child not returned after access visit

nett
Posts: 54
Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 3:11 pm

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby nett » Sat Jun 26, 2010 5:21 pm

hi no it was not the judge it was just the s/s report and yes it was her view , it was s/s that failed the family not us , i know its a long way to go now but i know we are not in the wrong so am just going to take 1 step at a time , i know it could take years but am prepaired to fight and wait ,i will not word it so s/s are lying will just word it differently like she has , will keep you all posted and thanx again for listening and giving me advice ,it is most important to us all xx

nett
Posts: 54
Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 3:11 pm

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby nett » Tue Jun 29, 2010 2:05 pm

well spoken to solicitor ,and he thinks that we should go for residence , but has made appointment for 6th july will let you know how it goes from there keep your fingers crossed for us x not had any contact with mother for over a week now ,she ignoring us so dnt know what is going on , just want things to start taking form now , at least we are getting a lil of somewhere now x

Bonnie
Posts: 1450
Joined: Sun May 28, 2006 11:01 pm

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby Bonnie » Thu Jul 01, 2010 1:40 am

mum maybe fighting it, she will have been told to keep away from you.

If you are fighting for the children, you will have to distance your self from mum, you have to be seen to be putting the children first, the ss may say they do not trust you with the children around mum.
Just keep doing what your doing [:D]

(((H U G S )))
(((H U G S )))

nett
Posts: 54
Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 3:11 pm

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby nett » Fri Jul 02, 2010 2:15 pm

ok will do thank you , was talking to older girl on f/b last night she was begging me to go get her and said her mum was gunna slap her ,she ddnt get a chance to say what 4 ,then mum came on and said all ok she was messing around with her friend ,she ddnt sound like she was messing to me , what do u do ,tried to tlk 2 mum and she ignoring me today ,my hubby said leave it it cld b the child has not got her own way , but still not convinced ,dnt want to inform s/s/ as this will make matters worse

Bonnie
Posts: 1450
Joined: Sun May 28, 2006 11:01 pm

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby Bonnie » Fri Jul 02, 2010 5:46 pm


Hi Nett,
When ever you have a conversation, write it down, if on facebook copy and keep profile photo with the conversation, just incase, you never know, mum could twist things.just keep times and dates of events too, then you have back up, the same for text messages too!

(((H U G S )))
(((H U G S )))

nett
Posts: 54
Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 3:11 pm

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby nett » Fri Jul 02, 2010 8:31 pm

thank you will do ,never thought of that ,shame bout last night i have not saved it either , will remember to do it in future ,think mum has stopped her going on now she not been on tonight , thanx for the info xx

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ied53
Posts: 2102
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 11:26 pm

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby ied53 » Sat Jul 03, 2010 8:32 am

Bonnie gives sound advice so does hubby do NOT try and talk to the mum dp talk to the soc servs. Mum will twist it and say you are threatening her as you want the child . The other way you are helping to protect the child if after our phone the ss and an emergency number should be given out. If you don't report these conversations you are failing to protect the child. You cannot help mum she has blown it you must distance yourself otherwise the ss will say you are to involved and would allow mum too much access so cannot protect the child. t is hard for a relative some of us have had to do this with our children so we understand.

Irene
Irene
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Tough times never last tough people do

nett
Posts: 54
Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 3:11 pm

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby nett » Sat Jul 03, 2010 8:41 pm

yes that is good advice , we will not contact the family now as we dnt want to put a spanner in the works , mum refuses to give the kids our phone number so we dnt get to speak to them but they in court in 6 weeks so it not long , i know it is awful to say but i hope she does lose them now as she does deserve it , she is been horrible to them wnt even let them go out or do anything she just grounds them all the time for no reason ,the kids are clearly not happy there ,but she sees she doing nothing wrong , and the house is a mess it is getting worse ,she isnt doing anything , but like i say not long now

nett
Posts: 54
Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 3:11 pm

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby nett » Wed Jul 07, 2010 10:14 pm

hi all been to see solicitor and bad news , he said that we would probably not get the children ,due to their state of minds when they b removed as thay will b too traumatised , he said that in his eyes that we would b turned down , due to the size of our family now ,we have 3 boys ourselves ages 15 nearly 16 and 10 and 9 and how it would affect them , having to ive the children attention when they come ,he said that he will apply for funding and apply to courts for independant assessment but he said he dnt think it will make a difference we have to give answer by friday as to what to do, well WHAT DO WE DO ,we have got nothing to lose now

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David Roth
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Joined: Thu Aug 10, 2006 10:14 am

Re: child not returned after access visit

Postby David Roth » Thu Jul 08, 2010 12:19 pm

Nett, what do you think of this yourself?

The suggestion seems to be that the children would be so traumatised that it would be too difficult for you to manage them and your own children, with possible negative effects on your own three boys.

Firstly, do you accept that the children are so severely traumatised as the solicitor implies? You report him saying how traumatised they would be, not how traumatised they are. Do you agree that they are traumatised, or that they will be as traumatised as the solicitor thinks? It may be less traumatic for them to come to you, as a family member they know, than to go and live with strangers.

If the children really are troubled, do you think you would be able to manage their trauma, and the way they behaved? What effect do you think it would have on your own children? You obviously have a duty to your own family as well as to these children.

If you want to continue with your application for the children, you will need to show that you have given serious consideration to these questions. If you have any previous experience of dealing with traumatised children, or you are able to show that your children would be able to be tolerant and understanding when the children acted out, then that would certainly help your case.

Do you know what the children are saying they want? If they are saying they want to come to you, they may be more motivated to make it work with you than if they have to go somewhere they don't want to.

This does sound like a very difficult situation, and I hope you re able to reach a solution that will be right for everyone. Even if the children don't come to you, you should try to ensure that you can still play a role in their lives.

David R
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David Roth
FRG Policy Adviser


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