pongo99

pongo99
Posts: 84
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 11:58 am

Re: pongo99

Postby pongo99 » Mon Feb 15, 2010 12:04 pm

firstly we have tried to speak to social services but have only had one breif call with the social worker in charge of the second grand child who is still in foster care and basicaly her responce was " you are a racist and because their is conflict between you and wayward daughter their is no point in putting forward as possible carers to second granchild as you have had nothing to do with her since she was born
yes not seeing her is true firstly because of all the trouble off daughter with first granchild an secondly we were told by daughter that ss had told her they didnt want we having contact or even g/c who residesw with we we later found out daughter informed core meeting that she told them she didnt want we to have any contact
matters have arisen as of previouse post over xmas ss wont return our calls how do we tell or explain what daughters behaviour was like at christmas when we took her on hols to try to build a relationship up with her and daughter only for her to spoil it ,
first sw to first g/c is no longer involved with we an wont even speak to we
yet she is the one who as a verry good understanding of events
daughter is putting on a show to people and making out its all hubby's fault as you know she would turn up and go when it suits her
now we find that she as been to solicitor and wants
1 unsupervised contact to now take place
1to take g/c out when she as contact
3 to extend contact time to allow to go out and return to her home
4 the opportunity to enjoy a meal with her daughter and bath her before returning home
5 to alter telephone contact from 5-6 to 4-5 knowing g/c doesnt get from school/nursary untill getting on for 4 themn there is the matter of getting changed tea etc etc
she as made out to her solicitor that she complies with all requests and trys to make we out to be liars when we told solicitor about her getting drunk an not turning up on time she even stated the only time she stays after her time is to have a mweal with the family lies lies lies were do we go from here because ss wouldnt return our calls is it going to be held against us that they were not informed to events of christmas etc

pongo99
pongo99

Kate
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Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2005 5:33 pm

Re: pongo99

Postby Kate » Mon Feb 15, 2010 3:35 pm

Pongo, as regards your daughter seeking unsupervised contact with g/d: you need to write down all the facts about what happens during contact, including of course things like puttin soap in g/ds mouth, negative or abusive comments to or about g/d, etc. Also how gd is after contact. Keep it factual - maybe ring the FRG helpline for help in wording it in just the right way. You need to be able to provide this information clearly and without anything that might be construed as bias or judgement on your part, then it will be clear that unsupervised contact is not going to be in your g/d's interests. Best of luck with this.

pongo99
Posts: 84
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 11:58 am

Re: pongo99

Postby pongo99 » Tue Feb 16, 2010 10:04 pm

hi kate

we have a diary going back to when g/c was born and can state very clear times dates events be it late turning up late going abuseive language etc etc
only today we took g/c to a play centre she realy enjoyed it it was great to see that she didnt have a care in the world an we enjoyed it to however again daughter spoiled it she txt moaning that we had took g/c with other daughter who just happend to go at the same time
oh it was the usual your to blame you have caused all this i carnt see my daughter only once a week ( another sister txt telling her )
we carnt do right for wrong she trys to make we feel guilty saturday go hubby had to sit in total silence in the home so as not to upset or offend heruntill she went i ask you do we have to live like this

question could or would a court order that mom couldnt have anything to do with her second child untill she is 18 ?? as this is what we have heard an the so called bf as goty to be re-assest by a different s/w yet daughter is still with him

pongo99
pongo99

aimilgray
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Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 4:43 pm

Re: pongo99

Postby aimilgray » Fri Feb 19, 2010 10:46 pm

pongo the answer to that is no you dont have to live like this not in your own home for gods sake. she is just like all of them playing games if she was a wonderful mum the g/c wouodnt be with you. i think youve tryed hareder than anyone i no to make contact work but it is never going to whilst you give in to her demands the fact is she isnt suitable mum probably never will be so the bonding exercise is working for no one. contact is about the chilkd the real child not the daughter who needs to grow up and get a life. i really like you you have done so much but i dont know why. how many times do you need to see it for yourself that the relationship with d and g/d is the here and now, nothing more. we cant undo the pain they sufered but we can stop any more.i am firm believer in supervised contact, if the were safe theyd be living with them and contact orders. i have just informed my son on his trip to the outside and before he goes back inside not to come here he will have same contact as the mum and no more just because he is my son. sometimes we just need to get of the roundabout and make a stand. good luck hun.xxx

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ied53
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Re: pongo99

Postby ied53 » Sun Feb 21, 2010 5:43 pm

The solicitor is paid to ask for what the client (mum) wants doesn't mean they agree doesn't mean they expect to get it means they ask cos they got to. You answer with what you are prepared to offer or not She will keep pushing you just don't give in. I know that is easier said than done she didn't tell the truth before and she won't tell the truth now.

Irene
Irene
Grandparent carer in Lincolnshire
Tough times never last tough people do

golden oldie
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Joined: Tue Oct 21, 2008 4:06 pm

Re: pongo99

Postby golden oldie » Sun Feb 21, 2010 10:09 pm

Hito answer maybe a few of your questions from what happened to us. In the first year of our g/d's being with us we thought we would help to promote contact by saying we would have contact between Mum (our daughter) and her daughters at ours well all I can say was it was a nightmare with my daughter following me around screaming and shouting until finally I used to shut myself in my bedroom while she was there until the day she had me against the wall and said if I had a knife I would stab you, I rang the sw at the time stright after and said I would not have my daughter in the house anymore so they would have to sort out contact which they did and so our home once again came ours!!!The children need to know that their home is safe. Our daughter then had contact at the family centre gradually things deterioated to the point two workers had to be in the room and then one day she hit one of them and since then(approx 18 months ago) there has been no contact this was decreed by the court with a proviso that this could be changed if daughter cleaned up her act. We are now going for SGO and ss are recommending that the children do not see Mum until they are 18. We know it is only recommendation but unless things drastically change then that is how things will stay.

golden oldie
golden oldie

pongo99
Posts: 84
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 11:58 am

Re: pongo99

Postby pongo99 » Mon Feb 22, 2010 1:28 pm

thank you for your help as you know its been a hard time for we yes i believed that mom an daughter should have some sort of contact
as you know social services closed the case stated they were happy with the care we provide and their is no need for them to be involved any more
we have tryed to contact the g/d social worker to get advice may be help but she say's she is no longer the social worker
we have also phoned to speak to the social worker in charge of our second g/c who is in foster care we find that she is totaly biast and only belives what daughter says to her
and things from the family chronolagy from years ago which are not the same any more and havnt been for years an years we belive that this is being used in the case of second g/c yet they assest we worked with we backed we i dont understand how they can do this
more so with daughter wanting unsupervised contact etc we are not in favour of this an the events of saturday just gone hubby recieved a txt off daughter stating she had got problm's an that *fat twat had took her phone * an her eye's were all puffy * other daughter knows what went on but told we she had been told to say nothing
now the crunch g/c mom told we that he had hit her an she got a knife an tryed to stab him but it missed an went into the bed
we carnt get intouch with ss were do we turn i have real fear that somthing dreadfull is going to happen one day god forbid

pongo99
pongo99

aimilgray
Posts: 508
Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 4:43 pm

Re: pongo99

Postby aimilgray » Tue Feb 23, 2010 11:56 am

pongo maybe your contacting the wrong people i know before i asked for ss to continue to work with me after ro ,then i changed my mind and said your useless anyway so dont bothere do still have the use of child phsycologist as part of ss but run seperate, i was told if we had any problems to contact your nearest ss dept and explain you need help from family services, they kind of changed there tune once i said i would apply to my own local ss dept at a later date if i need there help, as that would mean them having to pass on the files and they are very protective of files and the mishaps in them. stick to what you know is best for g/d and be strong am sure eventualy d will find something else to fill her sad little life with and leave all of you good people alone. i do feel courts are starting to look at contact differently now and agree that if at all safe the g/c should see there birth family but unless there is a chance of parent and child being reunited contact is minimal.good luck hun you deserve some peace now.xxx

pongo99
Posts: 84
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 11:58 am

Re: pongo99

Postby pongo99 » Fri Feb 26, 2010 3:08 pm

just an up-date
we forwarded this information to ss via email got read recipt as we hadnt been able to contact them , so far no responce daughter no started to post on another site and slagging hubby off wont repeat the words an now asking if he is her father ?? and its all his fault and she as a file off ss that if he carries on she will put it on the internet as her carnt have a copy she says
also that he should keep out of things when it was mentioned about her behaviour she said its her life she as now posted that she is engaged to this married bf matters were so upsetting we had to contact the solicitor carnt get in to see them till next week but because of things and her behavfiour they have advised not to let her in the home
i can just imagine the door tommorrow as she doesnt take no for an answer perhaps it would be better if she did what she done christmas when she went in boots with g/c shoplifted all for the sake of a
pongo99

pongo99
Posts: 84
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 11:58 am

Re: pongo99

Postby pongo99 » Sun Mar 07, 2010 11:10 pm

we hyave finaly saw solicitor tho not the original one who is on leave carnt say i like the new one didnt rely want to know
however we have been advised to let mother take we to court an stop her coming her an causing trouble
we have also managed to speake to social services all be the initial responce team they told we that what daughter did was abuse ( what i didnt like was the fact that they asked why we didnt inform them sooner they were gob smacked when it was explained we had tryed to get in touch with 2 social workers an had no calls returnd an it can be proved ) they told we that contact should be stoped i hope they back we if it goes to court , daughter is still being a pain now she is threatening an x bfs x girl friend many people are threatening to get her an worce we have told her to pack it in but waist of time
an she as the cheek to keep pestering we can i come down when can i see my daughter its all his fault oh an she is going to post social services report / file she as on facebook
cometh the battle

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pongo99


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