court next week

[lilyjo777]

Hi For the last 3 years i have had ro for my 3year old gd. Next week i am back in court because her dad wants gd to live with him9 her mum my daughter died 3 years ago ). Dads been drug free for the last 9 months but still drinks. I know that my gd will be returned to dad who will make it difficult for us to see her. Cafcass and gd guardian believe that chidren should be with parent so i have no chance. Cafcass report was supposed to be with court by oct 4 but he only came to see us today for 30 minutes. I do not know how we will cope. I would love to hear from someone else who has been throug similar. Will i have to hand gd over straight away can i appeal against decision. i have had 5 appointment cancelled by my barristetr can never get hold of solicitor, I do not know what to do next Thanks for any advice

[Cellbar]

Lillyjo777

You really need legal advice - I suggest you call into the FRG helpline initially - we are in a similar situation where we are having contact forced upon us and the grandchild which we are dead set against, and this is a question I would like answered too - can we appeal any decision made by the court that we are not happy with?

I cannot see how anyone can be forced into something that is going to impact so dramatically on someones life - they don't own you do they?!

I have found the grandparents association another source of support, you might try them too.

Good luck.

_________________________________
We are the only ones who make life difficult...

[Help 1870]

Im shocked that a guardian is recommending return to parents of a child who has been with you all of her short life. 9 months is not a long enough time off the drugs to be sure that dad has mended his ways, and as hes still drinking its an indicator that he doesnt have his addictions under control

Are you sure you heard the Guardian correctly?

Dont give up and be of the view this child is going back just yet. Its not all over.

You do need some serious legal help though. Ring the Solicitor again, and if they dont ring back keep ringing and leaving messages till they do. Id be thinking to sack her/him.

If you get through this, consider making an application for SGO instead of the RO you already have, it will give you much more security.

[David Roth]

The decision should be made on the basis of what is best for the child. If the child has been with you for three years, is settled with you and attached to you, then there wojld have to be very good grounds for disrupting this.

Last year, a grandmother with a residence order who had been raising a child for over three years won a judgment in the supreme court, overturning an appeal court ruling. The appeal court ruling had resulted in the boy moving to his father, but the supreme court's judgment meant that he returned to his grandmother.

Among the reasons given for the judgment was the following:
"Any discussion of a child

[lilyjo777]

Hi thank you all for your advice. I looked up you referred to, I rung cafcass and told him about it and offered him a copy but he did not seem interested. I always found him difficult to speak to. I tried again to speak to my solicitor today but she was in court. Left a message for her. She was the one who told me that the cafcass and gd solicitor were in favour of children being with dad if mum was not around. They both of them were in favour of dad having over night contact with gd even though he was still takin g drugs. We have not got a sw because i took my grandddaughter after her mum died because dad never wanted her. I also have gds 16 year old brother living with me ( they have different dads ). Gd dad has an illness ( hep c ) which he refuses treatment for because it means that he would have to give up drinking and smoking for 6 months. He admitted to cafcass that he as no complaints about the way we are bringing up gd but that he is the dad and he should be bringing her up. I know he will get ro. I feel really unwell at the moment . All i can think of from the time i wake up is this court case.

[Help 1870]

If the Guardian is taking no notice of the arguments David has shown then your solicitor/barrister should be putting them forward to the judge to make him aware. The childrens solicitor should be aware of this information too.

You may have to seriously consider changing solicitors, even at this late stage. You want one that if residence does change in court they are capable of lauching an immediate appeal to a higher court. I had a solicitor who spent an extroadinary amount of time in court, but he always managed to return calls, even if it was in the evening or on a weekend.

As David has said, they would need very, very good grounds for disrupting this placement and the childs attachments and placing the child into the unknown. Id be asking what those grounds are. Its the Guardians duty to act in the best interests of the child, they need to justify where/how its in the childs best interest.

[old bear]

hi lily,
i hear no singing.
i see no fat lady.
do you even know that he really wants his daughter at this stage, or is he being carried along by "the next step in whoever's in charge of his 'nine months off drugs' thing"?
from what you've said, you've got just about everything on your side
~ father has shown no interest for three years, only "off drugs" for nine months (ie potentially about to go back on them again), still "on alcohol" (a drug) anyway, unprepared to resolve his own health issues properly, presumably has no real idea of how to care for his daughter properly, certainly has no concept of putting her needs first
~ you've cared for your granddaughter for three years and all is well
= i think your first problem is lack of support from your solicitor ~ as already suggested, you need to find out whether s/he is really an expert in this area of law. you could also write a letter to her/him, pointing out that you've had five cancellations from your barrister, phone calls not returned from her, and the uncertainty is causing you considerable stress and worry; and asking her to phone you immediately to explain the position (and if she doesn't, i think it gives you an answer about whether or not she's the right solicitor for you).
= also you need to gather your strength for whatever fight may be to come. i'm thinking you may be so bowed down by the weight of it all that you can't see the wood for the trees. cafcass and guardian can believe all they like that "children should be with parent" ~ but that didn't happen, father was not up to the job. and anyone who thinks that the first step would be for father to have overnight contact needs their head examining!
= you need a plan of action. phone the frg advice line - 0808 801 0366, open 10.00 to 3.30 monday to friday. change solicitors if necessary. keep (or make) a record of everything that's happened with father up to this point. speak to your doctor about how you're feeling health-wise. keep clicking on this site, for strenght and ideas from people who've been through it themselves.
best wishes and much strength,
old bear

[lilyjo777]

Thank you old bear for your advice. I finally heard from my solicitors secretary today. My husband took the call. WE were told that there was no need for us to go to court on Thursday that the solicitors for both sides would be going but that i had to wait by the phone in case she needed to speak to me. I rang her when i got home but she was in court. I am going to ring the help line tomorrow need advice desperate. I am too frightened to go to doctors because other sides solicitors want my medical records and i dont want them knowing how down i feel. The only problem they really have with us is our ages i am 59 my husband is 64. Neither of us have any major health problems .

[Auntie Lynsey]

Dear lilyjo777,

Yours is one of the saddest posts I've read. It must feel so desperate, losing a child.

If I was a judge I would not overturn your residence order. 9 months is not long to be off drugs, and we only have dads word for it. It takes years to turn your life around, if ever. Your little one has been sett;ed with you for so long. Again, given what you have said, I would never overturn that residence order.

Sorry I cannot offer more but I will be thinking of you and hope you let us know how you are.

[lilyjo777]

Thank you Aunty Lynsey for your kind words. .If we loose our gd it will be like loosing her mum all over again. She was never a replacement for her mum. She is her own little person a delight. She hates going to her dads. We encourage her to go because we know that she needs to know her dad. We have told cafcass but because of her age no one wants to listen to her. Thankfully she loves her other grandmother who she sees when she visits dad. Her dads been on drugs for 30 years.he was violent towards my daughter (proof from womens aide}.Cafcass say that all that is past and we must look to the future but what kind of future does a little girl have with a control freak like him(i was not allowed to see or speak to my daughter in the 2 years she was with him.} We made up a week before my daughter died She was planning to move in with us that week but sadly she died.Dad had a chance to take gd then but he was so out of it he told me to take gd and that he would take the dog ( i took both) He tells so many lies he told cafcass that my daughter was put into care as a child because i was violent towards her - proved to be untrue- accused my husband of raping my daughter in front of my grandson who was 11 at the time - untrue as my grandson said his mother would had killed my husband if he tried to touch her. I feel shattered all i want is the court case to be over. we all need an ending to this. Residence Orders are a waste of time and money. Over the last 3 years we have paid out thousands of pounds while he gets legal aide. Sorry for rabbitting on but besides huddy i have no one else to talk to