Holding R/O in my hand and total costs of R/O bill

[Jacobswell]

The stamped Residence Order has just arrived in my favour and that reasonable contact regarding my g/d be in favour of my daughter.

Any problems and back to court, sure hope it does not come to this in the future, I believe my daughter and I have ironed out most of it.

My final bill has cost

[Robin D]

Congratulations on getting the order and also on keeping the costs down.

Unfortunately some of us had spent many times more than that! [:(]

Now to start on being a parent all over again.

Good luck ..... Robin

Grandparent carer in Suffolk [:)]

[Help 1870]

You have the RO now, congratulations for that, your g/d is now safe and secure.

I was fortunate that we got non means tested legal aid as the children had been placed with me when SS applied for their CO. Our legal aid bill ran to 24K. Without that i would have had no chance and would probably ended up representing myself. Well done for keeping the costs down. Others will hopefully benefit from how you did it.

[Kate]

Many congratulations Jacobswell, you got there in the end! [:)][:D][:)]

It's all wrong that you had to pay the legal bill which is a lot of money to someone in your position. The system stinks. We were very thankful our daughter didn't contest the RO so we did it ourselves and just had to pay the

[Jacobswell]

I have not been on here for over 3 years I believe and its not been the easiest 3 years, my g/d is in her final year before starting secondary school, I have retired and finally my daughter was just released from her first time in prison (only 6 weeks) on Wednesday this week (Sept 2013) for theft/deception to feed her habit. My daughter said whilst she was in prison that she was going to give her long term boyfriend an ultimatum that he gets himself clean off injecting heroin, that he gets a proper full time legal job and that he makes an honest woman of her (quite laughable). On Wednesday when she was released with a tag on for the next 30 days, she went right back to her home with her boyfriend in place who is working under the arm no signs of making an honest woman of her. She (my daughter ) told me that she is going to go to Court again and get my g/d back as she is almost 3 weeks clean and she can be on methodone if she wants and still have her daughter back living with . I feel like I have had all the air let out of me, as its like here we go again. I was hoping and praying she would do the full 26 weeks that was given her but its not been the case, I thought after 26 weeks she would stand a better chance but it looks like it s the opposite I do not have the funds for fighting in court, and because of my home I cannot get legal aid, would I be able to stand and fight this myself in a court for my g/d ? Of course remembering my gd loves her mummy regardless.. Help??

[David Roth]

Jacobswell, your daughter will have to get the leave (permission) of the court before she can apply to have the SGO discharged. The court won't give that permission unless 'there has been a significant change in circumstances since the making of the special guardianship order'. From what you have said, her circumstances have hardly changed at all.

[Jacobswell]

Thank you David, but I was given a Residents Order if I had known or could have seen further into the future I most definitely would have gone for a SGO as it is far better and in our case would have been the better option, although my Solicitor said we should go for a RO. I can also say that my daughter is now going down as route to see the Mental Health Team apparently to get herself a sick note, although she has not worked legally since she was 18 years old and now is 35 yrs old, she pleads she is not fit to work this goes for her boyfriend as well, yet he is managing to get off with his Mothers help driving him to building work everyday, ready for their Caribbean Cruise for 2 weeks in November. My daughter asked to take her daughter (my granddaughter) and I said absolutely not, that she was not allowed the time off of school and if anything happened to her I would be the one charged and she could be taken from me and put into care. I was told I was being over dramatic and wrecking my granddaughters life by not allowing her to go on this cruise, so far my granddaughter is not aware of this cruise but my daughter seems to be wanting to tell her, that its because I am a mean Nanny. This is why I wished I had gone for the SGO. Its quite laughable that because my daughter has a tag on her ankle until Sept 29th or 30th she cannot venture out between 6.45 pm to 6.45 am everyday, and this week is the very week I have to go to the Secondary Schools for the Open Evenings, and my daughter cannot attend, and cannot criticise because she put herself in this situation not me, but she has a hard job to own up to what she has done, so there is no change in her at all.......Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and I would definitely recommend a SGO for anyone going for custody of a child they love.

[David Roth]

Jacobswell, even although you may have to go back to court, since it is RO not SGO, the court's decision will still be based on what is best for the child. However, that doesn't mean the corut case itself won't be draining for you all to go through, if she does get that far - and the experience of a lot of the other carers here is that parents with the sort of problems you have described are not always the best at getting their act together for something like a court application.

[Jacobswell]

Can someone give me some advice, help. Since my last post on here my daughter has gone quiet again, regarding trying to regain get her daughter my granddaughter back living with her. She says she is clean from heroin and she is talking far more and seems changed in some ways, but says she is not prepared to go to work for a pittance as she would be worse off financially so she will work under the arm to earn enough to pay for her extra bedroom (my granddaughters old bedroom) because her daughter can come back when she is 16 yrs regardless. I have spoken to her frequently regarding going back to college to no avail. She has said she has a few puffs of weed every night to keep her calm, as that's what her boyfriend is on and I am assuming he is off the heroin, although I do not really know as I rarely see him. My daughter said out of the blue that her daughter could come and have a weekend staying with her and I said she cannot, she is staying put her with me as in the R.O. that it would do my granddaughter more harm than good to go back to her old bedroom it would bring back memories and create more problems, my g.d. is getting into trouble through being rude and disobeying the teachers, pushing boundaries, so much so that she is on her final warning from the school. My g.d. frequently tries to push boundaries here with me at home which I think is from deep insecurities, through mum out of her life more than in it since her being a baby. The Courts said that my daughter would not be able to seek getting her daughter back until she was at least totally clean for 2 years and she is possibly clean of heroin for 6 months only. Could you tell me I am right in saying my g.d. who is 11 yrs old cannot go and stay overnight at her mum's?
Thanks
Jacobswell

[David Roth]

ied53 is right — as you hold the residence order, then you can make decisions about your granddaughter's contact and overnight stays with her mother.

I would advise you that in coming to these decisions you should try to focus in whether mum will be able to do what is best for the child. If the situation was that mum had accepted that her daughter is with you and belongs with you, mum and you were on friendly terms, she would not speak against you to her daughter, and that she would not expose granddaughter to an inappropriate lifestyle, then perhaps you could consider granddaughter spending more time with her.

However, if she is not prepared to work together with you, then it is only likely that she would make granddaughter even more insecure, by making her feel that she was in the middle of a conflict between two adults she loves and feels loyalty towards. It could also make granddaughter feel unsafe, if she remembers feeling unsafe before when she was with mother.

Have you spoken to the school about your granddaughter's background and experiences? I know this might feel like sharing personal information the school has no right to know, but if they are aware that she has had similar experiences to children who have gone into care, they might treat her more sympathetically. Perhaps you and the school could work together to manage her difficult behaviour, e.g. maybe you could let them know if there are particular ways of dealing with her behaviour that are more effective, or things that trigger it which they could avoid doing (e.g. some family and friends carers find their children get upset if there is a classroom discussion about parents, or something close to home like avoiding drugs or alcohol).