how old is too old

[keziah]

I am 61 and my husband 69 our daughter has a 3 month old child in the care of the LA. We have had viability checks to help support our daughter her partner and the little one accomodating them. These are all positive but they are not recommending because of age as child may be bereaved in her childhood or early teenage years. We have a residency order on our daughters older child who is 8.please could someone tell us if there is a upper limit on age. We are both fit and healthy.

[Kate]

Hi Keziah, and welcome to the forum.

I don't know if relatives can be excluded due to age in this way, but it seems a shame if this was the case for you when you already have the 8-year old on an RO, so would be able to keep the siblings together.

I hope you will be able to convince the LA that it would be in the baby's interests to be with you and so to remain in the family. Do you have any other adult children, or other relatives, who might be able to take on the care of this baby (and your 8-year old grandchild) if this proved necessary? If so, that would hopefully provide strong backing for you taking on the baby too. If not, it is possible that a younger relative could take on the baby to keep him/her in the family?

[old bear]

hi keziah, and welcome.
this question of age has come up many times on this forum, and no one has yet come up with an absolute upper limit ~ but it seems that many grandparents have managed to leap through the required burning hoops who may be younger than you but not in such good health. the one thing we all know about is that soc servs can be very off-putting ~ perhaps to test your mettle as you will surely have it tested by the children themselves as the years go by. if you want to look after the new baby, and feel up to it, then perhaps you should treat ss attitude like a test and don't "buy into" it.
meanwhile kate's advice about having a "plan b" in position is good, and would show you've thought things through both for baby and her older sister.
good luck with those hoops
old bear

[keziah]

Thankyou for your kind replies. We have put forward another family member to have the viability checks should we suffer ill health. This they appear reluctant to do. We have fostered for many years now retired.We have already discusssed with family members the care of the 8 year old should it be needed. Would it be recommended we seek legal advice on this matter?We would really appreciate advice.It does appear there is no upper age limit it depends on your local Social Services. K

[Muspark]

I should think that as long as you go for the medical and pass there should be no reason to not let you take on the new child. If you were both bedbound with no support then yes but that is clearly not the case.

It should be in the childs best interest to stay within the family and that would mean being with you. Especially as you have a sibling already.

I suggest calling the FRG helpline asap and get some legal advice too as this does not sound correct to me. 61 does not sound old to me anyway! My mother is almost 60 and my Dad 65,the are the only people I would want my children going to if anything happened to me and my husband.

[keziah]

Thankyou Muspark for your advice we have decided to seek legal help and will call FRG. We are really distressed that we are not being condidered for the little one purely on age.K

[fatcat]

so far as i know there is no legal age limit. however so far as adoption goes, there seems to be a loose ball park figure of no more than 45 years between the adopter and the child. this is becasue as child has already suffered the loss of birth parents, and ss are keen to avoid situations that make it less likely for the adopters to see the child through to adulthood and beyond.

obviously in r and f cases its a bit different, becasue there are many grandparent carers who are older that the 45 year gap. however the ss do consider the futrue as well as the here and now and that would consider the fact that you and your partner would be 75 and 83 when the hcild hits that wonderful and special age of 14, just the age to rebel, slam doors, push boundaries, and that's without the arguments about clothes, money and smoking, alcohol and homework.

at 61 the enegry levels atre still reasonably high and up to a certain age, the kids that we have are pretty manageable. i'm 50 and with the 10 and 7 year old grandchildren i'm almost ready for bed before they are.

I'm certainly not going to get into the whole thing of how the children will feel growing up with old 'parents' because that is irrelevant, however, it might be worth consdiering how you might be feeling 15 years down the line.

[keziah]

Thankyou fatcat for your kind advice. We realise we are not getting any younger and had put forward another member of family to be assessed in the future should the need arise. We have heard today that ss are now willing to do assessments on our daughter and her partner at our home. 3 hours a day 3 days a week in the hope they can prove themselves. We are thrilled they are being given a chance. Thankyou to all those who responded to our call for help. K