Family Rights Group | Kinship carers’ Forum

Hello. I have r/o for 8yr old nephew, his mother died when he was 4 and hes been with us ever since and started having contact with his dad after his mum died. Basically the court gave him what ever he asked for and caffcass backed him all the way.

his dad has 5 children, 3 of them have been in care twice. the other child is the same age as my nephew and they both hate going. So anyway, contact has gone on for past 2yrs, a few wks ago i was informed that variouse things had been happening at contact that put my nephew in danger..car safety, sharing a bed with other children belonging to his gf, being left with 15 yr old sibling who then drinks, smokes has friends and gf round, he also told a teacher he doesnt ike going to his dads because he hits him on the head, he also came home one day saying he was gay, i asked who said that and he said its what my dad calls me, he says his dad screams at him for nothing. he isnt a naughty child. theres more but trying to keep it short. this wk nephew said he saw his dad stagleing and beating his ex gf on the floor and he got shut in a room an couldnt get out

so i sent him a letter saying i was stopping contact, hes gone to the court to get a warning notice put on and sent me a solicitors letter saying none of its true. I dont know what to do im scared and stressed and just want him safe and happy. i think the court will side with him and chew me for breaking order...any one broken a court order before or managed to have unsafe contact reduced/stopped?

thanks for reading

oh and he wants more contact and to take him on holidays...im dreading this backfireing. i have to represent myself and the best outcome i feel would be reduced supervised contact in a centre.

Welcome to the forum, [:)]

The child has told all this to a teacher, the best thing to do is ask if s/he would be prepared to write a statement for you detailing what the child has said, for you to give to the court. Has your Nephew told anyone else about this?

I hope you have been keeping a diary, making note about your Nephews behaviour before and after.

At aged 8 he is old enough that his wishes and feelings should be taken into account. if he doesnt want to go then he shouldnt be made to go, and hes at an age where he can vote with his feet.

I am currently being taken back to court for breaking an order. Basically the same happened to us with regard to the dad of my eldest grandson. I did not stop contact, but changed the handover venue. It was at the school but I moved it to my daughter's because both parties would have to be at the school and he is very aggressive and both children become very upset.
Be a bit careful here. Although we have given very good reasons for changing the venue, the Judge was unsympathetic and I fear he may make us continue. This is even though the school have made a statement saying that they do not want it there any more. Cafcass are going in to make them change their mind.
You have done the only thing possible to do to protect the child. You are in a catch 22 situation - if you stop contact you have breached the order but if you send him you put him at risk and of course what might social services say if anything happened to him.
We cannot afford representation and we are getting demolished (as usual). Is there any way you may qualify for legal aid?
Could you get a first free interview to point you in the right direction?
I am fearful of what is going to happen to me, so I cannot give you an outcome at this stage with regard to breaking a court order.
I honestly do not believe you any done a thing wrong.

Contact has been going on for a while now and although it was agreed sometime ago things seemed to have broken down now and your Grandson is not getting anything but upset from these visits.

Because of this I think you are right to stop the visits so things can be investigated again. If a guardian becomes involved they can talk to the child and get his views on he subject. The school will hopefully also stand by what they have been told and make a statement accordingly.

I was once told that in Family Law things do change and therefore need to be looked at again if they are not working. You are the Primary parent so you are the one who must make the immediate decisions if he is so upset he does not want to go or you fear there may be violence witnessed or suffered. Its all very well him saying that its all untrue... he may have to prove its not true to the court. He already has a history with the Local Authority and that will be on record. Hopefully your nephew will be strong enough to tell the truth if needed. Helps right - he can vote with his feet more now.

you have a duty to ensure the child's welfare and have acted in a manner that would be expected of any responsible parent/ carer.

hopefully the court will appoint a CAFCASS officer who will take the boy's wishes and feelings into acount. the fact that he has other children who have been in care says a lot more about him than it does about you. if the teacher is willing to support you then your case will be even stronger, and it is in the teachers best interest to support you in court other wise they will find their job more difficult if they have a distressed child in the classroom.

you have presented your case in a very balanced way and it is very apparent that you are not doing this lightly and that your only motive is the child's wellbeing. if you continue in this vein, i can't see why your views would not be goven the consideration they deserve.

good luck

I would be doing exactly the same thing in this situation, tomica, and nana j. Tomica, if you are put in the position of having to justify yourself, lift some of the phrases used in this thread eg the first sentence of fatcat's post. You are clearly putting the child's safety and welfare first and I hope this will be accepted without question.

As someone else who defied a court order by refusing to hand a child over to the father and bailiffs with an order from the high court, provided you have thought it through and are putting the needs of the child first, judges will generally be sympathetic. However that does not stop them asking detailed and often difficult questions about your motivation, nor will they want to easily give up on a plan that was previously agreed, often after a lot of heartache and wrangling. I actually see that as a positive response even if it makes you feel as though you are being got at. It certainly did me.

Gather together the evidence you need on paper and have header points that you can prompt yourself with if required to make sure you get all the evidence over. Point out that you have only done it as a reaction to the situation and in response to the child's distress. You'll be fine.

Robin

Grandparent carer in Suffolk [:)]

i also agree that supervised contact at centre is best way to go if you are unable to supervise it yourself then is there someone who you trust that would not mind doing it for you. good old mum in my case and would love to see g/d mum try and take her on she already sorted with centre if she needs to end contact abruptly then my mum would take g/d to assistant then go back and escort mum out of the building. had to laugh really couse mum is 60s but she would do it. i think it best to have all your answers ready for court we found venuew, arranged dates times and so on then put in writting firm exact bounderies for parents you must think of everything, phone calss well not really just incase they verbally abuse them, gifts could be anything so they leave them at contact you collect them later. dont miss anything out but dont wate. get your proposals done in advance then your ready for anything this idiot throws at you. i hope the judge is a good one as this must stop now. good luck.xxx

thank you all so much! honestly, its making me ill. I will use alot of whats been said and I spoke to his teacher today who is more than happy to help. Also been to gp and nephew has been refered for councelling as he has bottled so much up for a long time and his fear of having told is taking its toll on him. Its heart breaking. Social services have also been in touch and seem more interested now they have made some enquiries.

I will get my plan together ready for court and hopfully wont crack up as soon as i enter the room! (more than likely will though because can hardley even speak the words without doing so).I will try and arrange a contact centre - if this can be done without referal from court/ss that is and i will map it all out ready. court at the end of this month so will let you know how we do.

Thanks again.