child not returned after access visit

Kate
Posts: 2444
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2005 5:33 pm

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby Kate » Thu Jul 08, 2010 1:16 pm

Nett, what a horrible situation for you. David's post is excellent and I hope it helps you to get all your thoughts in order so you can consider this realistically as well as going with what your heart tells you to do. It is vital to be aware of the massive disruption that taking on traumatised children can cause to a family, and the threat it can cause to the wellbeing of the children already in the family. I'm sure you know all this already, but sometimes we need to stop and consider it from all angles.

I am wondering what the evidence is for the children being so traumatised, and whether it's believed that the very young ones are going to present with trauma which is going to be very difficult to manage and get them through. I can see that if there are major concerns about the older children it could a major issue for your own children, but is it believed that the little ones would cause serious disruption to the family? I'm not saying babies and very young children can't be severely traumatised, causing them longterm damage, because they certainly can. But they are not as likely to be a threat to your own children's wellbeing, provided your children accept that these little ones would need a great deal of your time and care.

As regards the older children, I think you may have said in an earlier post on the forum that you have had the children for holidays? If so, you know them and you know what their issues are likely to be. OK, children can behave very differently on holidays and in the short term than they might when they are permanently within the family, but even so you should have some idea of the challenges they might present you all with.

Sending good thoughts to you as you grapple with all this between now and tomorrow. It is an agonising position to be in.


nett
Posts: 54
Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 3:11 pm

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby nett » Fri Jul 09, 2010 10:05 pm

hi all and thanx for your comments ,the older boy has said that he wishes to stay with mum as he will b 15 in september ,the girl is 13 and she has said to s/s and guardian that she wants to come to live with us , the children from my point of view are not as bad as s/s are saying and have never caused us any trouble , he is very bitter as he needs a man figure and he is close to my husband , and the girl is very close to me , as we are them , the younger ones are young enough to ajust and with love and attention i dont think that they will miss their mum very much , my children know the situation and are happy to have the children with us ,we have just moved yesterday also to a 5 bed 4 bathroom property so as the children have more space and privacy to allow them to escape to somewhere quiet if needs be , they are also saying that as my husband had a breakdown 10yrs ago and did turn to drink ,but has not drank for 8yrs or more that this may affect him ,the breakdown was due to him losing his sister very unexpectidly and suddenly ,she was the one who had residence of the older children ,when she died they were returned back to mother , we have phoned the solicitor today and asked him to go ahead with things , and independant assessment etc ,then at least we have done all we can , we have nothing to lose by doing this , we shall have to wait and see the outcome of this , then we will have to consider options further if not successful , and keep fighting the motto being where theres a will theres a way , sorry this is so long people hope you get a better picture and thank you all for your support xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

nett
Posts: 54
Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 3:11 pm

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby nett » Tue Jul 13, 2010 7:17 pm

hi all just to let you know we have another appointment with solicitor on thursday to fill in means test papers , then we can apply to proceedings and ask judge for an independant assessment . hopefully all goes well

Kate
Posts: 2444
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2005 5:33 pm

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby Kate » Tue Jul 13, 2010 8:01 pm

Good luck nett, keep us posted won't you.

nett
Posts: 54
Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 3:11 pm

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby nett » Thu Jul 15, 2010 9:26 pm

yes will do and thanx for the support ,without you lot we wouldnt know which way to turn x

nett
Posts: 54
Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 3:11 pm

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby nett » Sun Jul 18, 2010 8:29 pm

just to let you all know seen solicitor we have filled in legal aid papers , he is going to apply for party to proceedings ,he said we might have to attend court on the 30th this month, also applying to judge for independant assessment , any tips on what to say and what not to say to her ? so fingers crossed x moving along with things now ,thanx for all replying and reading xxxxxxxxxxxxx

nett
Posts: 54
Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 3:11 pm

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby nett » Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:29 pm

hi all just to update , we was granted to become party , so all well, we have had hair tests ,all well ,the childrens guardian was in support of us being properly assessed by an independant assessor , we had part of the assessment yesterday , all went well , she met our kids , just wants to see us with the nieces children now , the hearing was ajourned till the directions hearing again 12th october , then gotta wait n c , given treferences ,so feel a lot better now , will keep u all posted thanx for all your support xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxour assessment gotta b put forward by 17th september

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ied53
Posts: 2102
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 11:26 pm

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby ied53 » Fri Aug 27, 2010 4:44 pm

well done love and hugs


Irene
Irene
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Tough times never last tough people do

old bear
Posts: 356
Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 3:21 pm

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby old bear » Fri Aug 27, 2010 4:56 pm

hi nett,
giant strides forward at last ~ well done, and good luck with the rest of the assessment. hope things continue to move forward for you.
keep up the good work.
old bear

nett
Posts: 54
Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 3:11 pm

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby nett » Tue Aug 31, 2010 9:14 pm

hi all thanx for the comments ,yes thing are moving forward now , assessor phoned us today we have to meet her with the children for an hours assessment on the 7th , dnt know what we have to do , just be ourselves i think , then part 2 over ,she just has to check out our references then , fingers crossed ,all goes well xx will keep you all informed . xxxxxxxxxxx


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