luck ~ thirteen-year-olds have to go through the process, and without wishing to seem mean to you, i think the teenage angst thing is worse! (lol)
best wishes to you all
old bear
Re: Impossible answer!
Oh yes....... Many a teenage through our hands with many a problem.
I'm not making another application ....... I haven't finished paying for the last one yet! Five years on. [:(]
Grandparent carer in Suffolk [:)]
I'm not making another application ....... I haven't finished paying for the last one yet! Five years on. [:(]
Grandparent carer in Suffolk [:)]
Former F&F carer, foster carer, adopter and respite carer for umpteen children. Now retired and when with kids, making sure they 'go home' at the end of the day.
Re: Impossible answer!
So very hard isn't it!
Our 16 yr old who lives semi-independently elsewhere with her baby, is only just now making comments about what she put us through and how awful her behaviours could be at times when she became a teenager.
When we see each other nowadays she is affectionate and loving to us.
When we put forward for adoption some years back we had a sw come round and say to her that adoption means her brother would not be her brother, her mother would not be her mother, her nana would not be her nana ...... she cried!!
The Legal Guardian from Cafcass wrote that adoption was in the interests of her younger sister - with us from the age of 18 months and now 10, yet of course we could not consider that we had different Orders for each of our girls. We have an SGO for both.
It is such a mess. When children are removed for CP reasons and the LAC status is skipped, it also leads to not accessing some available services.
IF I knew then what I have learnt since, then things would be approached differently. Our girls are daughters of a former foster child.
Yet the care, love and nurturing we have provided over the past 8+ years would have been the same.
Don't know how our 10 yr old will be in teens - we are all she has known in terms of memory, but her life story holds threads to other people and places.
Thinking of you,
Johanna
Our 16 yr old who lives semi-independently elsewhere with her baby, is only just now making comments about what she put us through and how awful her behaviours could be at times when she became a teenager.
When we see each other nowadays she is affectionate and loving to us.
When we put forward for adoption some years back we had a sw come round and say to her that adoption means her brother would not be her brother, her mother would not be her mother, her nana would not be her nana ...... she cried!!
The Legal Guardian from Cafcass wrote that adoption was in the interests of her younger sister - with us from the age of 18 months and now 10, yet of course we could not consider that we had different Orders for each of our girls. We have an SGO for both.
It is such a mess. When children are removed for CP reasons and the LAC status is skipped, it also leads to not accessing some available services.
IF I knew then what I have learnt since, then things would be approached differently. Our girls are daughters of a former foster child.
Yet the care, love and nurturing we have provided over the past 8+ years would have been the same.
Don't know how our 10 yr old will be in teens - we are all she has known in terms of memory, but her life story holds threads to other people and places.
Thinking of you,
Johanna
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