Holding R/O in my hand and total costs of R/O bill

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ied53
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Re: Holding R/O in my hand and total costs of R/O bill

Postby ied53 » Tue Oct 01, 2013 11:19 am

Hi you are totally correct about time off indeed as of September this year can only be authorised for exceptional circumstances. Who holds the childs passport?. As she seems to have money at the no this would be better spent on her child and not a holiday. I have to say even with SGO parents can haul you into court over contact issues if they can afford it with legal id being stopped.
Irene
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Tough times never last tough people do

Jacobswell
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Re: Holding R/O in my hand and total costs of R/O bill

Postby Jacobswell » Wed Mar 19, 2014 12:28 pm

Can someone give me some advice, help. Since my last post on here my daughter has gone quiet again, regarding trying to regain get her daughter my granddaughter back living with her. She says she is clean from heroin and she is talking far more and seems changed in some ways, but says she is not prepared to go to work for a pittance as she would be worse off financially so she will work under the arm to earn enough to pay for her extra bedroom (my granddaughters old bedroom) because her daughter can come back when she is 16 yrs regardless. I have spoken to her frequently regarding going back to college to no avail. She has said she has a few puffs of weed every night to keep her calm, as that's what her boyfriend is on and I am assuming he is off the heroin, although I do not really know as I rarely see him. My daughter said out of the blue that her daughter could come and have a weekend staying with her and I said she cannot, she is staying put her with me as in the R.O. that it would do my granddaughter more harm than good to go back to her old bedroom it would bring back memories and create more problems, my g.d. is getting into trouble through being rude and disobeying the teachers, pushing boundaries, so much so that she is on her final warning from the school. My g.d. frequently tries to push boundaries here with me at home which I think is from deep insecurities, through mum out of her life more than in it since her being a baby. The Courts said that my daughter would not be able to seek getting her daughter back until she was at least totally clean for 2 years and she is possibly clean of heroin for 6 months only. Could you tell me I am right in saying my g.d. who is 11 yrs old cannot go and stay overnight at her mum's?
Thanks
Jacobswell

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ied53
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Re: Holding R/O in my hand and total costs of R/O bill

Postby ied53 » Wed Mar 19, 2014 12:52 pm

You hold the RO if there was no contact order and provisions for over night stays then to allow it would be going against the RO. It what is best for the child not what the parent wantsThis is a personal view and I personally would stick to my advice. The phrase hell and freezing over comes to mind. I also think you may discover RO is now till 18.
Irene

Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire

Tough times never last tough people do

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David Roth
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Re: Holding R/O in my hand and total costs of R/O bill

Postby David Roth » Wed Mar 19, 2014 3:15 pm

ied53 is right — as you hold the residence order, then you can make decisions about your granddaughter's contact and overnight stays with her mother.

I would advise you that in coming to these decisions you should try to focus in whether mum will be able to do what is best for the child. If the situation was that mum had accepted that her daughter is with you and belongs with you, mum and you were on friendly terms, she would not speak against you to her daughter, and that she would not expose granddaughter to an inappropriate lifestyle, then perhaps you could consider granddaughter spending more time with her.

However, if she is not prepared to work together with you, then it is only likely that she would make granddaughter even more insecure, by making her feel that she was in the middle of a conflict between two adults she loves and feels loyalty towards. It could also make granddaughter feel unsafe, if she remembers feeling unsafe before when she was with mother.

Have you spoken to the school about your granddaughter's background and experiences? I know this might feel like sharing personal information the school has no right to know, but if they are aware that she has had similar experiences to children who have gone into care, they might treat her more sympathetically. Perhaps you and the school could work together to manage her difficult behaviour, e.g. maybe you could let them know if there are particular ways of dealing with her behaviour that are more effective, or things that trigger it which they could avoid doing (e.g. some family and friends carers find their children get upset if there is a classroom discussion about parents, or something close to home like avoiding drugs or alcohol).
David Roth
FRG Policy Adviser

Jacobswell
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Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2004 10:10 pm

Re: Holding R/O in my hand and total costs of R/O bill

Postby Jacobswell » Wed Mar 19, 2014 8:34 pm

Thank you Irene and David, I do try to speak to my daughter alone, as its a case of her being in total deniel that her life of drug addiction and just going off to score etc, rehabs etc not coming back when she was supposed to for her daughter has caused NO problems to her daughters insecurity ! Involvement with the school has been very difficult they seem to be just for how the school is performing ie academy status now. When I raised concerns regarding my granddaughters behaviour I then had two private sessions talking to the CPN regarding my granddaughters insecurities, then my granddaughter had 3 sessions where she was able to talk to the CPN freely, the CPN said my granddaughter definitely had all signs of attachement disorder due to her Mother not being there for her. The CPN wrote to me and the school with there findings and after almost 6 months of not hearing from the teacher who is in charge of child referrals at school - not getting back to me I spoke to my granddaughters own teacher and asked him to ask the referral teacher, after another 4 months of hearing nothing I spoke to the headmaster and chased him up again after a week as somehow he was so busy, finally he got back to me and said there was no money in the kitty so to speak so they could not pay or fund any money for my granddaughter to have consellingl, there was another place I think called dreadnoughts but it didn't really seem appropriate for my granddaughters needs, the CPN said for my granddaughter to have private art or music/dance therapy it would cost me £45 for half an hour. I have been retired for the last 2 years and am on a limited income ie my granddaughter is in receipt of free school meals ie with an income of less than now £12000 a year, but with no help and I feel like somehow my granddaughter has been really let down and I have no idea where to turn to next. My granddaughter is 11 and will be finishing this school in July with Secondary school in September, due to her attention seeking of course I am worried of her falling in with the wrong crowd and being easily influenced or doing things she shouldn't do, the CPN said my granddaughter shows signs - I just feel nobody cares, and sometimes its all to much for me. Jacobswell

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Holding R/O in my hand and total costs of R/O bill

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Mar 24, 2014 10:53 am

Dear Jacobswell,

I can see that you are worried that granddaughter’s behaviour may lead her to fall into the wrong crowd when she goes to secondary school. I can see that you are also worried that she has been assessed by a CPN and support has been suggested but that the school are saying they cannot fund it as they do not have any money in the kitty.

There may be a way to challenge the head teacher’s decision. You may also want to raise your worries with the new school. Can the report be passed on to them?

Or can you go back to the CPN and explain what the school have said. Could she suggest another way of accessing the health support she needs? Could the school or her GP refer her to the local child and adolescent mental health service?

For other sources of information, you could speak in confidence to the parent advice line at Young Minds about your worries.

Adfam give help and support to families affected by drugs and alcohol.

Best wishes,

Suzie


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