We have always been involved in the lives of the children of our former foster daughter, and around ten years ago her life was very much on a downward spiral. She was told in 2002 that her children would be put for adoption if family/friend members did not step in.
The girls came to live with us in March 2002 - at first we were paid a sum equivalent to fostering less Child Allowance. This continued till I returned to work 4 months later, then ceased.
One child was nearly 8 and her sister was 18 months old when they came.
We were supported to get a RO in Nov 2002. There was not and never has been any time that birth parents contributed financially. We were given an allowance of
Update
Re: Update
Oh Johanna, I'm so sorry to hear of all that's happened, and how your girl and all of you have been so badly let down. It makes me furious that SS have dared to criticise you after all you have done. It's sickening that they are being dictated to by a child (they probably call her an adult, that would be typical) and she will probably think it's great, because she can run rings round them - meantime you two see the damage that's being done to her, and the baby, by them allowing her to get away with so much.
There should definitely be provision for the vulnerable. When we went through our complaint I listed all the needs our g/d might have as she grows - nothing was ever said or done to cover for any eventuality - our greatest need at the time was the nursery funding so we focussed our energies on that - and we have no illusions. Our daughter, like your foster daughter, was damaged by her life before she came to us, and frankly I hold SS responsible for much that has happened with her. Your foster daughter was much older when she came to you and SS in my opinion bear a heavy responsibility towards her and now to her baby.
Strange, I thought of you just this week and wondered how things were.
This must have taken a huge toll of you and your husband - I hope you can have less stress and pain, and time to heal.
There should definitely be provision for the vulnerable. When we went through our complaint I listed all the needs our g/d might have as she grows - nothing was ever said or done to cover for any eventuality - our greatest need at the time was the nursery funding so we focussed our energies on that - and we have no illusions. Our daughter, like your foster daughter, was damaged by her life before she came to us, and frankly I hold SS responsible for much that has happened with her. Your foster daughter was much older when she came to you and SS in my opinion bear a heavy responsibility towards her and now to her baby.
Strange, I thought of you just this week and wondered how things were.
This must have taken a huge toll of you and your husband - I hope you can have less stress and pain, and time to heal.
Re: Update
Thank you Kate for your kind wishes.
Yes it has been a difficult time for us - her pregnancy was awful as she was constantly sick and there was all the worry of swine flu, but even so the SSD managed to make recent months every bit as bad.
Like I said, Kate, I don't have answers but surely, surely there should be help for the many children nowadays with such bad experiences of childhood. The families who offer themselves as carers should be assisted and there should be a better and less stressful way of complaining about poor social work, so that there is greater accountability and openness .... it seems to be a real failing of the system that poor and inaccurate report writing is allowed; I am sure that in other areas there would be cases for libel.
We need our energies for living and getting on with life - we have none left for complaints. I wish there was an independent body (with teeth) who would take on our complaints.
Johanna x
Yes it has been a difficult time for us - her pregnancy was awful as she was constantly sick and there was all the worry of swine flu, but even so the SSD managed to make recent months every bit as bad.
Like I said, Kate, I don't have answers but surely, surely there should be help for the many children nowadays with such bad experiences of childhood. The families who offer themselves as carers should be assisted and there should be a better and less stressful way of complaining about poor social work, so that there is greater accountability and openness .... it seems to be a real failing of the system that poor and inaccurate report writing is allowed; I am sure that in other areas there would be cases for libel.
We need our energies for living and getting on with life - we have none left for complaints. I wish there was an independent body (with teeth) who would take on our complaints.
Johanna x
Re: Update
I agree with every word, Johanna. I well remember your advice to take notes at SS meetings - I think it was around the time of our g/ds initial CP conference and I was very thankful for it because I made sure to take comprehensive notes. When the SS minutes came through I was astonished that, considering there was someone there whose sole job was to take minutes of the conference, there was so much inaccuracy. As it happened there wasn't anything that threatened the outcome, it was just a case of shoddiness and ineffiency, but it's obvious that too often this can have a disastrous effect.
Since I posted earlier I remembered a conversation with a support after adoption worker who's an excellent social worker. I was talking about the need for support for those of us who are bringing up the children of children we have adopted, and the need for these (grand)children whose parents proved too damaged to bring them up themselves. She didn't see it as the role of SAA to take on the "next generation." But if not them, who else? I'm well aware that their resources are always stretched to the limit, but I think their remit should include families and situations like ours, and yours. So many adoptions nowadays are of very damaged children. I suspect time will show that a significant minority (maybe more) will be unable to parent when they have children, and that role will then fall to their adoptive parents. I know you and Robin have taken on the children of foster children, and I wonder how many of us here are bringing up the children of children we adopted or fostered, who proved incapable of bringing up their own children.
Since I posted earlier I remembered a conversation with a support after adoption worker who's an excellent social worker. I was talking about the need for support for those of us who are bringing up the children of children we have adopted, and the need for these (grand)children whose parents proved too damaged to bring them up themselves. She didn't see it as the role of SAA to take on the "next generation." But if not them, who else? I'm well aware that their resources are always stretched to the limit, but I think their remit should include families and situations like ours, and yours. So many adoptions nowadays are of very damaged children. I suspect time will show that a significant minority (maybe more) will be unable to parent when they have children, and that role will then fall to their adoptive parents. I know you and Robin have taken on the children of foster children, and I wonder how many of us here are bringing up the children of children we adopted or fostered, who proved incapable of bringing up their own children.
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