Trampled all over!

User avatar
ied53
Posts: 2121
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 11:26 pm

Re: Trampled all over!

Postby ied53 » Sun Nov 28, 2010 8:48 am

You are not being a wuss. You are a lone person caring for a child. The child and you were forced to co-operate and then left alone. Allowing the fear to build up (what if scenario)This is a tactic loan sharks use. Personally I would involve the police to. Do you still have social worker involvement? If so phone the duty social worker line to report this. If you haven't got one get a chain fitted and use it.
Intimidation, bulling, belittling. This is emotional abuse. Time to kick ass.

Irene
Irene
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Tough times never last tough people do

User avatar
Help 1870
Posts: 914
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 9:54 am

Re: Trampled all over!

Postby Help 1870 » Sun Nov 28, 2010 11:49 am


I agree with fitting a security chain if you dont already have one.

I also agree with contacting the police, you dont have to make a formal complaint, you just need to ask for general advice as to what to do, (that often works best actually) Explain the situation regarding the child, its in the hands of solicitors, and tell them you felt incredibly uncomfortable and intimadated. Ask them what they advise, they may send someone out to take a statement and may send someone to visit them just to give them a friendly warning, this may be enough to rein them in a bit.

Just dont do nothing or they will think they can get away with this kind of behaviour and will do it again, probably increasing the intimidation as they go. The fairly new anti harassment act was brought in to prevent this, they get one warning, if they ignore that, its arrest.

nanaJ
Posts: 117
Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:11 pm

Re: Trampled all over!

Postby nanaJ » Sun Nov 28, 2010 12:39 pm

It is important you take some action. Please notify the police and get a log number. I put up with this for a long time but eventually it really got out of hand. I won't go into detail, but it resulted in the police fitting a panic alarm in our home.

I don't think they fit these lightly, and I think they looked into the background of those who were intimidating me.

I think they need a letter asking them not to call unannounced at the house. Otherwise you will be on edge over Christmas, which should be a peaceful family time for you and your nephew.

They are playing with your head.

youngagain
Posts: 172
Joined: Fri Jan 08, 2010 2:50 pm

Re: Trampled all over!

Postby youngagain » Sun Nov 28, 2010 2:12 pm

Hi just thought I would chip in. I had the same sort of thing going on.

If you call the police then that is a good idea but unless they threaten you or do something then there is little they can do. I fitted a large dummy security camera with a flashing LED on it so anyone approaching my house is aware they are being filmed. then I fitted a passive infra red detector with a small floodlight on it next to the camera. Anyone coming to my door now is illuminated and thinks they are being watched and it has stopped any unwelcome visitors. I also fitted a blue flashing light but I have yet to integrate it in to a sensor at the top of the drive. the thinking is that in the hours of darkness, anyone coming to my house will activate the blue strobe light.These intimidates them measures intimidate anyone up to no good and can have good results. The cameras are about

Aunty Lucy
Posts: 328
Joined: Thu Apr 17, 2008 6:52 pm

Re: Trampled all over!

Postby Aunty Lucy » Sun Nov 28, 2010 10:06 pm

Thank you all for the advice, I was really shaken up last night and i really do appreciate you all being here!

My house is a terrace and theres a baby next door and little ones on the other side, so lights and alarms aren't really practical to be honest.

I have good locks and a chain, and also a big protective dog, but she'd get the blame if she protected us I'm sure!

What I need is to get the message into their heads that me and my nephew won't be intimidated. I don't know how to do that. My mum suggested that I sit down and talk with the Nutty One, but I've tried that before and she just hears what she wants and manipulates everything else to suit herself. My solicitor suggested mediation, but as we live so far apart it will cost me too much, and if the Nutty one knows that she will drag it out as far as she can to make it cost more.

I'm going to ring her this week and arrange for my nephew to go next weekend, regardless of what she and her husband have been doing he hasn't seen his nan for weeks. I would hate that if it was my mum (although he usually doesn't see her because he's too busy going to see the nutty one!)
After that he will go as usual on Boxing Day, not decided yet how long for this year, probably just a couple of days.

That is for his benefit not theirs, he's asked me today when he can go, and I said I don't know but I'll see what I can sort out.

I also need a good appointment with my solicitor again, after I've had time to think seriously about how things are going to go from now on.

old bear
Posts: 356
Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 3:21 pm

Re: Trampled all over!

Postby old bear » Mon Nov 29, 2010 1:47 am

hi aunty lucy,
after i rear your posts last night i wrote one that seems to have got lost somewhere (some poor innocent somewhere got it?). anyway, it seems everyone else has said most of what i wanted to say ~ so really i must now just add my strength and solidarity for you.
but then i read your last post, and i'm a bit concerned that if they indimidate you on saturday night and then on monday you say "yes you can see nephew next weekend" ~ it sends the wrong message.
can you say to nephew "you can see her as soon as you like, once you've worked out your new football routine" ~ encouragement for him to go ahead, and buys you just a little more time?
good luck and best wishes and all the best,
old bear

User avatar
ied53
Posts: 2121
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 11:26 pm

Re: Trampled all over!

Postby ied53 » Mon Nov 29, 2010 4:49 pm

Best way to show you have not been intimidated is to deal with it. Speak to the police get an incident number. This shows you are not afraid to sort things a letter from your solicitor quote the polioce incident number not only is that proving a point it is more evidence for you. Whether or not you already were going to sort a visit they didn't know that so to go a head and do it shows you can be intimidated as far as they are concerned. Is nephew wanting to go or has the visit frightened him so he says he wants to go. or does he feel guilty at the fattening inapproriate choccies or is he protecting you I think old bears words as usual are very wise. You still have time to sort boxing day visit.

Irene
Irene

Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire

Tough times never last tough people do

Aunty Lucy
Posts: 328
Joined: Thu Apr 17, 2008 6:52 pm

Re: Trampled all over!

Postby Aunty Lucy » Mon Nov 29, 2010 10:18 pm

Old Bear and Irene, you're both right. Thank you. I have lots to think about, and I need to think hard because she really is nutty and doesn't listen to anything but her own head. If I do nothing things wont change and I'll only have myself to blame.

Aunty Lucy
Posts: 328
Joined: Thu Apr 17, 2008 6:52 pm

Re: Trampled all over!

Postby Aunty Lucy » Mon Nov 29, 2010 11:21 pm

My head's well messed up. Going to take a few days and think.
Especially now I've just seen the nutty one has a facebook account since 17th November, with one friend, guess who? (it's not me!)

winni
Posts: 1019
Joined: Tue Apr 04, 2006 10:34 pm

Re: Trampled all over!

Postby winni » Wed Dec 01, 2010 2:48 pm

I would just like to add that harrasment can and is usually taken very seriously.It certainly was in my experience.I agree that it does send out a clear message to the offender.One, that you take it seriously enough to report it, and two it will be logged and will go against the offender in any future intimidation.
I hope they back off and you get the peace you deserve.You have all my sympathy as I have experienced a similar situation.Please take comfort in the fact that this will probably ease in time.Once people know they can't change things or have all their own way they usually get on with their lives and find 'other fish to fry'
winnni xx


win
win


Return to “Archive”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests