ashamed and disgusted

[Muspark]

I think Fatcat has hit a very raw nerve here. We all seem to struggle with money and the fact is that you rarely buy a Grandchild, niece, nephew etc the same as you would buy you own children.

In our situations things are very different and not as clear cut. We are acting as Parents too and as a parent to five children now instead of four it is extremely difficult... I would never dream of giving my J less than I give the other children when in reality if he lived with his Mother he would get a

[spice]

quote:Originally posted by ied53

here here Muspark well said.

Irene


Yes, well said Muspark I agree

[Kate]

Another agreeing with Muspark.

Fatcat, I hope you haven't been to shocked by the strength of this response. I'm sure no one wants there to be any bad feeling, and I too hope we can move on. Hopefully you'll feel able to venture back to this thread without fear of us jumping down your throat [;)]

[David Roth]

Just to try and move the discussion on a bit ...

I think Muspark is right that fatcat seems to have hit a raw nerve, and I think the raw nerve is the concern about being seen as 'money-grabbing'.

I think that the reason this is striking a raw nerve is that many (but far from all) local authority workers do have the attitude that relatives should not be paid for raising their kin. When they think this, even if they don't say so openly to you, it comes across in their dealings with you. Most of you are already struggling to deal with a lot of major events in your lives - the problems of your son/daughter/brother/sister/etc, concern over your grandchild, adjusting to a new way of life with a child in it, managing all the extra expenses that go with having a child, dealing with difficult contact issues, etc. The fact that in the midst of all this someone might see you as 'money grabbing' is something I imagine you could well do without.

Perhaps fatcat felt there was an implication that receiving an allowance to buy Christmas presents meant she would not have bought them unless given the money to do so? However, when you are actually raising a child, Christmas becomes a far more expensive business than it does when you are a non-caring auntie/grandma/grandad. I honestly think that most carers I have known have spent far more on the children at this time than they were given as an allowance, where they did receive the winter holiday allowance.

David R
FRG Policy Adviser

[Kate]

Thanks David for a very thoughtful and helpful post.

[Auntie Lynsey]

It is true to say that many of us do not want to be seen to be like the people who's children we generally have care of. Usually the children come from homes where parents were claiming benefits and doing nothing for anyone but themselves.

As a very independant person, I was worried about being tarred with the same brush as my sister who does nothing but ponce off people all the time.

I had to ask for help though as I could not physically look after a child and still work and still pay the bills. So I went part time to look fater child but had the additional expense of a mouth to feed and still have the same mortgage to pay. It was difficult to ask for help, again feeling guilty that you can not physically provide everything or feeling if it was thought you could not manage financially would the child be sent elsewhere.

[Aunty Lucy]

My brother used to 'spread the word' that I only had his son living with me because I got

[youngagain]

Well said David R , iF YOU DONT WANT TO BE SEEN OR FEEL LIKE YOU ARE ASKING THE l.a. to provide presents then buy your own. Keep the L.A. money and put it in to a svings account for when the child is older and needs it. I am not sure if paying foster carers this allowance and not kinship/special guardians is legal as it strikes me as discrimatory.?[:)]

[Diane]

I am a kinship carer and recieve these allowances,you dont apply they are paid a couple of weeks before birthday/christmas.

Its not just for presents,it can cover say a party which i know i dont contribute to my other granddaughters in any way.This year it will be at build a bear and costs

[ajc]

Hi
Well I dont get any such allowances for our two on SGO because I work, and (if I read it correctly)I know we could not possibly afford to pay for a party at build a bear at